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How Does Divorce Affect the Family

Till death divorce do us part…

Sealed by a kiss and a pair of eternity rings, most of us believe that “marriages are made in heaven”. But, when it comes to facing a real marriage, how many people really give it their heart and soul to be together? The beginning of a married life is magical with many hopes and wishes. But as the time passes by, often couples feel the pressure of making compromises for each other. They start noticing the differences between them which earlier seemed ‘cute’, they become irritating and suddenly make them ‘incompatible’. Soon, small arguments turn to big conflicts. When these become a routine affair until they are no longer tolerable, the couple takes the big step of ending the marriage. It is called a divorce, the legal termination of a marriage between a husband and wife. Marriages are not for the faint of heart. If there were no legal constraints, people would probably walk out of their marriages as easily as they would out of a clothes store, the collection of which didn’t excite them enough to make a purchase.

But why do marriages fail? The unhappiness in a couple’s married life may have developed due to behavioral or attitudinal problems; say one of the partners is aggressive, a workaholic, adulterer, has an alcohol or drug addiction or has been inflicting physical or emotional abuse on the family. Any of these situations can create a lot of stress in the marriage as well the people affected by it. Ultimately, divorces are an emotionally painful experience for all those involved, especially children.

Effects of Divorce on the Family A divorce comes with stress. It is legally documenting that two people failed to save their marriage and drifted apart. What if children are involved in that mix? If your parents are distressed by the decision that you have decided to leave your spouse, they may be able to handle it having had strong life experiences. But, what about the little ones who are told that mummy and daddy are breaking up when they haven’t even truly experienced the world. Well, in all honesty, marriages should have never come with the clause “If you act nasty, I will leave you.” Yet, for some, divorce often proves to be an escape from hell.

FOR BETTER…While a divorce is painful, it may just bring an end to a broken marriage that is beyond repair and end the suffering of everyone around. If a couple is seeking divorce, then it wouldn’t be wrong to presume that they were having problems for a long time and there may have been bouts of extremely ugly and bitter quarrels between the spouses. Instead of running around in circles, a divorce may come as a boon in bane. According to a psychological assessment of the children of divorced parents, most subjects stated that although it had been extremely agonizing, the divorce only made them emotionally stronger once they got out of the trauma. They gained a fair and deeper perspective on the life-changing event. These children also became independent and mature at quite an early age with respect to their counterparts belonging to two-parent families.

In adulthood, a significant part of them enjoyed well-established careers and cited being more sensitive towards their relationships, especially the intimate ones. Since they lacked stability in their childhood, they tried to make up for it by building a strong financial and social network, becoming self-reliant in the process. However, while being more common amongst girls as compared to boys, this was true only for a small percentage (debatable between researchers).

OR FOR WORSEA pre-divorce house is like a battle ground awaiting for the war to begin, creating a hostile environment at home. Until a divorce is finalized and even thereafter, the spouses get entangled in clashes over the division of valuables and everything else owned or a part of the family which is witnessed and suffered by their children. There goes their childhood downhill. Add to that, it builds a foundation for a society of brittle relationships created by self-sabotaging individuals.

After a divorce, family relationships are never normal. There is a lot of emotional disturbance to every member affected by it. It takes a really long time to truly get over the trauma and confusion about love, life and relationships. The animosity of the past often spills over to the future romantic liaisons of the man and wife as well as their children. One or both partners may face emotional, psychological and financial troubles. The failure of their marriage can often make them feel lonely and rejected. The divorce affects the housing arrangements, health and economic status. In an equation wherein children are involved, custody battles may ensue. Again, a legal settlement may be mutually consented upon but the children stand to miss be deprived of their right to have a happy and emotionally healthy family relationships. A child needs both the parents equally. Parental love and support is a key to the healthy physical and mental development of a child. When a single parent has to play the role of both and fulfill the responsibilities of each while juggling a job simultaneously, it is impossible to do so in the long term as either the career or the parenting will take a back seat. Separation from either of the parents may breed a psychological muddle of issues like insecurity due to abandonment, instability and uncertainty of the future causing extreme mood swings, depression, resentment, suicidal tendencies, promiscuity, substance abuse, inability to trust and/or a lack of ambition in later life.

