Helping those in need with your divorce issues today

Archives for long term

The Long Term Effects of Divorce on Children

You don’t have to look very far to see the long term effects of divorce on children. Single parent homes and particularly fatherless homes create a difficult environment for successful parenting. Tragically, single parent homes often take a heavy toll on children.

According to the US census bureau, fatherless homes account for 90% of homeless and runaway children, 85% of children with behavior problems, 85% of youths in prison, 71% of high school dropouts, 63% of youth suicides and well over 50% of teen mothers.

And if that’s not enough to convince you of the long term effects of divorce on children, consider this. Seventy percent of long-term prison inmates grew up in broken homes. That’s 7 out of every 10!

Behavioral problems are common among children from broken homes. These problems often start with a fundamental expression of anger because they feel trapped by their parent’s demands, robbed of their separate identity and denied the care-free lifestyle of a child.

But there is a way to curb the long term effects of divorce on children. There are important steps you can take to help insure that your children do not become a negative statistic.

Having both biological parents in a unified and active role with their children is clearly the best of all worlds. But if a divorce is in the making, or if a divorce has become inevitable, take the necessary steps to help protect your children from the emotional trauma associated with divorce.

Use this link to get more information on the long term effects of divorce on children or visit

Identifying the Root Causes of Poverty

I receive alot of criticism because of my stance on universal health care, with most critics claiming I do not care about the poor. For starters I would like to make it known that I do not believe those who cannot afford health care should be left for dead, on the flip side however, I do not believe more government is the solution. The solution to the health care crisis in this country aside from minor governmental reforms such as deregulating the industry thereby allowing residents from one State to purchase insurance in another, lies in the overwhelming number of people currently living in poverty. There has been much talk about the ‘war on poverty’ in this country and how the government needs to do more to help those in need. More and more, Americans appear to be relying on our government to take care of them, refusing to take any blame whatsoever for their financial position. Several years back the National Center for Policy Analysis (NCPA) released a study titled How Not To Be Poor. The study outlined some of the common traits those living below the poverty line shared, and offers a roadmap to eradicating poverty in this country. The solution to the poverty crisis seems obvious to some, but it bears repeating over and over again, because many just do not grasp the concept. Before looking at the solution to poverty in America, it is important to first examine the cause of it. According the NCPA study, the majority of Americans living in poverty shared some of the following characteristics: No High School DiplomaAccording to the 2001 Census Bureau report, 22.2 percent of individuals without a high school diploma were living in poverty compared to only 9.6 percent of those with a high school diploma. Additionally 14.2 percent of high school dropouts were living in long term poverty, compared to only 3.8 percent of those with high school diplomas who lived in long term poverty.Not Married8.6 percent of unmarried adults with no children live in poverty, with a staggering 51.6 percent of unmarried adults with 2 or more children lived in poverty. Additionally the study found nearly 80 percent of children living in long term poverty live in some type of broken family or with a never married parent.There are those who would argue that a low minimum wage is the underlying cause of poverty, or at least a catalyst. Only 2.6 percent of individuals over the age of 16 with full time jobs are poor, as opposed to 11.4 percent of individuals who only work part time. Over the long term full time workers have a 0.4 percent chance of being poor. This study makes it apparent (at least to me) that the solution to poverty in America is not more government programs, with more wealth redistribution. The answer lies with the individual, more importantly with individual responsibility. In those who finish high school, get married, have children only within a marriage and go to work, the odds of long-term poverty are virtually nil. The Michael Moore’s and Hillary Clinton’s of this country wish to “Move from me to we”, creating a country where we each take responsibility for the actions of others. This is precisely the oppossite of what needs to be done. Killing individualism, and rewarding those who do not work by confiscating the property of those that do has already proven in other countries to be bad government policy. If Americans refuse to take responsibility for their actions on an individual level, they are dooming us all to a life of government intervention and loss of personal liberty.

3 Ways To Stop A Divorce

While many people will give you various advice on ways to stop a divorce there is a good way to test if the advice is any good. Does this advice help in the long term or short term? Does this advice come from a base of love and compassion of trickery and deceit? These are the factors that you can use to filter the real solutions from the chaff.

