Helping those in need with your divorce issues today

Archives for family members

The Holidays Are a Time to Gather Family History

Covington, KY (PRWEB) November 25, 2013

Dan Knecht of Covington, Kentucky can trace his family roots back to the 1600’s. “I was what you would call an old folks child, always hanging around our elderly family members and learned a lot from them.” Knecht has been working on his family tree for more than 30 years. He credits the Kenton County Public Library in Covington, Kentucky, for giving him some of the tools and resources needed in his search.

The Kenton County Public Library wants to remind everyone that the holidays are a great time to connect with family members and start writing down their family history. “Many people really don’t think about how much information their grandparents or other elderly family members have until it’s too late,” said Elaine Kuhn who oversees the Library’s Local History and Genealogy department. “We want to encourage people to take a few minutes during the holidays to reconnect with their family members and ask about their history. Should you or anyone else in your family want to get started tracing your family heritage, having this information will make the initial search much easier.”

While it may be overwhelming to think about how to get started, Mr. Knecht suggested doing a few simple things to get started. “In addition to talking to your relatives, you’ll want to look through family documents and photos.” Mr. Knecht states he was given hundreds of postcards that were a great source of information. “The postcards not only had beautiful pictures on them, the written part would sometimes offer insight into other family members. For instance, in one postcard there was mention of a baby being born. You can look up the birth records around that time and match the last names and this will give you a bit more information.”

Knecht further states that there are a variety of resources out there to obtain information. “The Internet has made research so much easier,” he states. He spends a lot of time at the Kenton County Public Library using free online research tools including Ancestry.com, Faces & Places, the county and city records and other databases available. He also participates in the Library’s Congenealogy program. Congenealogy is held monthly and invites researchers to come and share their information and tips and suggestions for their research. Many libraries throughout the country have similar programs.

“I’ve learned a lot about my family. I’ve had ancestors that fought in the Revolutionary War on my mother’s side. On my father’s side one of his ancestor’s wrote a book called the “Who’s Who of Cincinnati.” There’s a treasure trove of information out there. You just have to dig a little.”

Researching your family can be a long, but fun process states Kuhn. “Approach the research as a fun hobby. No one becomes a good golfer or bowler the first time out. Family research is the same. Information usually comes in bits and pieces, but the search is 90 percent of the fun. Each “find” makes all the research worthwhile.”

The Covington Branch of the Kenton County Public Library maintains an extensive collection of local history and genealogy materials. It is one of the largest Kentucky history and genealogy collections in the commonwealth. For more information visit the Library online at http://www.kentonlibrary.org/genealogy, in person at 502 Scott Boulevard, Covington, Kentucky (across the river from Cincinnati) or call (859) 962-4070.

Sidebar:

Tips from the Kenton County Public Library on Beginning Your Family History Research

For more information visit the Library online at http://www.kentonlibrary.org/genealogy or call (859) 962-4070.

a) Begin at home. Collect pictures, letters, cards, newspaper clippings and funeral notices. Places at home to check are photo albums, trunks, drawers, family Bible, etc.

b) Talk to relatives. Record or write notes from those conversations-preferably both. Note who said what and when, because there will be some contradictions.

c) Kinds of questions to ask to get people talking: Ask where they were born. Where did they live and when did they live there? Ask about marriages, jobs, clubs and organizations, church memberships, military service, hobbies, etc.

d) Talk to friends of your parents and grandparents. Often friends have heard stories or can share experiences.

e) In seeking information from strangers, call them up or email first. Most people do not like strangers showing up at their front door asking questions.

f) In talking to people, ask not only for facts, but also for family tales, stories, etc.

g) After you talk to someone, or receive information via email, mail, etc., always acknowledge that you got the information and thank them.

Once You Have Background Information, Go To the Library

The Kenton County Public Library has the most comprehensive records in Northern Kentucky for the local counties, but almost all local libraries have some information.

a) First check to see if the library has any books or papers about your family that have already been researched.

b) Check census, church and vital records indexes, many of which can now be found online.

c) Libraries often have city directories, which list the head of the household, where they lived, and occupation. Some libraries also have listings of who are buried in local cemeteries. Cemetery records will pinpoint the date a person died.

e) Check local historical and genealogical societies. When doing research at libraries and societies, chat with people there. It is amazing how often others are either doing research that may be related, or they may know of someone else doing research on related families.

f) County courthouses will have deed records showing land purchases, marriage licenses, deeds, wills, and sometimes birth certificates. Those records are usually kept by the county clerk’s office in the county courthouse.

g) Attend family functions (reunions, weddings, parties). Setting up displays with pictures and written material often helps to get people talking.

h) Be careful in buying books that promise information on your family tree. Most often they are simply lists of people with your last name.

i) When hiring a professional researcher, set the ground rules in advance as to how much they will charge.

j) Document Everything: Where you found it, when, page number, person’s name, etc. Always assume you are going to have to go back to that source for more information.

