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Higher risk of divorce for couples sharing housework: study

Couples who share housework duties run a higher risk of divorce than couples where the woman does most of the chores, a Norwegian study sure to get tongues wagging showed on Thursday.

The divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 percent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.

“The more a man does in the home, the higher the divorce rate,” Thomas Hansen, co-author of the study entitled “Equality in the Home”, told AFP.

Researchers found no, or very little, cause-and-effect. Rather, they saw in the correlation a sign of “modern” attitudes.

“Modern couples are just that, both in the way they divide up the chores and in their perception of marriage” as being less sacred, Hansen said, stressing it was all about values.

“In these modern couples, women also have a high level of education and a well-paid job, which makes them less dependent on their spouse financially. They can manage much easier if they divorce,” he said.

There were only some marginal aspects where researchers said there may be cause-and-effect.

“Maybe it’s sometimes seen as a good thing to have very clear roles with lots of clarity … where one person is not stepping on the other’s toes,” Hansen suggested.

“There could be less quarrels, since you can easily get into squabbles if both have the same roles and one has the feeling that the other is not pulling his or her own weight,” he added,

In Norway, which has long tradition of gender equality, childrearing is generally shared equally between mothers and fathers (in seven out of 10 couples), said Hansen, speaking notably from a park where he was minding his children.

But when it comes to housework, women in Norway still account for most of it in seven out of 10 couples.

The study also pointed out however that those women were largely satisfied with the situation, and their overall happiness was very close to those women who lived in “modern” couples.

http://ph.news.yahoo.com/higher-risk-divorce-couples-sharing-housework-study-185912288.html

Statistics of Divorce

Divorce has become a common occurrence both in the United States and around the world. According to divorce statistics, it is estimated that between 40 percent and 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce in the United States. In some countries, divorce rates for first marriages exceed 50 percent. Second and third marriages in the United States have even higher divorce rates. According to statistics, second marriages fail at a rate of 60-67 percent, and third marriages fail at a rate of 73-74 percent.

Divorce statistics show that there are number of reasons why marriages fail. According to divorced couples, the number one reason that marriage fails is due to either a lack of communication or poor communication. The second most cited reason for divorce is martial conflicts and arguments. Thirdly, many divorced couples say infidelity led to divorce. While these are the primary reasons cited for divorce, statistics show that there are several underlying factors that contribute to these trends. These factors include, but are not limited to: age, education, income, religion, and cohabitation.

Age

Statistics show that those who get married in their mid to late-twenties are less likely to get divorced that those who marry at a younger age, and that this age group tends to be more satisfied in marriage than those couple who marry later in life. For divorced couples under the age of 20, the women are more likely to initiate the divorce; whereas for divorced couples over the age of 20, the men are more likely to initiate the divorce.

Education and Income

Education and income both play a role in divorce statistics. Data shows that a married couple with a higher education and a higher income is less likely to divorce than a couple with lower education and lower income.

Religion

While several religious denominations show a slightly lower divorce rate of 21-34 percent, other data suggests that those with no religious affiliation have a lower divorce rate than those with reported religious affiliations. It has also been suggested that pastors of local congregations, for various reasons, may not be aware of how many divorced couples are actually in, or have been part of, their congregations.

Cohabitation

Reports suggest that between 40 percent and 85 percent of couples who lived together before getting married had the marriage end in divorce.

Divorce statistics indicate that about one-fourth of adults in the United States have been divorced at least once in their lifetime. Characteristics of individuals that have a higher probability of divorce include:

o younger age at time of marriage

o lower education

o has children from a previous relationship

o cohabitation prior to marriage

o sexual activity prior to marriage

According to divorce statistics, it does not appear that only one factor contributes to a couple’s decision to divorce. Although three primary reasons have been identified by divorced couples as the leading causes of divorce, it seems that underlying factors may contribute to these issues as well.

Robert Grazian is an accomplished niche website developer and author. To learn more about divorce [http://divorceadvicesite.info/divorce-statistics/] visit Divorce Advice Site [http://divorceadvicesite.info/] for current articles and discussions.

Stepfather’s Need Help? Are You Kidding?

By Gerardo O. Campbell

Why are men notoriously known for not seeking help? We have a reputation for not reading instructions, not going to the doctor’s for health issues, not asking for directions, not accepting help when it’s offered or just admitting when we’re struggling with a problem. What comes to mind is the once comical scenario where a couple is driving to a new destination, and they’re totally lost. The man proceeds to “figure it out” on his own, ignoring his wife’s constructive suggestions at his peril and driving an excessive amount of extra miles before even considering stopping to ask for help. In fact, a formal study was recently conducted confirming men drive an extra 276 miles a year for their refusal to get help when they’re lost. Thank goodness for the GPS!