Why people offer advice that is short term or based on deception may be because it has worked for them by luck or that they do not really understand the base reasons for a successful happy marriage and only look at ways to stop breaking apart rather than reasons to stay together which may sound like the same thing but are a world apart. You see stopping a divorce is a short term solution but it the first thing people look for, building a marriage for the long term is harder but yields better results of course. Too many look for ways to stop a marriage and promise themselves they will improve their marriage for the long term once the immediate threat to stability is over but in doing so they either forget to follow through or they damage their chance in their actions to stop the divorce with trickery. So while the title to this article is about ways to stop a divorce they are geared to help with longer term relationships issues to stop it happening again

* Act, Don’t Talk – How often have you said that everything will be fine, that you can change, that things will get better. How often do you think your partner believes you, how often have you said it before with no results? Words in a time of crisis can feel hollow no matter how heartfelt. The more it sounds like an excuse the more this kind of reasoning will make matters worse. Actions speak louder than words and show true love and commitment. Don’t say, just DO!

* Do Not Blackmail – One problem that is easy to fall into is using emotional blackmail to get a result, this may get a short term result but will ultimately fail. Using children as a weapon is often used and simply breeds resentment for example. Another case of emotional blackmail is something we do accidentally using the words “but I love you.” nothing sounds as bad as this in a heated argument not because it is a lie as you genuinely mean it but because it can be seen as a way to bypass a real issue or as a way to hit them were they are vulnerable making them either give in or to reject that love. An ultimatum which in a heated argument is a terrible idea!

* Lose The Ego – Most divorces start from arguments, yelling matches that are crude ways of airing frustrations in a desperate attempt to find a solution to a deeper problem that your egos may be hiding from your partner. When you marry someone you are suppose to open up to them your heart and soul and put aside your ego which is used to shield you against the harshness of the world but can only inhibit love and its problems in a relationship. Instead you must learn to put aside your defenses and your counter arguments, let your guard down and do not fight back. This may hurt but only by doing this can you defuse the anger and tension and you will find that if your partner loves you they will also not want to attack an unarmed opponent and will stop seeing you as an opponent but instead as their lover and partner. Of all the ways to stop a divorce this is the most important skill to true resolution and the growth of love.

So if you are prepared to be the one who saves your marriage even if you think your partner does not want it click below to find guides written by experts that can give you step by step advice on how to stop a divorce and save your marriage.

Common Risk Factors And Possible Causes Of Divorce

The first thing that we need to take into consideration when we not considering this object is not very little scientific data exists on it. No statistics on courses and risks of divorce are really collected. Whether this has anything to do with not wanting to tempt fate etc. it just isn’t collected.

Most people would counter this allegation by saying that grounds for breakup have to be filed with the divorce documents and call when a divorce is instigated by one of the things that has been found is that quite often actual course of the divorce are not the same as the so-called grounds for divorce.

The other thing about divorce is that sadly most people make it up as they go along unless you happen to be a serial divorcee in which case your attitude in subsequent divorces will be influenced by your earlier experiences.

I you are you looking for a way to ensure that your marriage will not end up in divorce? Unfortunately there is no such guarantee. However, there is of course statistics that are taken from exhaustive research from thousands of divorced couples. For example, below are potential “risk” factors that may contribute to a marriage heading for divorce:

* Having a personality tendency to react strongly or defensively to problems and disappointments in life

* Having divorced parents.

* Living together prior to marriage.

* Being previously divorced, yourself or your partner.

* Having children from a previous marriage.

* Having different religious backgrounds.

* Marrying at a very young age (for example, at the age of eighteen or nineteen; the average these days is about twenty-five or twenty-six years of age for first marriages).

* Knowing each other for only a short time before marriage.

* Experiencing financial hardship.