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2013/11/prweb11349412.htm

The Main Causes of Divorce

Over the years, I’ve noticed a trend in marriages that come to me with problems. It seems that every one of them had at least two of the issues presented in this article. The wise husband or the wise wife would do well to take the temperature of their marriage by examining these six areas.

CHILD REARING DIFFERENCES

Children don’t make a marriage successful. A strong marriage will benefit from having children, no doubt, but if you are hoping that children will help or heal your marriage, you just made a mistake.

Children don’t look to see how they can heal or help their parents’ marriage. They are all about themselves. They will play one parent against the other, they will use one parent to override the other parent’s decisions, and they will play up to one over the other to get their way. This is just what children do. This is why they need parents.

But children often become a source of division in the marriage. If you don’t stand together regarding the discipline of your children, you will find that your marriage will soon begin to struggle.

  1. Have a plan for discipline.
  2. Always stand together before your children.
  3. Never let your children see you argue.
  4. Agree on rules and consequences. Be consistent with their implementation.
  5. Back your spouse up in front of your children.

PROBLEMS WITH IN-LAWS

Much like children in the last point, extended family can do a lot of damage to a marriage. Each of them has their own opinion and they do take sides. Even when they make an effort not to, they tend to switch sides to prove they aren’t taking sides. It’s still taking sides though.

When people have an emotional stake in your marriage, they will tend to interfere. Their intentions may be good or bad, but it is still interference. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Never go to family for marital advice. Go to an impartial person.
  2. Never put your family before your marriage. Failure here causes a lot of pain.
  3. Defend your spouse in front of critical family members.
  4. Never speak of problems in your marriage in front of family members.

MORAL AND VALUE DIFFERENCES

Many marriages form because you enjoy doing things together. You have common interests, or common enjoyments. But what keeps a marriage together is common values.

An atheist and Christian may marry and set aside their differences at first. This usually changes the moment children enter the picture. Both will have a desire to instill their widely separate values in their children. It will cause division. The Bible deals with this issue for the Christian when it speaks of not being unequally yoked together with unbelievers. This is about values more than anything else.

There is no doubt that shared values produce an incredibly strong bond. I’ve watched marriages completely crumble because of widely different value systems.

Most of what you can do about this needs to be done while dating. But if you don’t know the values of your spouse, you need to find out. Here is a short list of values that need to be discussed:

  1. God and religion
  2. Children and discipline
  3. Friend choices
  4. Activities you will or will not participate in
  5. Good or bad habits
  6. Political views
  7. Sex and sexuality
  8. Financial practices

PROBLEMS WITH SEX AND INTIMATE LIFE

Misunderstanding the importance of sex in marriage has killed many a marriage. Men and women often see sex and sexuality different. Our bodies are built different and thus our mental and emotional views of sex are widely different too.

Sex in marriage is a very holy and clean experience that God meant to be fully enjoyable. But often, it is not. Perhaps the husband hasn’t learned to meet his wife’s more complicated sexual needs, or the wife is indifferent and cold during intercourse. Either way, this has caused many divorces.

  1. Good sex in marriage is a lifestyle, not merely physical fulfillment.
  2. Spend a lot of time in foreplay.
  3. Be imaginative.
  4. Be romantic.
  5. Build anticipation. Many women love the emotional impact of anticipation.
  6. Talk. Use your words to convey love along with your body.
  7. Have sexy garments reserved just for your spouse.
  8. And you can guess a lot more.

LACK OF GOOD COMMUNICATION

There is no doubt in my mind that the single greatest key to any relationship is good communication. I believe it so much that I wrote a book about it. You may indeed love your spouse, but if you don’t convey that love somehow and in some way, what good does it?

Learn to communicate. Learn to talk. Learn to develop good communication lines.

  1. Learn to listen.
  2. Have a time to talk.
  3. Talk about mutual interests.
  4. Don’t argue.
  5. Don’t just talk about yourself.

BAD FINANCIAL HABITS

Money habits are often a direct reflection on your character. If you can’t handle your money, you probably struggle in your marriage as well. I’ve witnessed many a man who made good money blow their marriage due to financial mismanagement.