This almost stubborn reluctance to ask for help doesn’t change when we become a stepfather. As a stepfather, you will be challenged by a situation or won’t know how to handle a particular circumstance. Rather than seek outside help to resolve it, you’ll choose to either grin and bear it, attempt to solve on your own or worse yet, just go ahead and file for divorce. Divorce would seem to be the preferred solution for many stepfathers considering the nearly 70% divorce rate for blended families. Since blended families are unique and not like the traditional nuclear family, why doesn’t stepfather’s like asking for help?

PrideSome of us live deluded we have everything in our life under control because of who we are our power, authority, and competence. You don’t need anyone or anything to help you solve anything. No therapist, minister, counsellor or friend is going to tell you how to live your life. You rationalize why you no longer need help, support or understanding from others in your life. In denial about having problems; in having too much pride you are skilled in turning helpful suggestions around, attacking the person who made the suggestion. Above being helped, you systematically cut off offers of help from family, friends or professionals.

FearFear stands for False Expectations Appearing Real. This type of fear is an unhealthy, debilitating fear that holds you back from doing the things you actually should be doing if you’re thinking rationally. For example, you may be hesitant to seek outside help because of how you think you’ll be perceived. After all, men are supposed to have all the answers, and if you seek outside help your woman and her children will think you’re weak and less than a man. You don’t want any of them to dislike or hate you and this often prompts you to make every effort to please, rather than doing what you know in your gut is the right thing to do.

Know-it-All SyndromeClosely linked to pride the name says it all. You could be the type of stepfather that thinks you always know what is best for yourself and everyone around you. However, there comes a time in everyone’s life where you have to admit you don’t know what’s best, and you need some help to steer you in the right direction. The relationship with your stepchildren is particularly delicate and should be handled with care. The slightest misstep could set you back a lot with them. Keep in mind; it only takes one small misstep to break someone’s trust, but will take significant time to gain it back.

IgnoranceOne of the most popular reasons you don’t ask for help may be the fact you have no idea it’s available to you. This happens frequently, because most stepfathers tend to be in the generation that didn’t rely much on the Internet and therefore, have no idea what it has to offer. You may also have joined your blended family with unrealistic expectations thinking it will be like a nuclear family and clueless when things aren’t working the way you expected. It’s understandable that this, combined with any of the above issues, are preventing you from looking into getting the advice and help you need.

ConclusionStepfather’s need help? Absolutely. Your step family is not like the traditional nuclear family. To enter your blended family with expectations based on your nuclear family experiences is setting yourself up and your family for pain and disappointment. Unrealistic expectations combined with the weakness above are a recipe for disaster. Is it any surprise why the divorce rate for blended families is so high? Dirty Harry said it best, “A man has got to know his limitations.” Do you know yours? Most importantly, are you making an effort to address them? Take advantage of the many resources available to you from counsellors, therapists, online resources, family members and friends.

Author’s Bio: 

For men who didn’t have to be – being a stepfather is one of the most challenging jobs around and it’s a role society hasn’t clearly defined yet. There is no standard operating procedures for stepfathers and having the best intentions and crossed fingers isn’t enough to be a successful. Studies show nearly 65% of all second marriages involve children but tragically nearly 70% of these marriages will end in divorce often as a result of the added pressures stepfamilies face. Support for Stepfathers, http://www.supportforstepdads.com , is like “marriage insurance” – where you’ll receive informative content, tools, unique insights and support that will help you be aware of and overcome the challenges unique to the blended family. Through this website I want to share with you my experience, my lessons learned and the lessons learned from others. It is possible to be a successful stepfather and have a thriving blended family. Don’t allow your family to become another statistic.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/print/3753746

Divorce Statistics – What’s Causing the Rise and What to Do If Your Marriage is Falling Apart

In 2010 more than 50% of American marriages will end with a divorce. In many other nations the statistics don’t quite get so high, but are close. It is a shame that society today seems to believe in disposable marriages.

Traditional wedding vows include the statement “until death do us part.” Nonetheless marriage in many ways within the United States has become only slightly more significant than a casual relationship.

This is quite noticeable when looking at public figures. Entertainers, actors and actresses, professional athletes and the like all have divorce rates higher than the rest of society.

Members of the police force, in particular have an extremely high divorce rate. In fact they divorce more than those in any other profession. The profession they are in is particularly hazardous. That combine that with the authority, the uniform, badge, and gun and you have someone that attracts members of the opposite sex like crazy. At the same time their exposure to the negativity and darker side of human nature all day, can end up making them particularly cynical.

In the US, almost 50% of first marriages end up as divorces. In Denmark, Russia, the UK, New Zealand and Australia the numbers are almost just as bad. For second marriages it is even worse. Nearly two-thirds end up in divorce. For those of you who do not give up easily and take on a third marriage a full three-quarters of those end in failure.