After a divorce, occasions of merry-making such as birthdays, Christmases and Thanksgivings are never the same with their paternal and maternal extended families that never get together to celebrate again. In a post-divorce scenario, many children are at the risk of losing their emotional bond and becoming estranged from their relatives, neighbors and friends. For teens, the social stigma of a broken family may subject them to the antagonism of their peers at school or worse, they may be pitied which can further add insult to injury. Behavioral problems such as impulsiveness and aggressiveness are common traits amongst the children of divorced couples. The academic performance of the children also suffers. Since every divorce comes at a price, literally, financial difficulties may prompt them to drop out and gain no education.

Adults are the role models for the younger ones. A divorce in the family leaves them no choice but to accept it. A divorce affects children and other family members as well. Those in the immediate and extended family may often come to see it as the right decision which is dangerous to the society as it is likely to create acceptance and imitation of the behavior. They may see divorce in a different light as an easier escape from troubled marriages. Such a psychology is unhealthy for their relationships as well. However, a couple’s circumstances after a divorce play a major role in their perception of the rightfulness of their decision.

There are two sides to a coin. The ability of a family to cope with the divorce is a deciding factor on the effect of divorce on them – whether positive or negative. Hence, it is the parents’ responsibility to support their children and handle this situation with patience and diplomacy. Once a couple has chosen to separate, the children must be given enough time and support to come to terms with the reality. If you’re considering a divorce, be honest with your children and help them understand your side as well. Be real and factual, but, keep a positive undertone in your discussion. Make them aware about the reasons behind the divorce. You may have given a long thought and come up with your own justifiable reasons before opting for a divorce so I wouldn’t ask you to reconsider your decision. What is really important is that you spend more time with the kids to help them find an outlet to express their feelings. It will reduce their grief period so, they don’t end up withdrawing and feeling isolated. Give constant emotional and financial support to your children so that they would be ready to accept the changes.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/how-does-divorce-affect-the-family.html

Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask

Marriage – one of the most significant and life changing events in an individual’s life, is generally not a bed of roses. Unfortunately, before getting married majority of the couples grossly misinterpret the value of going for a marriage counseling. Marriage counseling is not always done owing to some relationship problems or more precisely, marital problems. Marriage counseling can even be done if you both have very good compatibility, just to discover more deeper aspects about your relationships. Marriage counseling does work and helps in strengthening your relationship. Marriage counseling questions are asked to you by marriage therapists, who analyze and interpret your answers.

Marriage Counseling Questions Before You Tie the KnotYou both love each other and you’ve decided to tie the knot sooner. Well, why not answer these five questions that may help you to understand the larger picture of your coming life, in a better way. Moreover, these questions can be like marriage counseling questions to strengthen your relationship. Here they go…

Q1) Why do You Want to Get Married?If you’re able to answer this question, you win half the battle. Majority of people get married because of external pressures like family and society. Why not give a thought to this question? Do you want to get married because it’s just a process, you’ve to do by default? Or you really have the urge and feeling to share your life with the other person? Marrying because you’re single for years or because you’re the only care taker of your parents, may sound logical but if your heart is not in the marriage, well, then you know better how your life will be, in the future. Pen down your answer to this question and see where you stand. I’m serious, just try it.

Q2) Why do You Want to Marry This Person?Don’t say “I love her”, “He loves me”. Well, that you’re aware about, by now. Marriage needs more than love. You’ve to reflect deeper qualities of your partner. Some factors that separate him/her and make them special for you. What makes you choose this person instead of any body else? How will he be your care taker in life? How confident are you about the person? Think over it. You’ll come out more solved.

Q3) What are Your Similarities and Differences?This is one of the best marriage counseling questions to ask each other. Remember, if you can share you similarities and enjoy your differences, you can be assured that you’ll be easily able to sail highs and lows of life. Write down all your similarities and differences and work on improving them. It may work wonders in maximizing your love chemistry.

Q4) What are the Core Values You Cherish in Your Partner?One of my personal favorite marriage counseling questions. This question in itself encompasses true values on which you wish to build you married life. This will answer what makes you both special for each other.

