Helping those in need with your divorce issues today

Archives for divorce laws

Part I – Divorce and Children, Change in Cultural Attitudes

This article is the first in a five part series of articles that looks at divorce and the children involved in the divorce. This article examines the change in cultural attitude toward divorce.

Child development patterns have been studied and developmental theories, while helpful in counseling, must be viewed within the within the changing circumstances of society from the period of study to today. For example, Freud first published his theories in the early 1900’s when divorce was not viewed as a social acceptable option and the number of children dealing with blended families was relatively small.

The acceptability of divorce has changed dramatically over the last 30 years. Alper, who was married in the early sixties, observed “I can honestly say in the home of my parents, I did not ever recall hearing the word ‘divorce’ uttered and do not remember a single instance of any member of my extended family, or friends of my family, ever having been divorced” (Alper, 2005). Nair notes that nearly half of all babies born today will spend some time in a one-parent family (Nair & Murray, 2005). Each year more than 1 million children experience the divorce of their parents (Cohen, 2002). In 2003, less than 60% of children in the United States were living with both biologic parents, almost 25% were living with their mother only, approximately 4% were living with their father only, the rest were living with stepfamilies, adoptive families, or foster families (U.S. Census Bureau, 2003).

Divorce has become a common and acceptable outcome of couples, which have found themselves in an unfulfilling marriage. The divorce rate in the United States has reached a 50% rate; this represents the fact that half of the marriages in the Unite States end in divorce (U.S. Census Bureau, 2003). This fact adds new challenges when looking at child development in relation to models developed during an era when the two-parent household was the norm rather than the exception.

Traditionally, divorce has been considered a social taboo, and if someone desired a divorce they had to prove to the court that the marriage contained either physical or emotional abuse, adultery, or abandonment. The Old Testament provided that to be divorced a man must provide his wife a certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24 1-4 NIV). At the time of Jesus the ability and acceptability of divorce was an issue. The Pharisees asked Jesus about the lawfulness of divorce and the reasons allowing for divorce. Jesus’ reply indicates that is was not part of God’s plan to allow for divorce but was allowed in the Law of Moses because of man’s hardness of heart (Matthew 19: 3-11NIV). In the 1960’s public opinion began to favor more relaxed divorce laws and in 1969 California became the first state to pass a no-fault divorce law. Between 1960 and 1980 the divorce rate grew almost 250 percent. The reason for the increased divorce rate range from a combination of the lenient divorce laws, more women being able to support themselves by entering the workforce, and the slow change of the public divorce opinion (Furstenbert & Cherlin, 1991).

Society’s attitude regarding divorce has changed over the last 50 years. This can be seen in contemporary TV programs. Families in the 50’s were represented by shows such as Ozzie and Harriet; Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best. These programs presented a view of families, which consisted of a middle class two parent, mother stays at home and the father is the sole financial provider family. Today’s programs today range from Murphy Brown in the 90’s, a single working woman who had a child out of wedlock to Reba a divorced mother dealing with child visitation and step family member issues.

Also the change in social attitude toward divorce can be in the changes in a survey results of a group of women. In 1962, a group of women were asked if married couples with children should stay together even if they didn’t get along and half said they should. The views altered when the same groups of women were asked the same question in 1985. Less than one in five of the women felt that couples should remain together for the sake of the children (Furstenbert & Cherlin, 1991). The reason for the change may be many but is definitely supported by the increased divorce rate and the ease of obtaining a divorce. No longer must one prove to the court that a divorce is necessary (Amato, 2001).

A new term is being used in the literature to describe today’s family unit; binuclear family as opposed to the nuclear family. A binuclear family is any family that spans two households. This language is replacing the term broken home (Karpf & Shatz, 2005). Karpf and Shatz suggested using this term rather than broken family to present a “more positive view” of the divorced family. The major difference between the nuclear family and the binuclear family is the potential complexity of extended family relationships; children dealing with step-parents, step- siblings, being shuttled between two homes, holidays being split between two family traditions.

The divorce rate stands at 50% of all marriages, effecting more than 1 million children in the United States each year. This paper looked at the cultural changes in the attitude toward marriage. The following articles in this series will look at the general effect of divorce, custodial arrangements and remarriage on the children involved in the divorce process and finally looks at the effect of counseling children of divorce.

