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Mediation: What is It? And More Importantly How It Affects You!

What is Mediation?

Mediation is an Alternative method of Resolving a Dispute as compared to the normal means of resolving disputes in America – litigation. Traditionally, experts in this field classify mediation as an Alternative Dispute Resolution or ADR. Mediation occurs when two or more parties in a dispute mutually agree to meet with the intent to resolve the dispute with an impartial person, commonly known as the mediator.

And More Importantly How It Affects You!

Mediation really effects you if you live in the State of Florida, the 4th largest state in the country by population, after only California, Texas and New York. Mediation will probably effect you if you live elsewhere as more states are starting to follow Florida’s leading role in mediation.

Florida is the only state where every person currently in a marriage or already divorced can be subjected to mediation whether they like the concept of mediation or not, unless the marriage involved domestic violence. The legal system in the State of Florida for family courts requires judges to send any matters to a family mediation session before even hearing that matter unless the parties were involved in domestic violence.

So, if you are a person who is: Divorcing in Florida; Fighting a divorce in Florida; Separating from a marriage in Florida; Planning to leave your spouse in Florida; Residing in a marriage in Florida; Living in a marriage anywhere and planning to move or to retire in Florida; Marrying anywhere and living in Florida; Delivering a baby in Florida; Having a baby anywhere and moving to or retiring in Florida in the future; Making a baby anywhere with someone who might move to or retire in Florida; Having sex anywhere with someone of the opposite sex who might move to or retire in Florida; and (we might as well just include) Pulsating in Florida or anywhere else; then you should be definitely be aware of mediation. And if you live elsewhere, then you should probably be aware of mediation before you find yourself in one.


A Circuit Civil – Family Law – Divorce Mediator serving throughout Florida: Daddy, Husband, Attorney with a Bachelor in Materials Engineering and a Juris Doctorate from University of Florida.

Stephen Alexander’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

Spousal Legal Abuse — Sticks And Stones In Family Court

I hear battered women’s outrage over what their opposition says about them in divorce court. They take it to heart and integrate the slanderous comments as though they really are the picture painted by the other side.

Best part of it is they usually are not correct in their assumptions and beliefs. Part of my job then becomes helping them awaken to this…and, of course, become enlightened warriors during the warfare and thereafter.

If you are a domestic violence survivor in divorce court and lies are being told about you, remember that your opposition needs to create their case. So what they are doing is really about them, not about you. And what they say is whatever they can grab to establish their favor, their leveraging, their positioning in your case.

Knowing It from the Inside Out

I remember what it was like in my own ordeal, over a decade ago, with domestic abuse and family court. I lived under the threat of custody litigation with a man who was not, by law, an eligible candidate for custody—due to court documented domestic violence and child abuse.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t taunt me with the prospect of it. And all along, I didn’t even know what his grounds were going to be. I only knew he had promised to destroy me in the divorce and he knew my kids were the most important part of my life.

Unveiling the Truth in My Own Case

After four years and $1,600,000 metered legal fees, there was no custody trial. And I remained curious as to what his grounds for custody were going to be, had we gotten that far.

Just before I left, I asked counsel, what were his grounds for fighting me for custody. He said, your husband says, “You meditate.” Funny thing is that this meditation practice was the foundation for what had become the “feather in his cap” and now served as the “sword in my back.”

I had cultivated a self-regulation practice that fueled a very successful biofeedback practice in Chicago, even while working part-time. And I had served as the president of the IL Biofeedback Society and chair of its ethics committee during the course of my marriage.

Now these accomplishments were what my then husband put in his pipe to blow his horn about as though they were his accomplishments. But as we came to cross the line of divorce, suddenly these became the cause to push me out of my kid’s lives.

Don’t look for the rationality; it doesn’t exist here. You must understand what is said about you in court is NOT about you; rather it’s about your opposition’s strategy to carry out their agenda. So don’t personalize it. It’s not about you!

For more information about spousal legal abuse, visit and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps domestic abuse survivors prevent abuse in divorce and custody cases nationwide. Copyright 2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D

As Women’s Shelters Budgets are being Slashed Around the Country, Domestic Violence is on the Rise

Imagine you are in an abusive relationship and you finally gather the courage to leave, only to find that your nearest shelter is already full. Increasingly, such stories are becoming more common as cut backs in government funding force women’s shelters to operate on already way-below shoe-string budgets. Shelters that are over capacity often have to scramble to find another shelter nearby that can take in those women and children they can’t.