Did people just forget about the vows they took at their marriage ceremony? Did they not think them all the way through? Do people no longer care about living up to the commitments they make? Or perhaps, is it just that most do not really know what it is going to take to follow through on the commitment they made, while completely expecting that it would just be easy. Whatever the reason is, people these days seem to find divorcing easier than just resolving their problems. Unfortunately, it is probably easier, but that does not mean it is what you need to do.

Today it seems that many people do not consider marriage to be important. This is clearly seen by the frequency in which couples choose to live together (sometimes even having children together), but never marry.

This is a complete breakdown of family being at the center of domestic life and is partially to blame for the lack of significance placed these days on marriage. Unfortunately lack of commitment does seem to be contagious. Having been through this myself and not wanting myself or those I care about go through it I now spend time writing about tips to solve marital problems.

It seems that at the same time, may have lessened the importance in their lives of religious faith. Almost all Western religions place marriage in a highly regarded role, so the lack of religion in people’s lives may contribute the seeming lack of importance they place on marriage.

The divorce rate for those couples with children is nearly 40% lower than those without. While this is a good thing, because children do need strong involvement form both parents, it does not mean that those “saved” marriages have all issues resolved. In fact, many of those still have the problems, but “for the children” stay together. This can cause those difficulties to become magnified and take even more of the joy of family away if they do not find a way to resolve their issues.

Over 30% of American children come from homes with a divorce. This leaves many children to be raised in households without both parents.

I believe that the lack of respect shown today for marriage is a travesty. We need to find ways to doing everything possible to live up to the vows we made to our partners and our selves when we entered into the marriage! It’s not always that easy to do though. When watching TV these days the horror stories that we see on Jerry Springer, Montel, and Oprah make it frequently seem that while we may be better off than those on the TV, that the best thing to do is to cut bait at bail.

That is not true though. We simply need to learn to put as much time, energy and care as possible into our relationships. We need to learn that it’s not always about us, how to help our partners enjoy their lives as well. It is hard work to make a marriage work, but there are very few things in life as rewarding as a great marriage.

Do EVERYTHING possible to make sure your feeding your marriage properly!

I’ve been through a terrible divorce myself. I cause many of the problems in the relationship and ignored many of the ones I didn’t. When I started to see the same things happen in my current marriage I was determined to do what it would take to fix things. It wasn’t easy, and I had to go through a lot of information to find the things that could actually work. Now to make things easier on others I write about what to do with your troubled marriage.

On my site [http://www.HelpSaveMarriageFast.com] I post articles designed to help you:

-Determine if you Should Stay or Walk Away

-Deal with a Stubborn Partner

-Get Your “Silent” Partner to Open Up

-Resolve Conflict Effectively

-Rebuild Trust

-Deal with a Sexless Relationship

-Reigniting the Spark

-See the Warning Signs and How to Remedy Them

-Understand The Importance of Realistic Expectations

-Know When to Seek Professional Help

Divorce In The Philippines

Philippines is a predominantly Christian Culture. We are the largest Christian Culture of all of Asia, you can thank the Spaniards for that. Many of us are very religious and follow strict Catholic rules, whether we like it or not. We also follow very strict Catholic inspired laws, one of which is Divorce being illegal. Why you might ask? The reason that many Filipinos will give you is that marriage is sacred in the eyes of God and it‘s anti-Filipino to do such a thing. The only other option one might take to end a marriage is Annulment which is super expensive and only celebrities can afford to go through such a thing.

“Pro-Lifers” they like to call themselves are those who are against divorce and claim that it’s anti-life. They also claim that it isn’t all about religion and it’s just in the Filipino character to keep the family together. Well it’s Culture and of your own beliefs powered by religion that makes you think that way.

They show statistics that a family that stays together have happier and healthier children and I don’t doubt that for a second, I totally agree. But those are most likely statistics of happy families. Why would people Divorce if they are happy together?

I think that part is what most “Pro-Lifers” don’t understand. They expect all marriages to be happy and they see divorce as ruining the peace that once was there. They have no idea if the peace was ever there at all to begin with.

We also compare ourselves to the United States so much because we’re exposed to a lot of their media and we believe if Britney can do it in one day then so will we if we allow Divorce in our country. They look the 50% Divorce rate and they instantly think that it’s an easy process that people for piety reasons. What happen to the Filipino character that they talked about? They aren’t like us at all we as a culture have different values and have different ways of doing things. We can have legalized divorce here in the Philippines without being reduced to a nation composed of people who marry just because divorce is just around the corner in case it fails.

Have they looked at the statistics of other countries? If it’s as high as the United States is?