Bad habits with your money lead to stress, anxiety, distrust, suspicion, and generally bad moods. It can rip open a marriage. As a result of this I wrote a budget program to help the married couples in our church. It has done wonders. So many problems have been resolved and avoided because couples learned to handle their money well.

Having good money management skills brings tremendous security to the family and marriage.

  1. Have a budget.
  2. Stick to the budget.
  3. Don’t stray from the budget.
  4. Use the budget.
  5. Let the budget be your boss.
  6. Get the picture?

Please visit our website at: http://fitlyspoken.org

For more books and resources to build relationships, express yourself, and develop stronger communication and social skills. Including our book on developing communication skills ‘Fitly Spoken’.

We also provide a budget program to help you develop good money management skills. Don’t live from paycheck to paycheck anymore. Bring security to your family.

Divorce- A Disaster For Everyone Involved

This is a topic I am oh so familiar with. As a country we all seem to be growing way too tolerant of broken, dysfunctional families. Is it only me or does it seems like more and more American’s are giving up on traditional family values? Do we even know what they are anymore?

My parents divorced when I was young so by the shear nature of being a product of my environment the chances of me staying happily married were slim to none. Staying true to that environment I am needless to say divorced as well. I wish I could have followed the path of my Grandparents who were married for many decades and seemed as though they were content and in love. Well enough about me let me get to the topic at hand.

When I say a disaster for everyone I truly mean that (as I am sure most of you would agree). The emotional emptiness it leaves you compares to nothing else. You are left in a financial state of ruin, your self esteem is shot, and you tend to do and say things you may have never done and said before.

Divorce does not just affect the husband and wife, it affects the whole family. There may have been no other option but to separate. Many people try counseling as a way to fix a broken relationship. Sometimes there is just no way to repair it. There may have been things done and said that can never be fixed. We all do damage with our selfish acts and the cruel words we chose to say to another person. Sometimes the other person may be willing to forgive and move on and sometimes they simply can not.

There (in an uncivil case) is always someone who has the upper hand, gets everything they want and walks away as if they are unhurt. While the other party wonders what went wrong and how they could have done things differently to make the relationship work.

Well how do you fix the many other relationships this affects? It is not a simple task. This conflict between these two individuals can cause a huge rift between other family members.

I feel there is an element in divorce that does not seem to play a BIG enough factor: The Children! The children are left in the care of one parent for the majority of the time while the other is in effect a part-time (or fun) parent. For some this is what they may have wanted for what ever reason, but the children are the ones who really suffer. There are some couples who can look past their differences and focus on one common goal and that is to raise children who understand they have a Mother and Father who love them very much, but really just can not make things work between themselves. They understand that they are equally important (one no more important than the other) in their children’s lives and chose to share their time with them equally.

Either way this is done you will still have problems because the family as a whole is broken. But it is not impossible to make this difficult relationship work. Just a side note but to me the only real important relationship fix is with the children, they are all our future.

But none the less off to the “others” involved. There are the parents of the two individuals who can no longer cohabitate with one another. Where do they fit in to this? Well to me (like I said the children are most important) they should do what ever is in their power to love, nurture, and support their grandchildren as well as help their own child deal with this devastating occurrence in their lives. Depending on the situation they should continue to communicate with the other individual as well as with one another for the sake of the children.

Then there is the other extended family members- siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. ( oh and family friends and church members as well). These good folks should also do what ever is in their power to show their love and support for the children as well.

The hope of this is that the children will not end up products of their environment. This is a very hard topic for me to write about. I am always striving to make sure my children understand it was not their fault in any way. There was nothing they could have done to cause their Father and me to divorce nor could anyone have done in the end to fix the broken relationship he and I had but us.

No matter what your home life was or is like, how you were raised or if you may have raised yourself, you MUST communicate your feelings. Do not be afraid to tell someone how you feel and what you like and do not like. Maybe one day we will be able to make our children understand that divorce is not part of our environment.

http://www.streetarticles.com/divorce/divorce-a-disaster-for-everyone-involved

The Best Way to Stop Divorce

Stop a divorce as much as possible That”s one rule that most married couples abide by for the sake of their children and the immediate family members who can get affected by the separation

Stop a divorce as much as possible. That”s one rule that most married couples abide by for the sake of their children and the immediate family members who can get affected by the separation. The worst scenario could lead to the problems of broken homes and demoralizing children in the family. So it is only necessary for married couples to avoid getting divorced. If the relationship can still be worked out, why not work it out? Isn”t it best to try and make things work?