And the future looks bleak.

Kathleen Krenek, executive director of Next Door, a domestic violence shelter located in San Jose, CA, was recently quoted in a  San Jose Mercury News article that addresses the growing domestic violence crisis:

This is the reality of shredding the safety net…Government has been cutting social and human services for three to five years now, and I don’t think people know the effects. At this level, most of these people are invisible to them.

And the irony is that domestic violence shelters are facing cuts at a time they are needed most as domestic violence incidents are also on the rise. 

Talk about a double whammy.

A few months back Mary Kay Cosmetics revealed the results of their Mary Kay Truth About Abuse campaign. Their study, conducted in March 2011, concludes that:

– 80 percent of domestic violence shelters nationwide (more than three out of four) report an increase in women seeking assistance from abuse, and most attribute this to financial issues.

– 89 percent of domestic violence shelters expect their overall situation during the next 12 months will be worse than now, due to the economy.

– 76 percent of domestic violence shelters (three out of four) indicate their funding has decreased.– 56 percent of shelters note the abuse is more violent now than before the economic downturn.

Likewise, a U.S. Department Justice study showed that families under serious financial strain are 3 times more likely to be affected by domestic violence.

Pennsylvania, who has seen an 8 percent increase in women seeking assistance by June of this year and had to turn away 3,115 people, has coincidentally noticed another alarming statistic. From 2008 to 2009 Philadelphia police statistics revealed an increase in domestic homicides, from 21 to 36 homicides, a 71% jump. In 2010, 30 domestic homicides were reported.

Nicole Lindemyer , who works for the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence heeds this dire warning: This is a public-health crisis…How many more people need to be murdered until the government recognizes [that]?

 Image credit: Microsoft Clipart


Lisa’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

Lover’s Food for Thought

Chicago, IL (PRWEB) August 29, 2006

The Family Love Teacher is disturbed by today’s new trend of older couples falling out of love after their kids have grown and left home. He wants you to ask yourself these questions:

How much is a successful and lasting love relationship worth to you? How much do you hate being in a divorce court with your husband or wife? How much do you hate going to jail for domestic violence? How much do you hate the frustration of being in love with a person who does not reciprocate your love?

The Family Love Teacher is advocating for more education, because the more marital knowledge you possess, the smarter the decisions you will make. He is urging every man and woman of distinction to learn how to build a joyful family. Here are some of the mind-opening questions he pauses to his seminar attendees to enable them get an insider’s grasp of the causes of marital failure. He stirs your imagination before sharing with you the essential decision-making knowledge you need to protect your love relationship for life. See if you can answer the following questions:

1.    If the couple truly loved each other so much before they wedded, why would they be cheating on each other, separating or divorcing?

2.    If the couple truly loved each other, why would they opt for the toughest decision that hurts the innocent children they brought into this world? Why would they care less today than before they married? Why would they voluntarily place the pain of their mistakes on their innocent children, and make them miss out on the full-time parental love of both parents?

3.    If they truly loved each other so much, why would they be unkind, unforgiving, and insensitive to each other, calling each other witch, bitch, or monster, to the extent of calling for a restraining order? If it was true love, why wouldn’t they forgive each other and agree to develop a friendly solution to whatever conflict they had?

4.    Was it lust, an obsession, or fashion? If not, then what was it? Is true love temporary or it really lasts forever? What are the facts? Why are more than 50% of the marriages not lasting a lifetime? Did one partner change after their wedding, or s/he had pretended to be who s/he was not before the wedding? Is there a way one can influence a partner to change for better and not for worse? How would this be done?

5.    How does one suddenly fall out of love? Is love comparable to a vehicle for easy illustration – that it runs out of gas and requires continuous refueling and service maintenance to keep it running smoothly? If so, what type of gas does it run on? What are the critical secrets of marital success to keep your love growing stronger? How does one develop these life-shaping habits?

If you can confidently answer all these questions, then the Family Love Teacher believes that you have enough understanding to secure your love relationship. If you cannot answer these questions, then he wants you to invest some quality time in learning these timeless principles and techniques taught in this indispensable workbook titled, “10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage”, by Alex Mugume.