In Spain where the people who influence much of our culture, their divorce rate is 17% and in Italy where our beloved Pope lives their divorce rate is 12%. Why are we so sure that we are going to follow the path of the Americans? We should learn to love and look at our own culture for what it is.

Divorce doesn’t solve the problems of these people, but so is staying in a marriage you’ve tried hard to save but still failed. What’s more painful/unhealthy for the children: having parents who are perfectly fine with each other although they are not married anymore, or having parents who are always at each other’s throats for the simplest reasons?

Let people have a choice in what to do with our lives. Not everybody follows your own beliefs and attitudes. I know how to respect your faith, so why don’t you do the same with mine. That being said, I strongly believe that divorce should be legalized in the Philippines.

http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474976953010

Why Does Your Wife Want Divorce? Here's the Truth:

“My wife wants divorce, and I don’t…I still have no idea why. I have no idea how I can get my wife back…What should I do?”

If your wife has told you that she wants a divorce, but you still don’t really understand why or you’re totally lost as to what you can do about it, then this article was written for you.

As you continue reading, I’m going to walk you through several of the common reasons why your wife wants a divorce, and then once were done with that, I’m going to explain to you what you can do to change your wife’s mind.

In other words, I’m going to walk you through some of the most powerful tips and techniques that you can use to stop your divorce and get your wife to want to stay in the marriage.

I’m not talking about psychological games or Jedi mind tricks, just a good old fashioned understanding of relationships and women.

But enough talk, let’s get to the meat and potatoes, shall we? If your wife wants to divorce, then just keep on reading.

First Things First; Understanding Why My Wife Wants Divorce

There are a number of reasons that could explain why your wife wants divorce. Many women have different standards of what constitutes grounds for divorce.

What I’d like to do in this section is talk with you about a few of the most common thoughts that enter a forlorn wife’s head when she is unhappy in a marriage. Many times these little seeds of thought will turn into big poisonous weeds in her mind, and undermine your relationship and your marriage.

Reason #1. Boredom

Let’s face it, marriage gets boring.

It’s just a fact of life… Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong or that you’re doing something wrong, it’s just the way the world goes.

However, with sitcoms and reality TV and dare we say it – porn? – Our society has become very fast-paced and gratification based.

In other words, we want to feel good and we want to feel good all the time.

Furthermore, if we don’t feel good and we don’t feel good all the time, then we feel like there’s something wrong… We feel like were entitled to this constant gratuity and fast-paced, hyper exciting fantasy lifestyle.

Especially in new marriages and in a couple where one or the other spouse is going through a midlife crisis, sometimes the boredom can be a little bit overwhelming.

* In a new marriage, the newlywed wife suddenly realizes her mistake, and in a fit of ‘desperately taking action’ she decides to get a divorce.

* The mid-life crisis wife is suddenly reminiscing about her dreams and former aspirations, and wondering what life would’ve been like if she hadn’t married you.

Yeah I know it sounds mean, but that’s just the way it is. If she feels bored, then it’s much more likely for her to have these thoughts around this time in her life. I’m just telling you this so that you understand what your wife might be thinking.

Of course, no matter what chapter of life you’re in, boredom is always a possibility, so don’t feel like this problem is restricted only to certain age groups or even certain genders… Men/husbands certainly get bored just as often as women/wives.

Reason #2. A Negative Outside Influence

If your wife’s mother or sister isn’t too fond of you, then over time that negative pressure can become overwhelming and burdensome.

When faced with even the slightest marriage problems, a negative outside influence can have a magnified power over your wife.

So, if you’ve been having recent problems in your marriage and you know that one of your wife’s close friends or relatives doesn’t really care for you, then that could explain why.

“So you’re telling me that my wife filed for divorce because of one of her friends?”

Again, chances are that something is going on in her head that you’re not aware of. If your wife is being impatient and acting emotionally then this isn’t necessarily the way she always feels (although I’m not making any promises).

Reason #3. You Have Failed to Keep Your Word

Have you promised your wife that you would be more present at home?

Maybe you’ve promised that you would break that porn habit that you’ve had for so long?

Maybe you promised to take her on date nights or give her more time away from the house or be better with the kids or even to start doing basic household chores?

The fact of the matter is that you made a commitment and promised something to your wife and you didn’t follow through.

And then you probably did it again, and again, and then again.

If this doesn’t describe you at all, then feel free to skip this point, but I think most of us can empathize with this image… A lazy husband who has become – let’s admit it – a little bit bored in the marriage; he just isn’t putting as much energy into the marriage anymore, and it shows.

Sound familiar? If it doesn’t, then obviously ignore this tip!

But if you’ve been flaky with your commitments and your husbandly duties, then it could be that your wife has just had enough.