Q5) How do You Envision Your Married Life?Every individual must have a vision in life. When getting married, you must have plans and hopes for some beautiful future. Well, you must have. However, you’ve to work for it, just like you worked in chasing her/him and winning his/her heart. Remember that excitement and passion. Same energy and love you’ve to keep in your married life to make it a grand success.

Marriage counseling is certainly a wonderful way to solve any issues that trouble your mind. In case, you’ve got some serious questions in your mind about your marriage, there are various questions to ask a marriage therapist, who will help you to organize your mind. Marriage counseling does work and they can really help you in building healthy relationships. When you’re ready with answers of above marriage counseling questions, you can be assured of your love. Lastly, I can’t resist the temptation to include a beautiful prayer, a verse from the Bible, that speaks about the foundation stone of any relationship. Just reflect on these lines and dive deep into them, all answers you’ll get, automatically…

Love is patient, love is kind.It does not envy, it does not boast,It is not proud, it is not rude,It is not self – seeking,It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong,Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth,It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves….Love never fails.

Wish you a happy married life!!

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/marriage-counseling-questions-to-ask.html

Remarrying Your Ex

Most of the divorced individuals would hesitate even to think of it for a while. They straightaway reject the option by saying that they do not have that much kindness to forgive the past. They feel it as a waste of time and that their energy could be spent on creating a new relationship and new love with someone else. However, some other people would feel the affection for their partner only in their absence. They might not have realised what they had so far, till it vanished. Divorce might not be an obstacle for them to get together. Rather than dwelling on the past, they will focus on the future with expectations by forgetting the past bitterness. Society accepts either way. Let us analyse the pros and cons involved in remarrying the former partner.

Before persons are proceeding ahead for a rematch with the same player, they should be capable of removing all blots of distresses and hatred caused by them earlier. The persons should have the feeling that they cannot get on with life without the other person. If they love their former partners even after the trauma caused by them and if they feel that they miss them, then trust and forgiveness should be rebuilt on both the sides. Period of separation would definitely have a strong influence on both the parties. That period would allow them to rethink of each other. When the person is no more with them, the loneliness might kindle the thoughts about their ex. They might regret their decision of seeking divorce. In those cases, especially when both the persons are in the same wavelength, then, remarriage can be thought of.

There are ample precedents for the cases of people who had divorced and decided to get back together again. There might be a variety of reasons such as having children, traditional or religious compulsions, taxes or handling property and bills for their remarriage. It is not difficult to restore the marital life after a divorce. As a matter of fact, it can be done any number of times. However, one should be very much sure that the rejoining will definitely help them in a positive way and their relationship will continue for a long time. They both should sit down and discuss the reasons which caused the divorce between them. They should figure out solutions for those problems. They both should be sure that they are now compatible and manageable.

One of the major mistakes which most of the remarried couples commit is that they would forget why they had divorced. Owing to emotional disturbances and loneliness they would like to get together again. Unfortunately, very soon they will rediscover that nothing has changed between them. A mistake should not be committed twice. Wise people always learn from others’ mistakes and ordinary people too should have the capacity to learn from their mistakes rather than repeating the same.

We can quote many precedents even from a list of celebrities who had remarried and redivorced. Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton met on the sets of Cleopatra and they got married in 1964. They both were together for nearly 10 years and the most popular duo that travelled all over the world was the cynosure of all the eyes. They were the world’s best-known celebrity couple. Though their separation hit the headlines all over the world, they remarried and also redivorced in 1976.

Melanie Griffith, a veteran actress, was married to Don Johnson in 1976 and, after thirteen years of gap, she got remarried to Johnson, but divorced again in 1996.

Rap star Eminem and Kimberly Mathers were first married in 1999 and, after two years of married life, they got divorced. At the time of their split there was a huge battle over the custodial issue of their daughter Hailie. However, after seven years, they got remarried but, as a sudden twist, they got divorced, but the only difference is that, for the second time, their married life lasted just three months.