References

Alper, G. (2005). Voices from the unconscious. Journal of Loss & Trauma, 10(1), 73-81.

Amato, P. (2001). Children of divorce in the 1990s. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(3), 355-370.

Cohen, G. (2002, November). Helping children and families deal with divorce and separation. Pediatrics, 110(6), 1019-1023.

Furstenbert, F., & Cherlin, A. (1991). Divided Families. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/part-i-divorce-and-children-change-in-cultural-attitudes

California State Divorce – How to Start Yours

California state divorce laws are not that difficult to understand if you have good information. With the right advice, instructions, and explanations, you can get your own divorce started without hiring an attorney, and save a lot of money on legal fees.

This article will provide an overview of California state divorce laws in the context of how you can start your own divorce. You will learn what California law says about the roles of the Petitioner and the Respondent and implications of each role in the divorce.

The Petitioner and the Respondent. According to California Family Law Code Section 2330, every California state divorce starts with a Petition. The legal term for divorce in the code is “dissolution of marriage“.

The Petitioner is the person who first files papers and gets the case started. The Respondent is the other party. A Response need not be filed, but it is a good idea, otherwise the inactive person has little say about when or how the divorce is completed, unless there is already a written agreement.

In order to become officially involved in the divorce, the Respondent will need to fill out and file California Family Law Form FL-120 (the Response). In general, the more both parties participate, the better. After a Response is filed, the divorce can be completed only by written agreement or court trial. Agreement is better.

Equality. Once a Response is filed, the Respondent has equal standing and there is no legal difference between the parties or their rights, and either party can take any available legal step.

The Petition. If you’re the one who will start your divorce, you will be the Petitioner, and you will need to fill out California Family Law Forms FL-100 (the Petition) and FL-110 (the Summons) and file them with the Clerk at the appropriate courthouse. According to California state divorce law you will then need to serve your divorce papers on your spouse, as described in Family Law Code Section 2331.

The only thing you need to know before you do this is that you want a divorce. The issues can all be sorted out and resolved later. However, it would be smart to learn the basics about California state divorce law before you start.

Advantages to serving the Petition:

-Starts the clock ticking on waiting periods. California state divorce law states that the Respondent has 30 days to respond.

-Causes automatic restraining orders to take effect, as per the instructions on the back of Family Law Form FL-110 (the Summons).

-Helps establish the date of separation. According to California state divorce law, the date of separation is whenever you can prove that one spouse intended to make a complete, final break (not just a temporary separation), with simultaneous conduct furthering that intent.

-Has psychological value for Petitioner and tells Respondent a divorce is really going to happen.

Possible downside. Serving divorce papers can upset your spouse and stir up conflict if you don’t properly prepare him or her ahead of time.

Getting a smooth start. Unless your soon-to-be Ex is an abuser/controller, you will probably want to start things off as nicely as possible. An abrupt start will probably increase conflict as an upset spouse is more likely to run to an attorney who will probably make your case more complicated.

So take some time to prepare your soon-to-be Ex and let him or her get used to the idea that a divorce is about to start. If you aren’t comfortable discussing things in person, write a nice letter. Let your spouse know you are committed to working out a settlement that you can both agree to and live with. Unless you’re under time pressure, don’t serve your Summons and Petition until your partner seems ready to receive the papers calmly.

The Response. Filing a Response is not an aggressive act. In fact, it is usually a good idea for the Respondent to take part in the action, especially if you have kids or property or debts to be divided. It is easy to do.

The only disadvantages are a Respondent’s filing fee of about $320 for a California divorce, and the possibility that you might have to file a questionnaire about your case in order to avoid a case conference hearing.

There are numerous advantages to filing a Response. If there’s no Response, Respondent has little control over when and how the divorce is completed, so the Respondent feels insecure. By filing, Respondent joins the case on an equal standing with Petitioner, so Respondent feels more a part of the process, more in the loop, more confident. Experience and studies show that the more Respondent participates, and understands the California state divorce process, the better the outcome is likely to be.

To learn more about California divorce go to California State Divorce and sign up for the free guide.

Ed Sherman is the author of How to Do Your Own Divorce in California and the divorce expert attorney famous for founding Nolo Press and the self-help law movement. Since 1971, his books and software have saved divorcing couples BILLIONS of dollars in legal fees. He owns www.CaliforniaDivorceForms.org, where he provides comprehensive advice and tips on how to get the best possible California divorce.