Again, women can be emotional sometimes. If you let this kind of stuff build up too long it will definitely become a problem.

Reason #4. Infidelity

This one probably doesn’t need too much explaining – If you cheated on your wife, then that explains why she wants a divorce.

If your wife is cheating on you, then unfortunately, that also probably explains why she wants a divorce.

Either way, it’s still possible to save your marriage (as I will discuss further down in the article) but you need to make sure that you really want to.

* If you’re the cheater, then you need to make a firm unyielding commitment to never betray your wife in that way again.

* If you’re the cheated on, then you need to consider the saying “once a cheater always a cheater” and make sure that you really want to stay with a woman who’s willing to leave for another man.

Cheating is borderline mental cruelty, so whichever side of the fence you’re on, keep that in mind.

Reason #5. She Has Fallen Out of Love with You…

Or she thinks you have fallen out of love with her.

Either way, it doesn’t really matter, in her mind they could both become grounds for her to want to file for divorce.

* Have you and your wife been having problems for a while?

* Could it be that your wife is frustrated because she feels like you haven’t seen any progress with your marriage for so long?

* How long have you and your wife been having problems for?

* Have you tried marriage counseling?

* Did it do any good at all, or did things eventually turn right back to the way they were before counseling?

It may be that your wife is finally frustrated enough with the lack of progress to give up and ask for divorce.

How long do you think your wife could have conceivably been thinking about divorce? Do you think that it is a recent decision, or one that she’s been stewing on for a long time?

Months?

Years?

But really, all of these reasons come down to one easy-to-understand major reason that lies behind all decisions to get divorced…

Are you ready?

Do you want to know what it is…the answer to “why my wife wants divorce”?

Here it goes…

In the End, Your Wife Wants Divorce Because She Thinks it Will Make Her Happier Than Marriage

Your wife has decided that divorce would bring her more net-happiness than continuing to stay in the marriage with you (even if you don’t want a divorce).

She honestly feels like happiness is either too difficult or too far away from the way things stand right now, and that getting a divorce would allow her to freely pursue their own happiness to a greater height than she can right now.

In other words, she has finally decided to pursue her own happiness individually instead of as a couple.

So, the real question is what can you do about your wife’s desire to divorce? What is the secret to getting your wife back?

Well, honestly that something that you will have to figure to some degree on your own. I wish I could be there to hold your hand through this process, but I can’t. What I can do, however, is give you this free report:

Free Download: Essential Traits of a Good Husband

I hope that helps. Whatever you do, thanks for reading!

With much manly love,

– Jacob

Reasons for High Divorce Rates in the UK

Divorce rates, in The United Kingdom, have been worryingly high since the 1960s. High divorce rates are worrying because marriage stabilizes society by providing stable backgrounds and conditions for the raising of families. There are, periodically, hysterical headlines in the press that the UK’s divorce rate is the highest in the world, yet they use figures that are out of date. According to the Office of National Statistics, divorce rates in the United Kingdom are falling, and are now at their lowest rate since 1977. There was a peak in 1994 and an inexplicable peak in 2004, in the years since 2004, divorce rates have decreased sharply, and since 1994 the rates apart from 2004, have been declining.

Why is this happening? Surprisingly, some people think that the UK’s divorce rate may be connected to its crazy spiraling housing market. Apparently, when house prices rise strongly, so does the divorce rate and, when the housing market falls the divorce rate also falls. Some commentators believe that couples separate, whilst living in the same house during lows in the property market and divorce when the market is high. However, that is a simplistic argument. Although home ownership is high in the UK, 40% of people do not own their own home, to say that house prices determine the divorce rate is wrong. However, could it be that when house prices fall, it is a sign that UK economic conditions are difficult and that bad economic conditions put strain on marriages.

Some commentators have blamed women’s liberation for the high UK divorce rate because it means that women were more likely to leave an unsatisfactory marriage. Whilst that is to some extent true, it only means that women now have the economic freedom that men always had. It is true to say that more women, than men, now file for divorce petitions but that may be for reasons other than women’s equality.

Some commentators point the UK’s allegedly liberal divorce laws give permission to couples to divorce. This may be a small factor in the divorce figures, but divorce is always a tragedy for those involved and it is not an easy or pain free process, as any divorced person will tell you. Some people couple the liberalizing of the divorce law with the lessening of social stigma on divorced persons, but that, too, is an illusion. Divorced people in the UK still carry a social stigma, it is just much more subtle than it used to be. Ask any British mother, whether she would be happy for her child, especially a son, to marry a divorced person.