These precedents have proved that remarriages are not worth attempting without analysing the past mistakes and rectifying them. The remarriage would not be considered a new marriage; rather it is like resuming the old marriage. Not many people are favouring the remarriage as per statistics provided by various research institutes, but a very few never fail to attempt it. The sincere advice to those couples is- do not rush into the relationship. Be patient and only if you have cent percent confidence, resume the relationship; otherwise you might regret the decisions taken in the sway of emotions.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information on getting a Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

Keep your marriage and prevent divorce

If you barely do something that will keep your marriage from deteriorating, you may sooner or later be sorry when the time comes it bears irreversible damage. Luckily for you, there is always a helping hand available such as Nancy Wasson’s Keep Your Marriage e-book. With his e-book, you will gain knowledge of the ways in revitalizing your marriage. This is simply because Nancy Wasson’s e-book is written aiming to assist people in their married life.

The e-book of Nancy Wasson is entirely different from other several books because it comes with monthly magazines in which you can sign up for a monthly subscription. This monthly magazine is very good in assisting you to become revitalized and motivated in your marriage. Since it will come to you monthly, it is like reminding yourself and reasserting your marriage vow because the magazine will give you ideas to focus more on searching for ways to safeguard and keep your marriage.

You may definitely inquire about its effectiveness especially if your spouse does not participate in your actions because he/she is not interested. Actually, this e-book does not need both married couples attention because it first and foremost focused on the single person who has the interest in improving as well as preserving their married life. Of course, you can only know its effectiveness if you try it in your life. You will absolutely learn lots of things about keeping your marriage stronger and longer.

Divorce is widespread today and the church is alarmed by the increasing numbers of married couple divorcing. The society becomes more lenient today allowing more divorce to happen. When you search for means of keeping your marriage, you will most likely not think Nancy Wasson, or even other books about marriage, or reading this book is your last priority. You should change that now and let Nancy Wasson’s Keep the Marriage help you.

Nancy Wasson’s e-book and its magazines are very simple; for this reason, you can easily understand its content. As you read these materials, you will be given comprehensive information that would be useful for you. The e-book focuses in the most common problems encountered by married couple and of course, the feasible ways to deal them.

Prevent divorce from progressing because divorce is not the answer. This is merely an escape route to the problems encountered. Remember that every problem has its own solution and divorce is not a viable option.

Keep your marriage e-book is created with the aim of assisting people preserve their marriage even with the toughest adversities in life. In addition to that, this e-book has monthly magazines that can remind you that you need to maintain a healthy marriage.

Is the Fear of Divorce a Valid Reason to Avoid Marriage?

Marriage has held on to its position of being the number one social institution throughout all these ages. It has been holding sway in spite of all other social, economical, political and military turbulences across the span of the world.

Of late, however, this honourable institution has come under attack in its time honoured form. The first attack on marriage was from the ever increasing divorce rate across the developed countries of the world.

It is sometimes referred to as the divorce revolution. This period of time witnessed an exorbitantly large rate of divorces amongst the general populace. Divorce was touted as the panacea for all ills plaguing the married society.

The number of divorces kept increasing across the world as the sixties moulded into the seventies and then onwards into the eighties and nineties. Unfortunately for the believers of marriage the given situation has still not abated and divorce rates continue to spiral across the world.

This exceptional increase in the rate of divorce had not even subsided when a new and altogether different form of relationship started challenging the institution of marriage. This new challenge was from the live in relationships.

People were, very simply put, just not getting married anymore. Instead of getting married they were living together as any married couple will and carrying on with their lives accordingly. They just refused to adhere to the commitment required by marriage as an institution.

This started becoming so common that now there are an ever increasing number of single parent families. It is no longer uncommon to come across single parent families whether they are owing to divorce or accident or choice.

All this has got the sociologists to behave as a worried lot. They are alarmed at the impact that such an ever increasing number of single parent families will have on the society. They have already started clanging the warning bells.

There are several reasons behind people opting for live in relationships as opposed to a married life. Perhaps the first and foremost cause is the rise in individualism in the human society. People wish to be independent and they feel that marriage and its related commitment somehow robs them of their cherished freedom.

Another reason is of course an accidental start of a family where the mother may not wish to or is unable to lose the child she is carrying. In other instances it may simply be that any one of the two parents does not wish to be burdened by the family way of life.

Yet another very strong reason for the rise in live in relationships is that a very large number of populace, the children of the divorce revolution, are simply unable to relate to marriage. They merely fail to understand the intricacies of married life as they have not witnessed something similar in their own homes.

