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Turning 40

If you’re under 40 years old, click the back button on your browser. Turn around and walk away. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT read this piece under any circumstances!

Okay, you’ve been warned. I just don’t want my 20-something, 30-something friends to get depressed. Especially those of you who may be 39 and three-quarters years old or something close to that.

You see, when I hit 40 I felt like a car with an expired warranty. Everything (and I do mean, EVERYTHING) started falling apart.

I should know about cars with expired warranties. My first and so far only new car ever was great. It lasted me many years. It came off the lot with new tires, as all new cars do.

The tires had their own warranty, separate of the car’s. The warranty was, ahem, “backed” by the tire manufacturer. I won’t tell you who made the car or the tires.

I will tell you the tires had a 50,000-mile warranty on them. And I swear to you, the minute those tires hit the 50,000-mile mark, they didn’t just go flat, the tread didn’t just wear out on them, nothing like that. Oh, no.

Love Is A Commitment – How To Make Your Relationship Last

Commitment in some circles is seen as this big bad evil ugly word. You’d think it had four letters if you didn’t struggle to count them. For some people commitment is something that’s more frightening than reading a Stephen King novel home alone in the middle of the night. These are the people who get that dear in the headlights look whenever the word drifts into casual conversation with anyone who could become more than a casual romantic interest. It’s just a hard word for them to even consider much less work into their own vocabulary.

Sadly enough, the time comes in every life and romance when this word needs to be discussed to some degree. At least, if you want your relationship to last it will. Love, in and of itself is a commitment. It’s a commitment you make to that other person, whether you realize it at the time, to share at least part of your life with them. It isn’t always permanent. You’re not signing on the dotted line in blood or anything. But that doesn’t make it any less profound. It also doesn’t mean that the impact of the other person on your life and in your heart will never leave scars on your heart either. But the rewards, for most people, are well worth the scars you bear when love goes wrong. It might take a little time to gather up the will and, yes, courage, to love again but when you do, be aware that the love you feel is a commitment by itself.

If you want to make the relationship last you’re going to have to take that commitment to the next level. This isn’t an optional step for you to take. It’s absolutely necessary. If you fail to do that you will likely find yourself looking for ways to get your ex back after you’ve lost the love of your life.

These are just a few of the things you can do that will make your relationship be one of the few that are built to last.

1) Talk to each other rather than at each other. You have to really listen to what your partner has to say and say what’s on your mind. When you start bottling things up they fester and become deep problems in the relationship. Talk about your commitment issues, wants, and needs honestly and openly and you’ll see an amazing difference in your relationship. On the flipside, you must be willing to hear what your partner has to say in return.

2) Be liberal with compliments and encouragement. No one wants to be surrounded by negativity. Find positive ways to view your relationship and the world around you. Become the eternal optimist and you’ll see the bright future ahead of you that you’ve envisioned. There is no better way you’ll find to make your relationship work than by being positive about the prospect.

3) Remember the little things that bring light to your partner’s eyes. You want to be the one who puts that light in your partner’s eyes day in and day out. Take note of the things that make your lover smile, laugh out loud, and even cry. In fact, make it a point to find new ways to bring a little light into your relationship each and every day.

4) Touch often. Casual touch and physical intimacy are important in relationships. Back rubs, cuddling, and just holding hands are as important for the longevity of your relationship as long nights of sheet twisting passion.

5) Remember that your relationship is a partnership and that there are two voices that need to be heard in all major decisions. There are times when decisions are very important to you or your partner. You always need to hear both sides and listen with an open mind before making a decision that could drive a wedge between you. If it’s really important you need to ask yourself just how important it is. Is it important enough to risk losing the person you love more than anyone else in the world over?

6) Find a better way to fight. Into every relationship a few fights will fall. Some will be minor tiffs because one of you just isn’t feeling well and at other times they will be heated wars that seem to wage on for days. Those are the fights you need to learn to manage soon and manage well. Fights are to be expected in marriage and relationships. Disagreements happen. Fighting to win though is when the problems arise. When you’re fighting to win you aren’t trying to solve anything. You’re only trying to hurt the person you love so you can win the fight. Nothing good can come of that. Learn to fight to get results to improve your relationship and to figure out where the problem really is instead of fighting to win.

These are small steps you can take that will have huge results when it comes deepening your commitment and strengthening your love. Do these things and you’ll never have to ask how to make your relationship last again.