There is something very important about this list that we’d like you to notice: once a couple is married, they can do nothing to directly lower any of these risks. These are called static risks because they are relatively unchangeable. Reflecting on these factors can be useful in understanding how much risk the two of you may have, but there is little you can do to change any of these – and certainly not quickly.

In contrast to the static factors shown in the preceding list, there are risk factors that relate more directly to how you treat one another, how you communicate, and how you think about your relationship. We call these dynamic risk factors because, although they do increase the risk that a couple won’t do well, they can all be changed with some thought and choice and effort.

* Negative styles of talking and fighting with each other, such as arguments that rapidly become negative, put-downs, and the silent treatment.

* Difficulty communicating well, especially when you disagree.

* Trouble handling disagreements as a team.

* Unrealistic beliefs about marriage.

* Different attitudes about important things.

* A low level of commitment to one another, reflected in such behavior as failing to protect your relationship from others you are attracted to or failing to view your marriage as a long-term investment.

* Not practicing faith together.

In general, higher levels of risk (due to either static or dynamic factors) are particularly tied to greater difficulties in handling problems and negative emotions well. For example, studies suggest that people whose parents divorced are more likely to come into marriage as adults with communication problems and also a diminished belief or trust that their relationship can work in the long term. In essence, even the static factors tend to express themselves through the dynamic factors. All other things being equal, the more static or dynamic risk factors you have, the more likely you are to experience difficulties.

Stephen Morgan writes about a number of issues and more information on the above can be found at the following links:Divorce statistics ,Divorce Rate and Divorce Lawyers

The “Non-Divorce” Divorce

This past week, typically mindless commentary during a popular morning talk show caught my attention. All of a sudden amidst my morning routine, I heard words and phrases like “solution” and “cost-effective” and “best interests of the children” and… “divorce.” The host claimed there is a new phenomenon in which a married couple remains together, in almost every sense of the word, despite the fact that both desire a divorce. He referred to it as the “non-divorce” divorce. Supposedly, this trend is gaining popularity as the solution to a failed marriage.

The “non-divorce” divorce is a mutual verbal agreement between two married individuals who want to keep their marriage in tact, but fully accept that the relationship is over. The goal is to feel divorced while continuing to live together and not get a divorce. In other words, the couple does not want to go through the divorce process, but they don’t want to reconcile either. They don’t want to hire attorneys, file papers, argue over custody or support, lessen the time their children see either of them, or lose one-half of their financial assets. So, they decide to remain as if they are married. They live in the same family home as roommates, participate in their children’s lives as they had before they wanted a divorce, and maintain/preserve the marital estate.

Of course, most couples who attempt the “non-divorce” divorce are those who have children and/or those that have been married a considerable period of time and do not feel it is beneficial to disrupt the community on an emotional or financial level. Or at least they feel that the costs of a divorce clearly overshadow the costs of remaining together-even when there is no love left.

I cannot speak to the negative psychological effects that could result from this “solution.” However, I can certainly speak to the negative legal effects and problems that could arise.

First, if you never decide to separate in family law terms (that is, one party making a conscious decision that the marriage is irrevocably over and communicating the intention to end the marriage), there is never a date of separation. The “date of separation” is important in family law because it marks the end of the community. From that date there is no longer a collection of community assets or community debts-instead, a spouse’s separate property and debts begin to accumulate, as they did before marriage. Your spouse will continue to be entitled to one-half of all of your property and you will be liable for one-half of your spouse’s debt. Therefore, if you are both managing your finances separately without full disclosure and mutual agreement, you could be adversely affected. What’s more, your spouse will continue to be entitled to all benefits they were when you were happily married, including possible rights to the family home, life insurance, devises/gifts from a will or trust, and health insurance, to name a few.

The determination of a long term marriage (which can yield indefinite spousal support) is also associated with the date of separation. For example, if your marriage is eight years in duration, and you attempt a non-divorce for 3 years, followed by a real dissolution, the court’s characterization of the marriage as long term will probably be contested and require substantial litigation.