Another major cause of the rise of live in relationships is that people are afraid to get married as they are afraid of divorce! They take it for granted that with the statistical rise in divorce rates, their marriage is also destined for same.

Having either witnessed or heard about the pain and sorrows aligned with divorce, these people wish to save themselves from all the trouble. Thus it is that they have a very simple solution to it all and that is simply to avoid marriage altogether.

Unfortunately for these people, this fear and the associated phobias stop them from knowing what the beauty of marriage is all about. These people fail to comprehend that if marriage has survived all these ages, then, there must be something very positive in its nature.

Such people may be escaping the hurts from a possible divorce but they are in fact missing out upon the all the fun that marriage has to offer. Marriage gives one that one individual who can be relied upon at all times, good or bad.

It does not make sense to avoid getting married simply because one is scared of divorce. If marriage is some kind of a challenge then the challenge has to be met head on. How else does one tell about the taste of a dish without tasting it?

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

Signs that Your Husband Wants a Divorce

A phase in your married life might just show a lot of blaming, fights, doubts and accusations. Sleeping on different sides, facing different directions might make you feel and see things that aren’t true but just the assumptions of a mind that is in turmoil. However, there are also times when hints are staring you in the face but you fail to interpret them. Signs that your spouse wants a divorce aren’t difficult to guess and it might just take you simple confrontation to get the answer out of him. Sometimes, a hopeful heart doesn’t want to believe all these signs that your husband wants a divorce. Then, there are times when you don’t actually know whether these signs really mean something or are they just a result of too much thinking from your side. Either ways, understanding these signs and digesting what they mean is what you have to think about.

When He’s Thinking ‘Divorce’…

Written below are some signs that your husband wants a divorce. However, before we proceed to these signs, you need to understand that you can’t think too much into everything. Thinking too much into every reaction of his will make him impatient to your assumptions and intolerant towards you in general. The feeling or emotion of understanding isn’t unlimited, so make sure you’re very rational yet compassionate in your approach.

He’s Conveniently IgnoringIs your husband ignoring you a lot nowadays? Does he listen to what you have to tell him, however ordinary? If you tell him you guys need to talk, does he at least seem bothered? If you are watching TV, does he make sure he’s in the other room? Does he address you for the smallest of reasons? If you come to the room where he is currently working or relaxing, he’ll walk away straight or might give a convenient reason and excuse himself.

He’s Not Facing ItIf you ask him whether he wants to separate, he’ll answer in such a way that it isn’t a yes or a no. He’ll leave you to think over it to an extent that you get fed up and ask for separation yourself. If you tell him that the issues are increasing by the day and you’ll need to sit down and talk over things, he might just say there isn’t any need. If you confront him directly to check if he’s thinking of separation and he answers, ‘what do you think?’, he’s actually thinking of it. He won’t face any such situation where there is a scope of sorting out problems and talking about issues.

He’s Not TalkingHe’ll just stop talking to you and leave the communication to only answering your questions. Sometimes, he won’t even do that. He might show as though he’s too much in work whereas he might just want to be away from you. He won’t talk about anything, not even his day at work. Does he answer all your questions in monosyllables? If this is how communication takes place between the both of you, he’s probably looking for marital separation at least, if not divorce.

He’s On the LookoutIf your spouse is more on the aggressive side, he might just wait for a chance for you to go wrong. He might get really furious at the smallest mistake of yours. He might just wait for one mistake from your side, to start a verbal war and might end it with his wish to get as far away from you as possible. He might tell you that you both are incompatible and how that incompatibility is one of the main reasons for divorce these days. He may not imply this directly, but the words he uses will mean nothing but that.

He’s Not ThereOne of the most common signs that your husband wants to leave you is that he won’t be with you as long as possible. He’ll try staying at work as much as possible and won’t come back home on time. The days that he does come back home on time, he’ll have some appointments with his friends already. He might make himself so busy with things other than those that have anything to do with you, that you might not get any time to talk to him.