Divorce in Islam

Marriage is a union of souls in the deepest sense. Allah joins these two souls together so that they may enjoy tranquility and stability in a marital home filled with sincere love and compassionate mercy. In Islam, the righteous woman is viewed as one of the joys of this life and a great blessing to a man for he comes home to her and relaxes after facing the struggles of life and finds with her incomparable peace, comfort and pleasure. The world is just a temporary conveniences and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman. Islam regards marriage very highly and views femininity as something to be valued and cherished.

Islam also makes provisions for divorce. Just as with Judaism, specific attitudes and practices can vary substantially from tradition to tradition. At various times in Islamic history and in various Muslim societies, divorce rates have varied. In many Islamic societies, marriage has been taken as a violable legal contract. In the flourishing medieval Islamic world, marriage was closer to the modern industrialized world in frequency.

Even though marriage is based on mutual consent, but it is not always true that this consent prevails amongst them forever and for this reason the mutuality of the commitment starts quivering and relationships do fall apart, and that is where divorce comes in. In Islam divorce is completely demoralised. However, the Islamic law provides provisions for the termination of the marriage contract if the marriage commitment fails to work. The termination of the marriage contract can be initiated by any party that has decided that the other party cannot or will not satisfactorily fulfill the commitment in the marriage contract to provide enough physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual happiness for a state of tranquility. Islam encourages both the husband and wife to appoint such persons as to help with reconciliation (known as the “Qadhi” or “Qazi”), but if these attempts also fail, then the procedures for each are established in the Holy Qur’an.

If a man initiates the divorce process, it is termed as the “Talaq.” This type of divorce by the man’s hand can either be spoken or written three times. But after the repetition of “Talaq” three times, there is a waiting period of three months known as the “Iddat”. No type of sexual relationship can take place even if both individuals are still living under the same housing. This waiting period was developed to prevent any hasty decisions that were made with anger and to determine whether or not the wife has been impregnated before that Talaq took place. If the divorce proceeds onward, then the husband must pay in full whatever dowry or “Mahr” or “Sadaq”, a contractual gift from the husband to his wife that was promised to the wife in the marriage contract.

The controversy with divorce lies in the idea that men seem to have absolute power in divorce. But, it is clear in the Holy Qur’an because the Holy Qur’an states there is a “degree” of difference with regards to the rights of men and women in divorce, but it is not clear “how much” and “what” privileges a man is entitled to. This is what the jurists have interpreted. This point should also be taken in consideration that if the dissimilarity exists in part to the man who is financial supporter, then it must not be neglected that if the woman contributes or has a major financial input to the well being of the family that, likewise a man, this privilege should also apply to her. Today many of the divorce laws are the interpretations made by scholars that have relatively few references from the Holy Qur’an. As the circumstances are changing and so are human laws, likewise divorce laws have a tendency to adapt to dynamic circumstances.

On the basis of this view of marriage and of women, the Muslim is not attracted by the empty headed attitude displayed by some girls nowadays. Rather, he is attracted by a sound Muslim personality and he takes his time in choosing a partner for life. Looking for a partner who has the right Islamic characteristics which will make for a stable and happy married life. Therefore he is not interested in the superficial physical beauty, grace and elegance that are the sole concern of empty headed youngsters. While he does not ignore physical looks, he also looks for strong religious belief and practice, intelligence and good behaviour.

Rana Ardhita is a regular Indonesian mother who runs Islam fashion shop in wisanggeni.com which tries to mix the traditional Indonesian art heritage and Islam culture

Cultural View On Divorce

This article is the first in a five part series of articles that looks at divorce and the children involved in the divorce. This article examines the change in cultural attitude toward divorce.

Child development patterns have been studied and developmental theories, while helpful in counseling, must be viewed within the within the changing circumstances of society from the period of study to today. For example, Freud first published his theories in the early 1900’s when divorce was not viewed as a social acceptable option and the number of children dealing with blended families was relatively small.

The acceptability of divorce has changed dramatically over the last 30 years. Alper, who was married in the early sixties, observed “I can honestly say in the home of my parents, I did not ever recall hearing the word ‘divorce’ uttered and do not remember a single instance of any member of my extended family, or friends of my family, ever having been divorced” (Alper, 2005). Nair notes that nearly half of all babies born today will spend some time in a one-parent family (Nair & Murray, 2005). Each year more than 1 million children experience the divorce of their parents (Cohen, 2002). In 2003, less than 60% of children in the United States were living with both biologic parents, almost 25% were living with their mother only, approximately 4% were living with their father only, the rest were living with stepfamilies, adoptive families, or foster families (U.S. Census Bureau, 2003).

