Whether you are a guy or a girl; asking someone out is intimidating, nerve wracking, and often scary. That is usually because of a little thing we like to call fear of rejection. Fear of rejection is a fear that you create in your mind that; others will not accept you for who you are, what you stand for, what you believe in and how you act. Fear of rejection causes many people to miss out on things they desire or want to do. It is behind many problems in and out of relationships.
The first step in asking a girl out is to overcome that fear of rejection. Here is a great article from livestrong.com on how to handle fear of rejection. Getting over this takes time and some soul searching. In the world of dating you may have already met someone you want to ask out but your fear of rejection is holding you back. Try some positive affirmation to help you get over that fear long enough to pop the, can I take you out to coffee question. Things you should remind yourself are:
I am a great person. I am a catch any girl would be happy to have me. If she doesn’t say yes it isn’t always because of me. (if you are a girl asking a girl out) she may not have the same sexual preference.
Use some of these phrases to help you get over that irrational fear that is holding you back. Generally there are two different scenarios that you will have in asking a girl out; on the spot (you just met and she is leaving never to be heard of again) or you know her from work (things to consider before dating a co -worker), through a mutual friend, or even online and you have time to get to know her.
On the spot:
Be confident and brave. Remember if she says no you really haven’t lost anything, but if she says yes you may have gained a doorway into a new relationship. Take that chance and see what happens. Be charming, considerate of her needs, and chivalrous. Women love being treated like princesses even when they deny it. There is something in us that draws us like moths to the flame when it comes to being treated like a princess. Make an excuse to get her alone. Flattery is helpful. But make sure the flattery is real. I once told someone I liked their shirt it was a good color for their eyes. While she became a friend we still laugh at how stupid I sounded. Don’t him and haw around what you want to say. Come out and ask the question. It can be disheartening when a person wants to ask someone but they can’t get the words out. Now is not the time to show you are not confident. Again remember, it doesn’t matter if she says no or yes. What matters is that you put it out there and let crumbs fall where they may. Be casual in your approach, don’t come on to intense. This can be a major turn off and also make the girl feel threatened.
You have time:
Email her and get to know her. Let her get to know you. Don’t give up but don’t stalk either. If the girl is not showing interest moving down a dating road with you, it might be better to become friends. Perhaps you might lose interest as well and enjoy the friendship. Remember there is a danger in being friends too long so make sure you let your intentions be known early on. Otherwise you may never get out of that friend category. Be yourself and don’t pretend to be someone you think she will like. Women can generally see right through that and are not impressed. Also when you do finally ask her out make sure you are familiar with the tips in the first scenario as they can be beneficial as well.
The biggest thing is to not let your fear of rejection keep you from doing what you want to do. That fear can rob you of having something that is right in front of you. So many times you hear stories of people that knew each other for a long time but were afraid to ask. Sometimes fate brought them together and sometimes it doesn’t. You need to put yourself out there once in a while to truly enjoy the dating world and all the wonderful things it has to offer.