What to Talk About Before Getting Married

Getting married will be one of the happiest, most exciting times in your life. You love your partner and feel like you know everything about them. But have you talked about some of the most important topics? Check this list and find out!

1. Finances

Money is cited as the number one reason for divorce. Before getting married, you need to discuss who will be in charge of the finances. Will you get a joint bank account? Will you also have separate accounts? Do both of you have previous debt? How will it be paid? Do you need to start saving for a house? Kids? Retirement? There are many aspects to finances that you will need to discuss before the big day.

2. Household chores

Women often say that they do all the housework and wish their husbands would contribute more. This problem can easily be solved if this is something you discuss in advance. Who will do the dishes? Clean the bathrooms? Should you share chores? Alternate weeks? Having a plan will keep your house in order and keep both parties happy.

3. Religion

Religion can be an important aspect in many people’s lives. It determines how you spend your Sundays, your holidays, and whether your children will be baptized or circumcised. Are you and your partner the same religion? If you are different religions, will you combine holiday traditions? How large of a role do you want it to play in your lives? How do you want your children to take part in your religion? Many family events are centered around religion so these are questions you should definitely discuss.

4. Cheating

Of course when you are getting married, the last thing you want to think about is your spouse cheating on you. But there is one very important question here- what do you consider cheating? It has been estimated that approximately half of all divorces are due to infidelity. Having a clear definition of cheating eliminates any gray area and each person will know where to draw the line.

5. Where you see yourself 5 and 10 years from now

You need to be sure that the life you both want can be accomplished with your being together. Where do you want to live? Do you want children, and how soon? Will you both work full time? Are you interested in going back to school? When do you want to retire and with how much money? Having your lives on the same track and sharing goals is one key to a long, happy future.

Communication in marriage is essential. If you cannot communicate with your spouse, many problems are sure to arise. It is best to plan ahead and be prepared for what is coming. If you are able to discuss things calmly and openly, you are on your way to a successful marriage!

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Non custodial parents- the aftermath

I am a non-custodial mother. I did not use drugs or drink alcohol everyday. I was a stay at home mom who raised her children while the father worked. The weapon he used against me while we were going through a divorce….because I took anti-depressants..therefore I was an unfit mother.  I was also battered but that didn’t matter….he made $60,000 a year and he did not want to pay child support so he made me out to be a monster…he had a way of twisting words around…We were married 13 years. I did not have the will to fight for my children in court. I let him WIN. I signed the papers.


3 years later, I see my children about once every couple months. They are teenagers now and my daughter has already showed signs of depression. Their father has since remarried and so have I. We do not speak to each other.


I miss my children everyday….from seeing them off to school, talking about their day to just sitting with them and cuddling. It’s been very hard because for the first 10 years of their life, I was with them 24/7.  I think about them all the time.  I dream about my children every night. I see their smiles before I go to sleep. I love them so very much.


Divorce is ugly and I don’t wish it on anyone….

3 Reasons Why Couples Break Up- Can You Prevent it From Happening?

Men and women are different in so many ways but it is undeniable that they need each other. Their physical and emotional desires make it possible for a romantic relationship to blossom. Unfortunately, not all couples have succeeded in keeping the relationship for good. Relationships are really complicated and there are a number of reasons why couples break up.

Here are the top 3 undeniable reasons why couples break up:

<b>Incompatibility.</b>  This is one of the reasons why couples break up. Couples realize after being together for sometime that they have different outlook, wants and desires in life. Instead of enjoying their differences and learn from each other’s uniqueness,  they cannot find a common ground to achieve each other’s needs and this incompatibility leads to separation. They failed to realize that it is not the degree of their differences that counts but how couples manage their differences or incompatibilities. There are issues of irreconcilable differences and they thought that the only way out is to take different paths and that is why couples break up eventually.

<b>Falling out of love.</b> This is another reason why couples break up. Couples have different reasons for falling out of love.  Some admits that they’ve lost interest and desire with the relationship because it is so predictable and boring. Parenthood, jobs and careers brings challenges into the relationship and the excitement of the relationship is replaced by responsibilities and routine activities. It is a slow death and they allowed romance and love to disappear in the middle of all those responsibilities and routines and just woke up one day that they do not love their spouse anymore. The sameness, the lack of excitement and the lack of time for each other are some of the reasons for falling out of love and why couples break up.