The UK’s divorce rate is still higher than other countries in the European Union, the UK came joint top with Finland in the Euro stat report for divorce rates in the EU. Some of the EU’s countries are Catholic nations, and the Catholic Church does not approve of divorce, but this still does not explain why Britain tops the divorce rate poll in the EU. There are countries within the EU that predominantly follow the protestant religion and have low divorce rates and the French predominantly follow the Catholic religion and yet France’s divorce rate, although not quite as high as Britain’s, is high for the EU. Perhaps the difference is that people, on the Continent, value family life, and ties, very much more than the British do.

The one thing that happened in Britain and, not elsewhere in the EU, was the rise of individualism, mixed with messages from Margaret Thatcher, she said “there is no such thing as society, only individuals” the British read this as a permission to be selfish. At the same time, consumer credit became much looser and British society became the “I want it, now!” generation, we did not have to save any more for a desired item, we could buy it on credit. Technology advanced rapidly, and when an updated model superseded electrical gadgets or mobile telephones, people did not wait for old models to wear out; they bought the newer model directly it came out and threw the old one away. The British applied all this thinking to marriage as in “if it does not work as you want it to, throw it out and get another”.

In addition, the British tax system, unlike everywhere else in the EU, does not recognize marriage. The married couples’ tax allowance was removed; in 2000, this previously gave married couples a little extra tax allowance. After 2000, this meant that couples were treated as individuals for tax purposes and each given the same allowance as a single person. In the French system, married couples are a joint unit and share a tax allowance. The benefits system also favours lone parents over married parents. A married couple, where one partner stays at home to care for children, pays more tax, a couple where both parents work. The British tax and benefits system effectively penalizes marriage. If the government does not value marriage, why should the people?

Many couples do not bother to marry in the first place in Britain. They just co-habit, even when they have children. There is a misconception, in the United Kingdom, that the term “Common-Law wife” means that the law protects people, especially women, in a co-habiting relationship. People see high profile legal cases brought by celebrities and think that the law automatically gives them protection, should a co-habiting relationship break up. There is little or no legal protection. The term is just a polite way to describe a couple, who live together, and has no basis in law, it never has had in England and Wales, and ceased having any slight relevance in Scottish Law an extremely long time ago.

‘Relate’ formerly The Marriage Guidance Council, says that Britain’s long hours culture mean that couples have little time to build a good relationship with their spouse. When both partners in a marriage work in jobs where their employer expects them to work long hours, it could be that people are just too tired to work at a marriage.

The UK’s divorce rate may be falling because very young marriages are much rarer these days than they were in the 1970’s.

The reasons for Britain’s high divorce rate are complex and inter-related. Divorce rates have been falling, apart from the blip in 2004, since 1994, they are still high but are now at their lowest rate since 1977. No one magic bullet will lower divorce rates, in the United Kingdom, however, the British tax and benefits system should recognize marriage as other countries do. Dispelling the myth that long hours at work mean greater efficiency would help. Society needs to realize that marriage is not a consumable electronic gadget and that divorce is not a pain-free, get out clause. People need to remember that marriage is not a fashion accessory that one can throw away when one is tired of it, but a relationship, that both people need to work at, every day. Too many people think about the fun and excitement of the wedding day, and give very little thought to the marriage. Many think that making the divorce laws more difficult might bring the divorce rate down, but it might be better to begin at the other end and institute pre-marriage counselling for all couples. Many churches already do this and it helps couples to talk through their expectations of marriage, some people’s expectations are very unrealistic.

Bringing the United Kingdom’s divorce rates down is not a simple matter and requires a multi-faceted approach with diverse actions. Britain has the high divorce rates and the unhappiest children in Europe, could it be that the two are part of the same problem?

 

http://www.helium.com/items/2115621-reasons-for-high-divorce-rates-in-the-uk

Getting the Heck Out of Dodge

Before I found out my son Lucas had Autism I was watching an episode of Parenthood on NBC. The episode focused on how prevalent divorce rates are and how much they increase when a special needs child is involved. Some quick research on the internet flashes numbers at you like your chance for divorce rate goes from 50% chance to 80-90% chance.

In 2010 there was a study done in the United States at the Center for Autism and Related Disorders (CARD) at the Kennedy Krieger Institute “debunking” these statistics. The study shows a more equal divorce rate among families with special needs children and without.

Regardless, keeping a family together is difficult. So what is the solution?

Finding Time to Keep the Marital Fire Burning

No matter what you call it, Date Night, Respite Care or Getting the Heck Out of Dodge, my advice is that of the Nike Slogan Just Do It!

My husband Jordan and I constantly struggle with asking for help from people for a night out for the two of us. In fact over the past few years most of our dates have been with other people. Mine is typically with my girlfriends going to cooking club or book club while Jordan’s typical night out used to be playing World of War Craft in our living room once a week on his computer with his friends.

