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Why Men Leave Marriage

This is the reason why marriage was so sacrosanct and all efforts were directed towards preserving it. It has an important place in an individual’s personal life too. It was a goal everyone desired to achieve and once married, a person was supposedly ‘settled’ for good.

Marriage has perceived connotations regarding a person’s character and worth too. Even today a married person is perceived to be someone who is trustworthy, dependable, sensible and capable. Statistics show that married men stand a better chance of getting a job, are more successful and draw more salary annually.

Besides the social implications, there are personal implications of marriage too. Married people are happier, emotionally stable and healthier. They are less likely to indulge in harmful personal habits such as alcoholism, smoking and drug abuse. They are more satisfied and their self-esteem and self-worth quotients are higher than unmarried or divorced people.

The health benefits of marriage also include the mental and psychological implications. Married people are less likely to suffer from discontentment and mental problems such as depression. All these benefits manifest themselves all the more in men.

Research shows that men benefit more than women from marriage and also show greater signs of deterioration after divorce. Women overall cope better with the situations and problems arising due to divorce. Men fare worse than women mentally, emotionally and physically during the post-divorce period. The only area where they are better off than women is the financial situation.

It is also a fact that despite the adverse effects seen on a woman’s life after separation, twice as many women as men seek to initiate divorce. Men, especially during middle age ‘never see it coming’ and are taken by surprise when women ask to bail out of marriage.

Through history it is men who have been the dominating partner in a marriage and even when divorce had a social stigma attached to it, they had more freedom to exercise this option. They also walked away with the better end of the bargain. Men were not ostracized for walking out of a marriage and soon set up a new home and family.

Things have changed since and a lot of divorced men are bitter men as they feel that women find favour with the law. Mothers are sympathized with while fathers are judged harshly. In fact, the situation is such that very often men do not seek divorce because they fear the situation they will find themselves in regarding finances and children, post-divorce.

There are a few recurring reasons cited often by men to seek divorce. They are:

1. No Obvious Problems: At times, sheer boredom or mid-life crisis makes men restless and look for a change in the form of divorce. They want to get out of the rut of daily routine and mistakenly blame their spouses for the problems. Seeking some change prompts them to change jobs, change homes, find a lover or divorce their spouse.

2. Falling out of Love: Many men marry young with inflated ideas of love. After the initial euphoria, they soon realize that they have fallen out of love with their wives and initiate divorce, hoping to find their soul mate or perfect partner thereafter.

3. Cheating: Infidelity or adultery by wives often bruises the inflated male ego so much that any reconciliation becomes impossible. Any transgression, especially the one involving sexual encounters, is difficult for a husband to forgive and forget and often leads to divorce.

4. Different Values and Lifestyles: Differences in value systems and lifestyles often lead to contradictions and conflicts. It leads to greater lack of communication leading to an increasing distance between them. This difference is another major reason for men asking women for divorce.

5. Others: There are a lot of other reasons causing men to divorce such as alcoholism, emotional and physical abuse, wives neglecting husband’s family and friends, child-bearing issues, financial issues, an affair of self, personal habits, mental problems, physical or sexual problems and so on. These issues add to the statistics of husbands asking for divorce though they are not the main reasons as such.

Men asking for divorce or women doing so, is an unfortunate event both ways and leads to a lot of broken homes and dysfunctional families. One should not embark on this sad journey until and unless one is very sure of the enormity of reasons for doing so.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

The Truth of Divorce

Baseless Myths

Women Suffer More Emotionally than Men: Since ancient times, women have been described as being emotionally sensitive. Sociologists argue that this reason attributed to the subordination of women in ancient society. Women were supposed to be immature and ill-equipped to handle responsibilities. This feature was prominent in patriarchal societies.

The woman was touted as being weak cognitively, emotionally and physically. She was always supposed to be protected by the male. In the beginning, it was her father, then her husband and in later years her son. She could not live and shoulder duties herself. But this view is baseless. Modern sociologists shatter this myth. They argue that both the genders have equal proportions of emotionality.

Women are not the weaker gender in an emotional capacity. In fact, they are resilient. They have the emotional reserves to withstand betrayal and shock. Men are not as resilient as women. They also tend to suffer an emotional setback. They find it harder to accept that the spouse has left them.

Sociologists state that men have to nurture and build their emotional strength. Women are born with this emotional strength. Studies show that men and women suffer mentally and emotionally from divorce. Their behavioural methods of reaction may be different.