These were some signs that your husband wants a divorce and wants this to be the end to your married life. If you also think that divorce is the last option, there is nothing left for you to change. However, if this is not what you want, tell him how divorce affects family and how this should never be the ultimate option. Tell him how working out things can give you both a better future and make him realize the intensity of the situation. Hope everything works your way! Best of Luck!

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/signs-that-your-husband-wants-a-divorce.html

How to Know if Divorce is the Right Decision

Things weren’t as they used to be. Period. Gone are the days when you were a happily married couple. Today, ‘happily’ has vanished and left you with only being a married couple. Yes, there are times when you think this is just a phase and good things are on their way. There are times when you see the glass half full rather than half empty. But then, there are also times, when you want nothing else than this to end. However, how to know if it’s the right decision? A question that has troubled many housewives over the years. When you leave someone, you leave behind a very beautiful part of your life, never to be revived again. If this is the price you have to pay, is it worth it? Let’s find out!

Knowing if Divorce is the Right Decision

First, you need to go back to when all the trouble started. Try to remember when all the fights and all the suspicion started knocking at your door. We always put down all fights using the golden rule – we are not compatible. Nobody can ever be compatible with anyone without trying. You have to give in a little to take out a little for yourself. Instead of thinking that you are not compatible, try finding out the actual reason for those fights. It’s either your mistake or his. Avoiding divorce should be your first and basic intention.

ContemplateThis exercise of sorts will tell you how to know if divorce is right for you. Take a small notebook and convert this into your diary. Write down all the problems you have fought over and all the issues you have with your husband. Write down every single detail that has led to this feeling in your married life. Once you have finished writing everything you can think of, keep the diary aside and don’t look at it for a few days. Open it on a day when you feel absolutely all right, with nothing but happiness surrounding you. On this day, read through everything you have written and contemplate whether you are right and fair in thinking that it is your husband’s fault. To think a bit further than that, ask yourself whether a divorce is the solution to these problems. If you feel that it is still very much required, then yes, divorce is perhaps the right decision.

Say No to AssumptionsAll of us, you and me, always assume things to some extent. We all think we know exactly what the other person is thinking at times. But no, that isn’t always true. If you accuse or blame someone of some wrongdoing, you have to give that person a chance to explain. Never think too much into anything, it spoils every relation almost instantly. Sit down with your spouse on a weekend and discuss your married life and the way it’s heading to an end. Discuss the problems you have, with each other and also how these problems arose. Find a way that can make things all right again, for the both of you. Be a good listener from the start of the conversation, which will help it last longer. Put your heart out in front of your spouse and the outcome might just surprise you.

A Third OpinionWhen you are done listening to yourself and nothing seems to work out, talk to others for advice. This will really help you in understanding how to know if divorce is the right decision. We are always bias to ourselves and that’s only human, isn’t it? Yes, there are times when we think rational but when the heart thinks more than the brain, it’s time to seek help. You can talk to your friends and not, your colleagues. You need to talk to people who know you, and your spouse. If you feel any better, try to log in forums on the Internet and groups, which deal into counseling before divorce. Though I would suggest just the advice from friends, you can seek it anywhere that makes you feel better. The one thing you should be aware of is to not let negativity surround you all the time.

Think About the ChildrenIf you have children, this is another major responsibility you have with you. It is very important for children to grow up in an emotionally healthy manner. Divorce will not only be the separation of you and your spouse, but also that of the family. Again, just because you have children, doesn’t mean you make them live in an atmosphere that is always surrounded by tensions and problems. If your marriage is having a negative effect on your children, divorce might be the right decision to take. Working out things for the better is a quality of the matured, and if you think you both have it in you, give it a shot. If even one of you is not capable of doing the needed, it is time to quit. Whether you like it or not and how much ever normal it may seem, a divorce is a divorce, where you quit and refuse to put in more.

After thinking about what you just read, you should know when is the right time for divorce. I hope this information told you how to know, if divorce is the right decision. To sum up everything, divorce is the right decision only when there is no way that would lead to reconciliation. This is when hope says goodbye. If you think you really need some counseling, don’t think twice and just visit a counselor. The more you think, the less reality you see and more the problems you create, just for yourself! After all, you do need to plan for your present to have a better future, don’t you?

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/how-to-know-if-divorce-is-the-right-decision.html