Alex is concerned that in this information age, many people are still making blind guesses and repeating these heartbreaking mistakes, and yet all the consequential secrets they need to know are detailed in this workbook. Every smart person who desires to be in a great love relationship owes themselves this superior wisdom. Stop at your nearest public library or good bookstore and get this gift of infinitely-useful knowledge in the "10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage". Don’t wait to wreck your love relationship. Get this unique knowledge today, and start applying the 16 success mindsets you need to make you a better spouse. Now is the best time to start protecting your precious love-life and family.

Alex Mugume is a detail-oriented and highly regarded Family Love Teacher. He is on a mission to build more joyful families, and make divorce and domestic violence plagues of the past. Learn more relationship tips at,


Alex Mugume



Causes of High Divorce Rates for Generation Y

Domestic violence is one of the factors that lead to high divorce rates in Generation Y marriages. Moreover, domestic violence is not an uncommon occurrence in Generation Y marriages. Domestic violence is any form of attack imposed on a family member by another, and this assault causes physical or emotional harm. In an article in South Wales Echo, Paula Hardy, the Chief Executive of Welsh Women’s Aid explains that many people limit domestic violence to the physical component, and they forget that emotional harm is also a form of domestic violence (Alford). This limitation is the main reason why many marriages affected by domestic violence do not last long. Domestic violence occurs in Generation Y marriages mainly when the victim has children out of marriage, the abuser falsely accuses a spouse of unfaithfulness, or when the abuser is under the influence of alcohol or other illegal drugs. Generally, women are the most vulnerable to domestic violence. Many Women tolerate domestic violence for a long time either because they are not aware that they are victims of domestic violence or because of fear that their action will result into more problems in their marriage. These women forget that there is a higher possibility that their husbands will assault them again, and they are willing to remain in their already failing marriages. After a long period of tolerating domestic abuse, these women give up on trying to protect their marriages and then file for divorce, or they are forced to file for divorce by their abusers.

Lack of maturity is the main cause of increasing divorce rates among the Net-Generation marriages. The number of young marriages is on the rise currently. Most young people get married without any knowledge about how to maintain a functional family. Divorce is not one of the challenges that strike Generation Y couples’ minds before they get married. Tara S. Pellegrino, a student lawyer, states, “The large majority of young couples enter this [marriage] with a sense of perceived invincibility, an ‘it can’t happen to us’ mentality that blinds them to the reality that divorce, not death, is the more probable end to the fairy tale.” Many Generation Y teenagers are used to having their parents give them all they need, so they do not think that getting married comes with some responsibilities. At adolescence, many teenagers are usually rebellious and unwilling to listen to their parents’ advice, so when they decide to get married no one has control over their decisions. In their marriages, young couples often face challenges like child rearing, financial insufficiencies, and inability to tolerate their partners’ behaviors. These challenges are the realities about marriage, which most Generation Y couples only realize after getting married. Mary Myrick, a National Health Marriage Resource Center Project Director, says, “There is often a disconnect between attitudes about marriage and the reality of getting or being married” (qtd. in “Young Adults”). Young couples accept the truth about marriage when they are finally married and experience the challenges in marriage. When many young married couples finally find out that marriage involves more than just happiness, they start thinking over the decisions they made, and decide to get divorced because they are too young to think of other problem-solving techniques.

When asked why they decided to end their marriage, most of Generation Y divorced couples, either directly or indirectly, give domestic violence or lack of maturity as the reason. Divorce is not a good trend in a society that is focusing on moving forward. According to Professor Andrew Cherlin of Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, the impacts of divorce are usually evident in a marriage even before the actual breakup, and the children are harmed during their parents’ “conflict” (McGourt). Many children with divorced parents do not get good parenting because of their parents’ differences. Consequently, lack of good parenting increases the children’s vulnerability to peer pressure, and they may end up abusing drugs, being violent, or following through their parents’ footsteps. If this trend persists, there will be no more role models for the coming generations. Therefore, it is important that everybody works towards decreasing the already high divorce rates among Generation Y married couples.

I’m a Biochemistry major at Virginia Tech, but I love to write about anything I know. I love children and I can reson with people who have mental disorders like schizophrenia, depression and bipolar.  View profile