While this is a great mental break it does nothing to re-energize the marital batteries. So, recently when my parents offered to have our family over for dinner I decided to take a chance and ask if they would take the boys for dinner while Jordan and I did something else. I hate asking because during the week I need so many “favors.” I request help going to doctors appointments when the kids are sick, deliveries of groceries from Trader Joes or Costco because I just don’t have the time, or someone to watch one child while I take the other to some random appointment of the day.

Continued on the next page  

I am a Mom of twin boys born in 2008, Lucas and Riley. Lucas was recently diagnosed with autism. Prior to being a full time Mom I worked for non-profits as a fundraiser, development officer and director of marketing for a few national organizations on a local level. …

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Divorce rates increase in GCC countries.

Summary: JEDDAH: Traditions, a change in lifestyle and an emphasis on material life along with varying levels of liberalism and conservatism are all contributing factors to the rise in the number of divorces in Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states. According to 2008 figures, the divorce rate in the Kingdom was 20 percent.

By FATIMA SIDIYA | ARAB NEWS

A recent study of divorce rates in Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) countries shows that divorces have risen and are continuing to increase.

Recent statistics show that the total divorce rate as a percentage of all marriages in Gulf countries has also reached 24 percent in Bahrain as of 2007, 25.6 percent in the UAE (2008), 34.8 percent in Qatar (2009) and 37.1 percent in Kuwait (2007).

The study, however, did not include Oman because of a lack of new statistics and cooperation, said Mona Al-Munajjed, who conducted the study.

The study, entitled “Divorce in Gulf Cooperation Council Countries: Risks and Implications,” stated that divorce rates are almost equal to marriage rates among those aged 20 to 29, suggesting that young couples are more likely to divorce in the initial years of marriage.

Al-Munajjed, a sociologist and senior adviser at Booz & Company, a management consulting firm, said they relied on official national and international divorce statistics as well as interviews with experts in the region and divorced women.

Although confirming that GCC countries share the same traditions, she said they now vary in terms of liberalism and conservatism, which affects the relationship between men and women and thus affects how couples meet or divorce.

“Unfortunately there is a lack of statistics, not only when it comes to divorce but also with regard to women’s work and education,” she added.

In this context she called on establishing a statistics database for GCC countries to help researchers distinguish between divorce rates among different social groups, including young girls, educated women and other groups.

The study emphasized the need to understand why the rate of divorce is increasing in GCC countries to help policymakers identify new patterns that may affect the future social development of GCC countries and find ways to curb the increasing number of marriages breaking down.

The study claimed that divorces have a damaging impact on children’s emotional and mental development and even their health. Women suffer physical and psychological abuse at the hands of ex-husbands who refuse to pay alimony or allow them custody of their children.

Others may face social and economic discrimination. Many others suffer from the social stigma of being a single mother.

The study also clarified that changes in lifestyle and consumer behavior drove some couples into falling in dept, which can also result in divorce.

The Gulf’s patriarchal societies are also contributing to the rise in divorce as social roles evolve.

“Young people are still not able to choose their partners freely and the family, especially the father, remains the authority in determining the marital choice of sons, and even more so of daughters.”

A lack of communications skills is another challenge that new couples face because of “strictly gender-segregated (societies).”

The study also suggested that as women in the GCC countries enjoy greater social, financial and psychological independence, they might also have higher expectations of what they want in marriage. This in turn might lead to divorce if the woman is not satisfied with her married life.

In Kuwait, official data from 2007 shows that whereas 46 percent of divorces occur between couples that both work, this percentage increases to 54 percent when the husband works and the wife is jobless.

In Saudi Arabia, research shows that most men prefer a wife who works, especially if she holds a secure job as a teacher or in the government.

The study also highlighted that women in the GCC countries are still subject to discrimination due to the lack of legal enforcement mechanisms for ensuring the implementation of their legal rights.

The study recommended that more should be done, not just by governments, but also by other members of society.

The research stressed the need for a better understanding of the issue.

Governments should increase research into divorce rates, and the establishment of statistical databases on different social groups, as well as surveys of judges, divorced men and women, schoolteachers, mental health professionals, and social workers.

Other possible tools include courses on family relationships and social bonds, and government and non-governmental organization (NGOs) awareness campaigns.

The study also called for the establishment of advisory centers for couples to seek counseling before and after marriage and divorce.

These centers would encourage family dialogue and organize pre-marriage training sessions for couples to make them aware of women’s legal rights and the mutual requirements and responsibilities of married life.

When divorce has already occurred or cannot be prevented, other steps are needed to make sure that families do not suffer. One solution may be to strengthen legal protection for women and children.

Policymakers could also improve women’s access to legal assistance by encouraging women to join the legal profession and by appointing female lawyers to judicial positions, the study said.

Copyright: Arab News 2009 All rights reserved.