Men may become more withdrawn. They tend to become loners undergoing traumatic phases of depression. Women, in contrast, tend to reach out. Emotional battering makes them extrovert in nature. They tend to develop and widen their social circle. They draw their emotional strength from this support group.

Both genders are likely to fall prey to alcohol and substance abuse. A major difference is that women are able to accept their deep emotional scarring. They usually seek professional intervention. Men do not. Men live in denial. They pretend that the divorce has had no effect on them.

Family forces men into therapy usually. Marriage counsellors state that an average of 54% of women and men divorcers suffer from the same emotional setbacks. There is no concrete evidence to prove this myth true.

Ex-spouses are Always Hostile towards Each Other: Social psychologists argue that divorce cannot be pleasant. Usually, 89% of divorces are settled at an acrimonious level. The ex-spouses begin post-divorce life wrought with bitterness. They cannot stand each other. They tend to harm each other in a direct or indirect manner.

Sociologists insist that the type of divorce determines the level of hostility. Hostility does not exist in cases of uncontested divorces. Here, both spouses want the divorce and agree mutually to every marital issue. The divorce is uncontested and amicable.

On the other hand, contested divorces are bitter. The respondent is drawn into the divorce. Usually, contested divorces involve a bitter and hostile trial hearing. The Family Solicitors of London state that this happens as spouses disagree on the level of importance accorded to the marriage. But this acrimony is short-lived.

It usually lasts for a period of eight months to a year. It is situation and location-specific. The presence of children forces ex-spouses to maintain cordial relations with each other. But the image of ex-spouses flying at each other’s throats does not hold up. Ex-spouses just cannot stand each other. They are not bosom buddies.

Usually, exes become calm and serene when their own life post-divorce settles down. They tend to become forgiving when they have a good job, a new comfortable residence and a secure future. They are altruistic and do not hate the ex. They simply do not acknowledge his or her existence if not forced to.

This does not mean that they are hostile towards one another. They do not accord any importance to their ex in their life. The ex-spouse is just another acquaintance who has no influence on them.

Men Tend to Remarry More than Women: This myth is untrue. It exists only in general perception. Studies reveal that 19% of both men and women divorcers tend to remarry. The duration after which they remarry differs. Men tend to jump back into the dating arena soon after divorce. A longitudinal study to this effect shows that men tend to engage in physical encounters frequently post-divorce. Men tend to marry women similar in nature to their ex-spouse. They unconsciously seek younger versions of exes.

They tend to remarry after six months of divorce. In comparison, women divorcers are cautious. They also remarry. They tend to go back to dating after a year. They end up marrying socially and financially mature men after two years of divorce. They are content to date and wait. They are not eager to get married again soon after the divorce.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

How to Overcome Post Divorce Money Issues

Post divorce can create financial problems for the couple involved. Many post divorce money issues exist, from struggles about finances to concerns about life insurance, pensions, lingering debts and other such issues. Read about some common issues and how to overcome them, here.

Common Post Divorce Money Issues

Both men and women face post divorce money issues. Often, one spouse whose career was impacted by raising children may find him or herself needing to reenter the workforce. One spouse may also find him or herself having to pay alimony, child support or both. Both parties may need to pay off the cost of the divorce itself. Add lingering debt from a marriage and other ramifications of dissolving combined assets to this, and most couples are sure to struggle financially.

Household Budgeting Problems

While two don’t live quite as cheaply as one, it is close. Couples who separate and divorce now find themselves needing to support two homes. This can mean two mortgage payments or rent payments, as well as other additional household expenses. While affording these bills may be most difficult for a non-working spouse who has to find a job after divorce, these issues can exist even when two parties were working or when there are no kids involved.

With a smaller income, it is essential to begin budgeting as soon as you can after a divorce. Make a list of your fixed monthly expenses. Compare this to your monthly income. If your expenses exceed your income, then it is important to start cutting back. Consider whether the expensive house you had when you were married is affordable on your salary. Track your spending to find other ways to cut expenses.

Budgeting can be especially hard when you have children. Many parents want to compensate for divorce by showering their children with gifts. This guilt-induced spending ultimately does not help your children in the long run and can create serious problems for your family’s financial picture.

Lingering Debts

When you are married, if you both sign for a debt, that debt belongs to both of you. Regardless of what your divorce decree says about who is responsible for the debt, creditors can and will come after both spouses whose names are on the loan. This means, if your ex-husband or ex-wife charged up the credit cards through purchases, then the credit card company may still come after you for this money even if your spouse agreed to pay it in the divorce decree.