Living as financially independent roommates could also present a problem with expenses. Unless you agree to distribute both of your respective incomes in a way that benefits the community, one spouse may not have enough to support his or her lifestyle. Regardless, if you are still residing in the family home with your spouse, the courts will not grant any spousal or child support. Since you have avoided going to the courts entirely, a support award is virtually impossible anyway.)

In the same way, no child custody or visitation orders will ever be established. This means that after attempting the “non-divorce” divorce for a year or so, and after resorting to the real thing, a parent may have a hard time making a case that he or she should be the primary custodian. This is because even if one parent is the primary caregiver during the non-divorce, this fact will be hard to establish if both parents were living in the same home all the while.

For the aforementioned reasons, the non-divorce presents significant legal problems. Spouses who try this “solution” cannot be guaranteed that one spouse will not attempt to obtain a legal divorce down the road. If this occurs, a spouse will not be afforded some of the protections that a traditional divorce provides. In order to ensure that you make an educated decision, you should speak to an attorney who specializes in family law matters. He or she can point you to two potential solutions-a post-nuptial agreement or a legal separation. Both options will cost some amount of fees and time in mundane paperwork, but will allow you to live whatever lifestyle you want with protection and peace of mind.

Copyright (c) 2007 Law Offices of Donald P. Schweitzer

Divorce and children: Putting children first

For most of us, the first thing we think about after we get married is having children, for others it is the farthest thing on the mind. For those of us who think about having children after marriage, we also need to think of what type of parents we will be. While there is not a book written that can tell you what personality your child will have and how to handle any problems that may arise, there are parenting classes that can help you prepare for this task.

If you are from the “old school,” you will think that it all comes naturally and you can handle anything but in today’s society, it is different. It does not all come naturally. Parents today are dealing with situations that they could not imagine would happen.

Divorce is a major problem for our children today. At one point, the divorce rate in California was up to 75%. What do we do when this happens to us? We need to learn to think only about our children. This is more difficult than it sounds but parents need to look at the long-term effect that this has on our children. Some children are severely traumatized by divorce, especially if the divorce is a nasty one, and/or if there is a prolonged or an intense custody battle. Some of the effects of a divorce will pass in time; others may last for weeks, years, or even the rest of a child’s life. Children who go through a divorce face major issues with self-esteem. Sometimes they even believe that they themselves caused the divorce, or that they did something wrong that made mommy and/or daddy want to not be with them. These self-esteem issues, if not addressed, can be long-lasting.

Some children also develop a lot of security issues and fears. When one parent is absent, the child can also feel lonely and depressed. Who are you as a parent to forbid your child to see the other parent? Didn’t you both make that child together? In some extreme situations, it might be the best thing for the child not to see the other parent but in some situations where the child has a mother and a father that are willing and able, who are you to deprive them of that?

Long-term studies suggest that a person’s overall social adjustment will relate directly to how her/his quality of life and her/his relationship with both of her/his parents turn out after a divorce. If both parents continue to be involved and have healthy relationships with the child, he is more likely to be well-adjusted.

Other studies suggest that there is a “sleeper effect” of divorce. This is the idea that

Reasons For Adultery – And How The Shocking Statistics Reveal Why Noone Can Be Complacent

Everyone in a marriage or long term relationship needs to be aware of the main reasons for adultery especially in view of the most recent statistics. Recent surveys have revealed that 45% of women and 55% of men have been guilty of committing adultery. Of course these are just the ones who have admitted to it or have been caught so the real numbers must be considerably higher.

There are different areas in their marriages that those surveyed found lacking. 65% of those who admitted to committing adultery said that they lacked sexual intimacy so they chose to look for it elsewhere. 20% claimed that the emotional side of their relationship was lacking, whilst the rest cited physiological needs as the reasons for their dishonesty.

So with these staggering adultery statistics don’t you think it’s in your best interests to know what the main reasons for it are? You should never be complacent in your own marriage because these figures demonstrate that adultery is not just something that happens to someone else.

Whether it’s one night stands or long term affairs it’s quite clear from these alarming figures that everyone has the capability to cheat on their partner.

