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Which type of divorce is right for you?

Ending a marriage can be a scary proposition, especially if you are uncertain about your options when it comes to getting a divorce. Although there are several different kinds of divorce, in general most couples in the United States enter into a no-fault, uncontested divorce. Unlike the nasty custody battles that you may see on popular television, most husbands and wives are able to come to an agreement about the terms of their divorce either on their own or with the help of a mediator. Very few divorces go to court.

Fault vs. No-Fault

Until the 1970’s the majority of states required “fault” to be proven in order for a divorce to be granted. Adultery, physical or mental cruelty, desertion, confinement in prison, physical incapacity for sexual intercourse and incurable insanity were the only grounds for divorce.

With the exception of New York, all states have now adopted “no-fault” divorce laws which allow couples to end marriages by citing such reasons as irreconcilable differences, incompatibility, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage. “No-fault” divorces can be initiated by one spouse and do not require the consent of both parties.

Although many states do still permit “fault” divorces in addition to “no-fault”, chances are good that you will be dealing with a “no-fault” divorce. Be aware though, that even in the case of a “no-fault” divorce, your behavior may still be taken into account when decisions are made about property, debts, custody and support.

Contested Versus Uncontested

If you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement on issues such as distribution of property, division of debt, child support, spousal support and child custody, you will be filing an uncontested divorce, and be in the company of roughly 95% of the divorces in the United States.

If, however, you and your spouse cannot agree on terms, either alone or with the help of a mediator, your divorce is considered contested. Divorces that are contested can take a toll, both emotionally and financially. When agreements cannot be reached between spouses, the issues are taken to court, and a judge is left to decide how to distribute your assets and take care of your children.

Types of Divorce

Whereas divorces can be fault or no-fault, contested or not contested, there are also different ways in which the divorce process can be carried out.


Summary divorces are appropriate when spouses easily agree on the terms of divorce, or when certain eligibility requirements are met

Divorce Law Connecticut Fault Have Any Effect?

The state of Connecticut refers divorce as “dissolution of marriage”. In Connecticut there is nothing as no-fault divorce, which means that to get divorce in this state you have to prove a marital fault. The degree of marital fault will determine the financial matters related to the divorce e.g. division of asset, alimony etc. There are various grounds on which marital fault can be proved in the court. These marital faults have strong effect on the verdict of your divorce. We have discussed the grounds for fault divorce below.

  • The marriage broke down irretrievably- This means that there is no scope that the marital relation, which broke down will regain its original position again.
  • Separation for a period of more than 18 months- Means if the couples had got separated for a period of more than 18 months.
  • Adultery- Either of the spouse have been engaged in marital misconduct. Either of them had sexual intercourse with his/her respective lover and this must be proved in the court with video tape or photographs.
  • Will full desertion for a period of one year- Either of the spouses has deserted the other spouse for a period of one year or more and had neglected his/her duties after marriage.
  • Absence for a period of seven years without any contact- If one of the spouses has been absent for a period of seven years and had kept no contact with the other spouse.
  • Intolerable cruelty- If one spouse acted on the other spouse with intolerable cruelty.
  • Lifetime imprisonment- If one of the spouses has been sentenced lifetime imprisonment, the other spouse can file a divorce based on this.
  • Fraudulent contract(This must be discussed with the family lawyer, and may differ as per the case)
  • Infamous crime
  • Confinement in mental institution for a period of 5 years

These are the faults based on which divorce can be granted in Connecticut. In Connecticut divorce can also be granted based on annulment. As per the definition of annulment, it says that there never existed a divorce between the man and the woman. It is very difficult to prove this in the court and if you are planning to go by this method; you have to talk to a good divorce lawyers. You need to prove that marital relation never existed between you and your spouse. If religion is the base for annulment, then you need to talk to a priest before talking to your divorce attorney. Connecticut has a lot of experienced divorce lawyers who handle such types of cases every day. They will guide you properly regarding the problems you face during the divorce.

To get divorce in Connecticut you have to produce certain documents. You must gather these documents at the earliest so that you don’t face any problem in your divorce proceedings. Any document related to pre nuptial agreement, legal separation and other things like these may come in use during your divorce proceeding.

No Fault Divorce is it Good for New York

The state of New York has become the last state in the union to sign no fault divorce into law; this now allows couples to get divorced without having to prove any wrongdoing or abuse. Before the passing of this law couples would need to be separated for a year and one side had to be at fault, causing many people to make up stories of wrongdoing or abuse. Now with this law being passed a couple can get a divorce without having to find fault in either party. Of course as with any change comes controversy, is making divorce easier fair to women, will it increase divorce rates, will any good come out of it?