<b>Infidelity or getting attracted to someone else.</b> This is the most painful reason why couples break up. Finding someone else and falling in love to the point that your spouse wants to leave you. When couples are faced with infidelity problems, most of them failed to survive and restore their marital relationship and end up in separation and divorce. They cannot imagine living with someone who’s been unfaithful and a cheater that is why couples break up once infidelity becomes an issue. They overlooked the fact that infidelity does not always lead to separation and there are couples who tried to reconcile and succeeded. Of course there are lingering pains and resentment brought by the unfaithfulness and violation of your trust but there are couples who were able to overcome all these things and revived their marriage.

If your relationship or marriage falls into these 3 categories and you are in the verge of separation, can you prevent it from happening? The answer is a resounding Yes! Discover proven methods to getting your marriage back on track and put an end to your stress and worries of not knowing what to do to save your marriage visit Save My Marriage Today

To know more about love and relationships visit All About Relationships

The True Effects of Divorce

Divorce is known as the dissolution of marriage or the termination of a marital union. This also includes the cancellation of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage. In layman’s term, this is basically the separation of two people on several different levels.

Entering the process of divorce can be a stressful event in one’s family. Both parties undergo a series of changes that can be devastating to the both of them. Parties may be bitter, or they may feel rejected and cheated. A lot of new arrangements are set in the process of divorce. There is the so-called economic arrangement and the co-parental arrangement that can both add tension to the parties involved.

Many changes happen during divorce. Psychologically, the individuals involved would need to get use to not having the other person around. This is much more difficult in long term marriages since they are obliged to adapt to the fact that the person that they used to be with, on a daily basis, is now not present in their life anymore. Socially, due to being uncomfortable to some people, they may now give up some friends and in turn make new ones. Aside from the stated changes, there are also economical changes that divorced couples also take into consideration. They must split their properties and establish separate households. Husbands may even be required to pay child support, or wives, to some extent.

As stressful as it may seem, divorce is a common process that is undergone by a lot of couples right now. This brings a lot of anxiety and tension to both parties. So before giving yourself a hard time, always think twice.

Dennis Gac is widely known as “The World’s premier fathers rights Consultant!” But why would you care? Well, I’ll tell you if you rush over to his site… I think you’ll come to your own conclusion that he “IS” the real deal! Experience someone who works and thinks outside the box for you! Read what others have to say at….

Mike Tyson:"I once caught Brad Pitt in bed with my ex-wife"

Former heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson revealed he was “mad as hell” when he found his ex-wife in bed with Brad Pitt.

Back when Mike was divorcing his actress wife Robin Givens in the late 80s, the pair still used to sleep together from time to time. But one day, Mike found someone else in bed with his wife and we have to say this could have gotten pretty bad for Brad…

During an interview with Graham Bensinger, Mike said, “I was doing a divorce but every day, before I would go to my lawyer’s office to say, “She’s a pig and stealing,” I would go to her house to have sex with her.”

He added, “This particular day, someone beat me to the punch. And I guess Brad got there earlier than I did.

“I was mad as hell. You should have saw his face when he saw me.”

Tyson also confessed to being high on cocaine when filming The Hangover.

He admitted, “The cast had to know I was messed up. I couldn’t talk. They had my back, and I appreciate that.”

Well that’s a lot of information we didn’t know. Thank you for sharing Mike…

What do you think? Leave a comment below to be in with a chance of winning a £100 goodie bag




Tween/TeenLit: Split in Two: Keeping It Together When Your Parents Live Apart Helps Kids Adjust to Two Homes


My fondest wish when I was a kid was that my parents would divorce. Naively, I believed that I would live with my father.

The reality, back in the day, was that if my parents did divorce, my brothers and I would end up with our mother (who didn’t particularly enjoy motherhood). We all got out of the house in our late teens, and our parents stayed marry ‘til death did they part (they were in their 80s).

Author Karen Buscemi’s book, Split in Two: Keeping It Together When Your Parents Live Apart, deals with the realities of being the kid shared by two former mates.

In addition to having two “homes,” kids from split homes have to spend (waste) time traveling between parents, lose time with their friends, may have two different bedrooms but not what they need when they need it (“oh, shoot, I left it at the other house”), and experience chaotic schedules, often affected by things that no one could have foreseen or controlled.