Research reveals that there are 5 main reasons for adultery. These are:

1. Loneliness.

This can be when one partner spends a lot of their time away from home either concentrating on their professional career or simply preferring to spend more time with their friends or pursuing their own interests.

2. Communication barriers.

Poor communication invariably causes problems in a marriage or relationship. Problems and arguments left unresolved can easily compound and fester when partners are either unwilling or unable to discuss these with each other.

3. Lack of love and affection.

Love and affection are essential ingredients in any marriage or relationship. Lack of affection or love is one of the most common reasons for adultery. People will look to others when these needs are not being met by their spouse or partner.

4. A poor sexual relationship

Boredom in the bedroom will often lead to one or even both partners going off and seeking excitement and variety elsewhere.

5. Lack of intimacy

Marriages need intimacy to survive. Without this in your marriage you may well feel unloved, rejected and unwanted.

So there you have the 5 top reasons for adultery and the scary statistics that go with them. If you are aware of any of these issues in your own marriage maybe you should address them before it’s too late! Read on…

Don’t become one of those statistics. Take action now to safeguard your marriage. For advice on what you can do get our free reports ‘Infidelity: How Can You Prevent It’ and ‘How To Keep Your Relationship Honest’ from

These reports are part of a free mini series on infidelity by Relationship coaches Doug and Chris Young who really can walk the talk, having survived infidelity in their own marriage

Effect Of Divorce On Children

Lately, the psychologists and analysts are keenly studying the development pattern of the youth and the children. The main point of debate is negative effect of divorce on the young children. With regular follow up and researches, some of the mysteries have been unfurled. Yet there is still a lot to be dug out to find the extent of effect divorces make on the young generation.

Today’s studies mainly focus on the long-term effect of divorce on children. When keenly observed, the studies show that apart from short-term effects, which are visible immediately within months from divorce, there are certain effects that surface in the later years and are detrimental to the understanding of relationships, emotional stability and overall development of the children.

For many the divorce of their parents can change the whole life and their perspective towards looking at life.

Please note, “Emotional outburst of a kid is far better than long term depression.”

Startling Increase in the Divorce Rate

The statistics on divorce rate are highly alarming. The rate is mostly high in the industrialized western countries. In the United States, during the early sixties the divorce rate was 10.6 per 1000 marriages that by late seventies increased to 22.8 percent. In Canada, the divorce rate in 1997 was near to 51 percent. The negative repercussions of these divorces mostly give traumatic experiences to the family, the couple and importantly to the children.

Pre-Divorce Phase Is Equally Tumultuous

Although, adults go through traumatic experiences a lot, they have the strength to overcome it and eventually most of them settle with another partner in their life. However, children demand the most attention as it is difficult for them to adjust to rapid changes in their lives. From termination of relationship to divorce and court custody cases, the children are forced to face anguishing situations without any fault of theirs. In addition, for most of these kids understanding the reasons behind these changes is beyond comprehension.

The period before the divorce is equally problematic for the children as the quarrelling and arguments in the house create an unhealthy living environment. By the time, the relationship reaches the rock and is on the verge to break-up the children’s innocence has already paid the price. The legal battles can be lengthy especially there is problem of children’s custody and maintenance. This argument continues for years together and during this time, the concept of safe and happy home that the children carry in their mind shatters completely.

Known Short-Term Effects of Divorce on Kids:

  • Acting Out, Aggression or Impulsivity
  • Sadness, A Bit of Depression and/or Stress
  • Economic Hardship
  • Increased Dependency
  • Interpersonal Conflict
  • Less Consistent Discipline
  • Less Parental Supervision
  • Lower Academic Achievement
  • More Negative Sanctions
  • Non-Compliance or Opposition
  • Perceived Parental Loss
  • Lower Self-Concept and Social Adjustment Difficulty

Long Lasting Impact of Divorce on Children

Many contemporary theorists believe that the divorce phase, including the period before the divorce, during the divorce process and post divorce has long-term negative effects on the kids. The researches of the past 10 years have focused on many aspects related to this topic such as sleeper effect, delayed social mutation, increased likeliness of marital dissolution or instability and also lower levels of socioeconomic status and academic achievement. The researchers have concluded that to cut down the long-term effect of divorce on the children, proper intervention from the families is important. It is a prime duty of the close friends and the other family members to ease out the children from the stressful situations and ensure that the adverse effects reduce as much as possible.