Many women groups have expressed a great deal of concern over the new law changes claiming that it would be harmful to most women. The reason for this is the no fault option would leave many women who are not the main bread winner in their household without any bargaining power during the process. These concerns that the more moneyed spouse would hide assets and income prior to divorce proceedings and then rush through the divorce leaving the other party without the money its due and while this may have been true decades ago in this day and age of two income families it is not as cut and dry. Money issues aside there have been many studies that have found some good news for women. In research done in states that have adopted similar laws to that of New York have found that domestic violence has decreased after adopting these laws, it was also found that women were less likely to commit suicide when they were able to leave their marriages unilaterally.

There have been many opponents of the no fault divorce that claim an almost certain increase in divorce rates and being that it generally ranks among the lowest so that fear of increase could be very real. Massachusetts which has the lowest divorce rate in the United States has had a no fault divorce law passed since 1975. This is attributed to a couple of reasons, first is it has a high population of highly educated people who tend to not marry young which is a major contributor to divorce. Second it also has a high population of catholic people who despite changes in society still do not divorce at the rate of the rest of society. New York state has both of these they have a high population of highly educated people and a high population of Catholics. So after the most likely initial surge in divorce, it should settle down and continue to be among the lowest divorce rate in America.

With so much publicity given the no fault divorce law passing in New York and the upheaval that it might cause we must remember that it was passed in all the other states and they still manage to move on. What needs to be concentrated on is the issues that lead to divorce and educate people so that they understand the consequences of their actions.


The Top 10 Reasons Why Women Divorce

According to the national Center for Health Statistics, the woman files two-thirds of divorce cases. A more amazing statistic is that when the couple are college-educated, divorces initiated by the wife is a whopping 90-percent!

What’s more interesting that for the past one-hundred years the primary filer has been the woman. The divorce rate began climbing at a drastic rate in the 70s. This statistic correlates with the fact that beginning in 1969, states began adopting “no fault” divorce laws and by 1985, all states had such a law in place.

The “no-fault” divorce allowed a couple to divorce due to irreconcilable differences. Prior to these laws, adultery or extreme cruelty had to be proven for a divorce to be granted.

This may be the reason why many people think that it’s no big deal for a woman to go through divorce. The truth is that divorce is extremely painful for all parties involved. Most women do not want a divorce. They took their vows seriously and believed they would be married for life. They want a partner, a friend, a lover and a mate that cherishes them.

Even though many women work today, they are still expected to be the primary housekeeper and main caregiver of their children. This adds an extreme amount of undue pressure on her. This means that women actually have two jobs. In many workplaces, women are still dealing with inequality, watching male counterparts get promotions, as they are passed over time and time again.

Due to beliefs that have been passed down from mother to daughter for generations, many women today still struggle with who they are and what their roles in society are meant to be. It’s an inner struggle that often leads a woman to put impossible demands on herself. She wants it all and somewhere inside of her feels that she has to do it all. Whilst at the same time she is screaming for help.

According to a study done at Pennsylvania State University the following is the top 10 reasons why women divorce:

1. Infidelity

2. Incompatible

3. Drinking/Drug Use

4. Grew Apart

5. Personality problems

6. Lack of communication

7. Physical or mental abuse

8. Loss of love

9. Not meeting family obligations

10. Employment problems

Surprisingly financial problems was 13th on the list, which goes to show you that fighting over money all the time (or lack of money) is not one of the primary causes of divorce.

Looking over the list is proof that a woman wants an equal partner. When it comes down to it, both men and women are looking for the same thing. We all want a person that loves us unconditionally. A partner that asks our opinion on important matters, trusts our decisions and respects us as a person. We all want to feel appreciated. We do not want to be put second or third. When we talk, we want to be heard.

At one time, there was love in the relationship. In order to get married most couples had to have felt at least most of the above. They felt on top of the world when they were with their partner. Then life happens. Being different people, each person handles the stresses and pressures of everyday life differently. Arguments begin and communication breaks down. Oftentimes the woman will try anything to make her marriage work. She starts reading books, trying new things, losing weight, buying new clothes and maybe even taking up new hobbies – all in hopes to revive the love that was lost. She only resorts to divorce as a last resort.

Cindy Holbrook is a certified Divorce Coach and has over 20 years of experience helping women to heal, love and find inner peace after their divorce. Her mission is the empower women to take responsiblity in their life and to create the life of their dreams. Pick up your free ecourse “12 Steps to Reclaim Your Life After Divorce” at You may also join her Facebook page