To stop fighting is one of the best things to do to stop divorce. Simple disagreements lead to serious disputes without respect and consideration. Consider the important fact that everybody commits mistakes at least once in a while. So to make things better, considering the spouse”s opinions or conditions would only be a good step forward. Respect is also very necessary that without which, proper communication wouldn”t be possible at all.

For women, threatening and nagging the husband isn”t at all respectful. Divorce is neither a good bribe nor a good trade. It isn”t a good motivation as well. Women should learn how to control themselves and should avoid yelling or running away. Sometimes, menstrual period is reasoned for this behavior; however, such occurrence can be avoided by simply having an open mind. Whether in a menstrual cycle or not, one has the power to control by simply having the will power to embrace amity.

If love”s the issue, the best way to stop divorce is to establish a good and honest communication in the relationship. When it comes to love affair, consultation could help ease the doubts or misunderstanding. Confrontation as well makes it easier to determine if the spouse concerned is being honest or not. If something is totally wrong, do not pretend. Honesty with ones feelings is only important otherwise, it would only create a series of lies thereby.

Being calm also helps ease the tension so try to be calm. To stop divorce, one must do away with the nonsense fighting. Fighting with each other is not good especially in front of the children. Always consider the sake of the children.

To stop divorce is the same way as stopping the almost impossible. However, in due time, it could be the best choice. It could lead to a happy family and best of all; the moral fiber of the children still stays with the family. It”s truly difficult to stop divorce but with the truest desire of keeping the family whole and happy everything is possible.

A lot of people would have resorted immediately to divorce without amicable settlement first. The result is that the relationship ends, the family broken and the children”s pain are never mended. The best way to stop divorce is to stop being hasty and thinking that the good relationship isn”t recoverable. Imminently, problems are never truly solved with divorce. It just starts more problems as another course of action is taken. To stop divorce is to stop it all!

Stop divorce (http://www.SaveYourMarriageQuick.com) now and save your marriage! Free award winning course on how to save your marriage quickly and easily! Go to http://www.SaveYourMarriageQuick.com now!

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/The Best Way to Stop Divorce-a01073996007

The Top 5 Causes of Divorce – Can You Reconcile?

There are 5 major causes for divorce. The question is whether it is possible for you to reconcile as a couple, and I want to clarify this for you so you can decide what to do. The top five causes of divorce are these:

  • Disagreements about finances
  • Disagreeing on child rearing
  • Sexual differences
  • Unresolved issues with in-laws or other family members
  • Infidelity

Disagreements About Finances and Child Rearing

Disagreements between husband and wife about either finances or child rearing principles account for a majority of the cases of divorce. There is nothing as stressful as living from paycheck to paycheck, and there is no doubt that solving finances could save society a lot of money in picking up the pieces after a divorce. Some have argued that financial management principles should be taught in school, whereas others view this as bordering the private sphere.

Child rearing has changed much in recent years, and many find themselves very confused as to how to handle disagreements. You may have agreed you would discuss such things when kids are laid to bed, but it often happens that couples forget this in the heat of the moment when a contradictory statement is made by a partner.

Sexual Differences Between Man and Wife

Some couples find problems in their sex lives. Not only questions such as one party wanting to try new things whereas the other tries to avoid new experiments. It can be a much deeper problem of different levels of libido. Many grow frustrated in this, and even though some could have solved this through masturbation, it often ends in conflict, and is worth considering very seriously before it ends up as a major problem.

Unresolved Issues With In-Laws or Other Family Members

When in-laws or other family members have an undue influence upon a couple it becomes difficult for them to run their own lives. Building a family requires concentrated effort from both husband and wife in mutual agreement, and other family members must be told off for this to succeed. Overlooking this aspect will very often end in divorce at some point.

Infidelity

The most difficult aspect of marriages ending in divorce is infidelity. It destroys the confidence between a couple, and this almost always ends up with two people totally unable to ever trust one another again.

All the above keys can be worked out, but it requires a mutual agreement to work together as a couple. Whatever separated man and wife needs to be resolved in love. Whenever love is missing it becomes very difficult to handle any of the above challenges, and therefore many marriages end up in divorce.

I thank you for reading this article. If any of your friends are facing divorce, you need to give them the e-book Preventing a Divorce which is available right here: http://www.blunck.dk/recommends/prevent_divorce/ This e-book could save their marriage, and your friends will thank you for giving it to them.

Furthermore, you can find me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/henrikblunck