Divorce has become a common and acceptable outcome of couples, which have found themselves in an unfulfilling marriage. The divorce rate in the United States has reached a 50% rate; this represents the fact that half of the marriages in the Unite States end in divorce (U.S. Census Bureau, 2003). This fact adds new challenges when looking at child development in relation to models developed during an era when the two-parent household was the norm rather than the exception.

Traditionally, divorce has been considered a social taboo, and if someone desired a divorce they had to prove to the court that the marriage contained either physical or emotional abuse, adultery, or abandonment. The Old Testament provided that to be divorced a man must provide his wife a certificate of divorce (Deuteronomy 24 1-4 NIV). At the time of Jesus the ability and acceptability of divorce was an issue. The Pharisees asked Jesus about the lawfulness of divorce and the reasons allowing for divorce. Jesus’ reply indicates that is was not part of God’s plan to allow for divorce but was allowed in the Law of Moses because of man’s hardness of heart (Matthew 19: 3-11NIV). In the 1960’s public opinion began to favor more relaxed divorce laws and in 1969 California became the first state to pass a no-fault divorce law. Between 1960 and 1980 the divorce rate grew almost 250 percent. The reason for the increased divorce rate range from a combination of the lenient divorce laws, more women being able to support themselves by entering the workforce, and the slow change of the public divorce opinion. (Furstenbert & Cherlin, 1991)

Society’s attitude regarding divorce has changed over the last 50 years. This can be seen in contemporary TV programs. Families in the 50’s were represented by shows such as Ozzie and Harriet; Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best. These programs presented a view of families, which consisted of a middle class two parent, mother stays at home and the father is the sole financial provider family. Today’s programs today range from Murphy Brown in the 90’s, a single working woman who had a child out of wedlock to Reba a divorced mother dealing with child visitation and step family member issues.

Also the change in social attitude toward divorce can be in the changes in a survey results of a group of women. In 1962, a group of women were asked if married couples with children should stay together even if they didn’t get along and half said they should. The views altered when the same groups of women were asked the same question in 1985. Less than one in five of the women felt that couples should remain together for the sake of the children (Furstenbert & Cherlin, 1991). The reason for the change may be many but is definitely supported by the increased divorce rate and the ease of obtaining a divorce. No longer must one prove to the court that a divorce is necessary (Amato, 2001).

A new term is being used in the literature to describe today’s family unit; binuclear family as opposed to the nuclear family. A binuclear family is any family that spans two households. This language is replacing the term broken home (Karpf & Shatz, 2005). Karpf and Shatz suggested using this term rather than broken family to present a “more positive view” of the divorced family. The major difference between the nuclear family and the binuclear family is the potential complexity of extended family relationships; children dealing with step-parents, step- siblings, being shuttled between two homes, holidays being split between two family traditions.

The divorce rate stands at 50% of all marriages, effecting more than 1 million children in the United States each year. This paper looked at the cultural changes in the attitude toward marriage. The following articles in this series will look at the general effect of divorce, custodial arrangements and remarriage on the children involved in the divorce process and finally looks at the effect of counseling children of divorce.

References

Alper, G. (2005). Voices from the unconscious. Journal of Loss & Trauma, 10(1), 73-81.

Amato, P. (2001). Children of divorce in the 1990s. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(3), 355-370.

Cohen, G. (2002, November). Helping children and families deal with divorce and separation. Pediatrics, 110(6), 1019-1023.

Furstenbert, F., & Cherlin, A. (1991). Divided Families. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Karpf, M., & Shatz, I. (2005). The divorce is over — what about the kids? American Journal of Family Law, 19(1), 7-11.

U.S. Census Bureau. (2003). In Statistical abstract of the United States. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/cgi-bin/saipe:

Written by Cheryl Gowin

www.Discoverycounseling.org

Cheryl Gowin is a counseling and life coach at Discovery Counseling. www.discoverycounseling.org www.discoverycounseling.org/sarasota.html www.discoverycounseling.org/satbeach.html