Insist on trying to pay off as much debt as you can before the divorce papers are signed. This may mean selling or liquidating assets, but it is often worth it to do so for the peace of mind of knowing you will never have to pay your ex’s debt.

If you can’t raise enough capital to pay off debts, make sure you insist that you can still have access to account statements so you can verify that payments are being made. This way, you can protect your credit by making payments if your spouse defaults. You can and should make these payments to protect your credit, since creditors can sue you anyway if your name is on the loan. If your divorce decree says your spouse is responsible, then you can go to court with the bills and ask a judge to mandate your ex-spouse’s monies to pay you back after the fact.

Shared Assets

You and your spouse may have shared many assets while you were married. The resolution of these assets should be determined before you sign the divorce papers as part of your divorce settlement. Still, remember to change documents such as beneficiaries on life insurance policies or IRA’s. Even if you are divorced, the money will go to your ex-spouse if he or she is named as the beneficiary on your life insurance policy, so it is imperative to take care of this before the divorce is final.

Insurance Costs

If one spouse was covered under the other’s health insurance, he or she may face a problem of not being insured upon divorce. In some cases, you can negotiate to remain on the insurance plan as part of your divorce settlement. However, if an employer is footing the bill, you may have to pick up the additional premiums the employer was paying since employers will not cover ex-spouses. Cobra may be available for a period of time, but again, you or your spouse will have to pick up the tab for the premiums.

Look into obtaining your own coverage as soon as possible after the divorce. If you cannot afford monthly payments for health insurance, then learn about the types of financial assistance available in your state. Find out if you qualify for Medicaid coverage, or another financial assistance plan, until you are able to find your own source of health insurance.

You may also find yourself having to pay more for auto insurance, renters or homeowners insurance, or any other type of insurance in which you were on your spouses policy.

http://www.brighthub.com/money/personal-finance/articles/64210.aspx

Can couples stay friends after being divorced?

Divorces are notoriously viewed to be hateful, anger-filled and full of resentment. Many bad feelings and emotions are often attributed to the idea of divorce.

While it is true that many divorces do indeed meet these visualizations, bringing a marriage to an end doesn’t always have to result in bitter feelings. It is very possible for couples to stay friends after being divorced.

For some ex-spouses friendship comes easier than others, a lot of whether or not two former spouses can maintain a amicable relationship depends on the nature of how the relationship started and ho w the marriage came to an end. For instance those marriages which were built on a strong friendship but didn’t work out for whatever reason may have a higher probability of maintaining civil relations after the divorce than those who don’t share a long history. Perhaps the individuals may even enjoy a stronger friendship once the pressures of everyday life are removed from the equation.

On the other hand marriages that ended for reasons that were very hurtful, too wounding to consider maintaining contact, may have more difficulties ending amicable, never mind continuing the relationship as friends. Sometimes it is possible to get past the deep hurts cased by issues such as betrayal, dishonesty or irresponsibility, and over the course of time the former couple is able to put the bad feelings behind and move forward with good vibes towards one another, but not always.

A very important factor that many divorced couples need to consider when deciding whether or not to maintain a friendship post-divorce are when children are involved. When a couple has kids, this creates a permanent and shared bond.

Not only is there a bond, but since custody and visitation will need to be addressed, this likely entails some level of interaction, and contact will need to happen. It is much easier to work together as parents who are friends than ones who are foes constantly at one another’s throats. Kids will also benefit from a parental friendship as they’ll be able to better transition and get used to the idea of mom and dad not living together anymore; it is healthy to see parents interacting nicely together.

Other potential factors that affect post-divorce friendships are new relationships. If one or both spouses remarry, the new partner may not feel entirely comfortable hanging out with an ex, especially if they are excluded or don’t feel welcomed into the friendship. Sometimes jealously will be involved, but often it may just be a matter of feeling awkward. This is another important consideration when deciding to remain friends; the dynamics can change at any given time depending on how life evolves.

Whether or not couples can stay friends after being divorced will depend on individual circumstances and whether or not the two people are want and/or are willing to maintain a friendship. For some it’s simpler and less painful to just part ways and not have anything else to do with one another, while others may have difficulty letting go completely and prefer to redraw boundaries and build a new relationship based on a platonic one.

http://www.helium.com/items/1729916-can-couples-stay-friends-after-being-divorced