Similarities and Variation in Negative Effects

The recent studies indicate that the long-term negative impact can differ from child to child, but there are certain similarities too. The key factors that dominate the impact of divorce on children include

  • Degree of conflict among parents,
  • Changes in financial conditions,
  • Changes in the style of parenting,
  • Loss of contact with one of the parent

The children miss both their parents and if either of the parents becomes nonresidential, it creates a sense of loss and insecurity within the child.

According to the studies conducted by Wolfinger and his colleagues in 2003, the siblings living together also are impacted differently even though they go through similar situation. For some kids the effect is long lasting while some children, especially in their teens come out of it earlier and manage to take hold of their lives. The intensity of the long-term divorce effects depends apart from age on the gender of the child as well. The gender of child plays a major role too. Contrary to the fact that both girls and boys are facing the same stressful situation, girls are known to come out of such situation in better way than the boys do.

  • What to say
  • How to Say
  • What not to
  • What to Do
  • Tell them the truth. Tell them you are with them
  • Keep your cool
  • Don’t sulk
  • Give an honest assurance
  • Express your love
  • Maintain respect
  • Don’t nag
  • Maintain a routine
  • Answer them honestly
  • Clear all the misunderstandings
  • Don’t criticize
  • Tack their progress
  • Give facts, if the facts disgrace other partner, avoid them altogether.
  • Be gracious in your response
  • Don’t hurt them – emotionally or physically to vent your anger
  • Spend some quality time together

Co-Relation between Divorce and Educational Attainment

The studies of Wolfinger also reveal that there is a co-relation between the divorce and educational attainment. The effect and relation is more significant in the families where the children grow up with stepparents and stepfamilies. Surprisingly, children who grow up with their mother as single parent show significant divorce rate and have more chances of failing academically. On the other hand, those who are raised in stepfamilies have long lasting and stronger marriages and a good career.

Multiple Divorces Have Devastating Effects

Many children unfortunately have to face multiple divorces and separations in their families. This further increases the intensity of difficulties that the children face. Such children grow up without any faith for relationship and are recluse. This can prove problematic for their future emotional and career growth.

Canadian Law: Divorce and Child Custody

Parenting is not an easy task. Children are greatly affected by separation or divorce. They have to choose between either of their parents when they want both of them together. Although, these things cannot be altered, at least by settling the property and the custody issue fairly, the parents can do some justice to their upbringing. Some of the main decisions you would have to take are how much time and money you each are going to give to your kids and who will have an upper hand when it’s time to take career or other personal decisions for them.

Serious Signs to Watch For

Of course, each child goes through turmoil during breakup or divorce of parents. Yet there are signs that you should monitor closely. The effect of this emotional setback should not result in permanent damage.

  • Drug or alcohol abuse
  • Refusal of activities that he/she enjoyed earlier
  • Poor or No concentration at all
  • Violent outbursts
  • Sleep disorders
  • Self-injury, cutting, or eating disorders
  • Frequent angry
  • Absolute Withdrawal from friends and family

Be extremely cautious that these signs do not develop in your child for long run. They are the future and we, as adults need to do everything that we can to nurture them so that they turn out to be really healthy, happy, mature, and progressive leaders. Parenting is never easy and it is our prime duty towards future too.

Find out more about your relationship compatibility with your partner. Relationship School even has a special section on couples counseling helping them to build a stronger and healthier relation.

Get tips on how to help children to do their homework or find out if you are just yet ready for kids at all. Every relationship requires some commitment and relationship experts guides you to be able to be committed to your every relation.

Get the perfect ideas, exclusive information, and free help for all your relationship queries only at If you are looking for online dating and have confusion on how to judge the other partner then Violet Blues is there to help you.