Provided by Syndigate.info an Albawaba.com company

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Divorce rates increase in GCC countries.-a0241487735

Part I – Divorce and Children, Change in Cultural Attitudes

This article is the first in a five part series of articles that looks at divorce and the children involved in the divorce. This article examines the change in cultural attitude toward divorce.

Child development patterns have been studied and developmental theories, while helpful in counseling, must be viewed within the within the changing circumstances of society from the period of study to today. For example, Freud first published his theories in the early 1900’s when divorce was not viewed as a social acceptable option and the number of children dealing with blended families was relatively small.

The acceptability of divorce has changed dramatically over the last 30 years. Alper, who was married in the early sixties, observed “I can honestly say in the home of my parents, I did not ever recall hearing the word ‘divorce’ uttered and do not remember a single instance of any member of my extended family, or friends of my family, ever having been divorced” (Alper, 2005). Nair notes that nearly half of all babies born today will spend some time in a one-parent family (Nair & Murray, 2005). Each year more than 1 million children experience the divorce of their parents (Cohen, 2002). In 2003, less than 60% of children in the United States were living with both biologic parents, almost 25% were living with their mother only, approximately 4% were living with their father only, the rest were living with stepfamilies, adoptive families, or foster families (U.S. Census Bureau, 2003).

Divorce has become a common and acceptable outcome of couples, which have found themselves in an unfulfilling marriage. The divorce rate in the United States has reached a 50% rate; this represents the fact that half of the marriages in the Unite States end in divorce (U.S. Census Bureau, 2003). This fact adds new challenges when looking at child development in relation to models developed during an era when the two-parent household was the norm rather than the exception.

Traditionally, divorce has been considered a social taboo, and if someone desired a divorce they had to prove to the court that the marriage contained either physical or emotional abuse, adultery, or abandonment. The Old Testament provided that to be divorced a man must provide his wife a certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24 1-4 NIV). At the time of Jesus the ability and acceptability of divorce was an issue. The Pharisees asked Jesus about the lawfulness of divorce and the reasons allowing for divorce. Jesus’ reply indicates that is was not part of God’s plan to allow for divorce but was allowed in the Law of Moses because of man’s hardness of heart (Matthew 19: 3-11NIV). In the 1960’s public opinion began to favor more relaxed divorce laws and in 1969 California became the first state to pass a no-fault divorce law. Between 1960 and 1980 the divorce rate grew almost 250 percent. The reason for the increased divorce rate range from a combination of the lenient divorce laws, more women being able to support themselves by entering the workforce, and the slow change of the public divorce opinion (Furstenbert & Cherlin, 1991).

Society’s attitude regarding divorce has changed over the last 50 years. This can be seen in contemporary TV programs. Families in the 50’s were represented by shows such as Ozzie and Harriet; Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best. These programs presented a view of families, which consisted of a middle class two parent, mother stays at home and the father is the sole financial provider family. Today’s programs today range from Murphy Brown in the 90’s, a single working woman who had a child out of wedlock to Reba a divorced mother dealing with child visitation and step family member issues.

Also the change in social attitude toward divorce can be in the changes in a survey results of a group of women. In 1962, a group of women were asked if married couples with children should stay together even if they didn’t get along and half said they should. The views altered when the same groups of women were asked the same question in 1985. Less than one in five of the women felt that couples should remain together for the sake of the children (Furstenbert & Cherlin, 1991). The reason for the change may be many but is definitely supported by the increased divorce rate and the ease of obtaining a divorce. No longer must one prove to the court that a divorce is necessary (Amato, 2001).

A new term is being used in the literature to describe today’s family unit; binuclear family as opposed to the nuclear family. A binuclear family is any family that spans two households. This language is replacing the term broken home (Karpf & Shatz, 2005). Karpf and Shatz suggested using this term rather than broken family to present a “more positive view” of the divorced family. The major difference between the nuclear family and the binuclear family is the potential complexity of extended family relationships; children dealing with step-parents, step- siblings, being shuttled between two homes, holidays being split between two family traditions.

The divorce rate stands at 50% of all marriages, effecting more than 1 million children in the United States each year. This paper looked at the cultural changes in the attitude toward marriage. The following articles in this series will look at the general effect of divorce, custodial arrangements and remarriage on the children involved in the divorce process and finally looks at the effect of counseling children of divorce.

References

Alper, G. (2005). Voices from the unconscious. Journal of Loss & Trauma, 10(1), 73-81.

Amato, P. (2001). Children of divorce in the 1990s. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(3), 355-370.

Cohen, G. (2002, November). Helping children and families deal with divorce and separation. Pediatrics, 110(6), 1019-1023.

Furstenbert, F., & Cherlin, A. (1991). Divided Families. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/part-i-divorce-and-children-change-in-cultural-attitudes