Having voluntarily spent my time in two homes—one in Louisiana and one in Mississippi—up until five years ago, I can attest to that feeling of waking up and wondering where you are, which I still experience although I’m living in one place.

Being a tween or teen, undergoing the pressures of school and peers, and dealing with your own hormonal changes must increase that confusion tenfold (at least). Imagine what it must be like to feel your life has been reduced to moments between traveling back and forth, and it’s not something you caused or can control.

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Two words describe Bob Etier: “female” and “weird.” Like many freelance writers, there’s something about her that isn’t quite right. Read her stuff and find out what.

Bob Etier’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

Does Your Relationship Lack Intimacy?

Of all the reasons or causes for couples to divorce and go their separate ways, a lack of intimacy is one of the most common causes of the breakdown of a marriage. Some couples are able to salvage their marriage because they do genuinely care for each other, but other couples are not so lucky. A marriage takes a lot of work and devotion, two things that become more difficult as the marriage becomes older. Both people change as they live more life and career, for example, can often get in the way without either person involved in the marriage realizes the impact the focus on career is having on the marriage.

Why is intimacy so very important in a marriage? For a marriage to work, a certain level of bonding between the spouses is necessary. A couple needs time to communicate, to spend some quality time together and to have time to keep up to date on each other’s lives and accomplishments. Keeping in touch with each other helps to strengthen the bond between them and keep their marriage going. Couples who start to focus more on their own lives and start leaving their spouse in the dark often leads to a breakdown of the bond between the couple. This is where one or both of the spouses can feel neglected and ignored by the other, which in many cases has led to extramarital affairs and/or the breakdown of the marriage. If a couple in the marriage are feeling as if they and their spouse are growing apart, but they want the marriage to succeed, this is when it might be time to seek help from a couple’s therapist, otherwise known as a marriage online counselor. It is always better to seek help sooner than later because the less chance there is for the couple to grow apart before they correct any issues they might be going through, the more chance there is that the issues can be dealt with and the marriage can be saved.

A couple who want their marriage to work can consult an online therapist and get suggestions and advice through counseling online. Online therapy can help the couple think about why they are great together and what they can do to renew the spark that seems to have disappeared over the years. The therapy can go as far as help the couple to remember why they are great together and why they want their marriage to work. There are so many marriages that end in divorce that probably could have been saved if the couple had consulted a therapist or counselor for help. If lack of intimacy is the main problem that is causing a couple to think about divorce, some therapy could be the answer. The therapist can work with the couple to figure out new ways to get to know each other all over again and how they can renew the love they still have for each other. Sometimes new suggestions and some helpful advice from an impartial party, such as a therapist, can help a couple rekindle the passion they have lost in order to strengthen their bond and interest in each other.

Dr. Jennifer Baxt, DMFT, NCC,DCC is the owner of which offers a variety of online counseling services. If you would like to know more about Jennifer or any of our online therapists, visit our website.

Reasons For High Divorce Rates

There are many reasons husbands and wives get broken up. Break-up is the harsh reality of our culture. It is the uglier side of the coin depicting marriage. Figures show that every 50 out of a hundred marriages in America end in divorces. The good news is that many of these problems can be resolved, with correct knowledge. This piece of writing consists of risk factors for a divorce. Nowadays the number of marriages that finish up in divorce is rapidly increasing. It is really distressing to see that partners often resort to divorce once they notice faults or problems. It looks that they no longer appreciate the meaning of marriage.

A typical idea for young couples seeking to say “I do” is that they must stay together first. They make the assumption that this will allow them to see if they can, indeed, dwell with each other, before they make a lifetime vow. There isn’t any proof at all to confirm this concept! There is, however, scientific studies that show a lot of couples that stay together before marriage have a higher divorce rate.

One of the top reasons for divorce is addiction, whether or not it is alcoholism, substance abuse or gaming. If any of these are found in any relationship then it’s more likely that the relationship will end. If you married your partner knowing that he is already like that and you accepted it, then you should be ready for all the results. Do not think that he/she will change the instant you get married because only one or two will adjust.

Sometimes there are married couples who aren’t yet prepared to commit which makes their marriages to fail in the end. There are several reasons why individuals get married but are still not prepared or ready. This can be as a result of sudden pregnancy; one or both of them simply want to get married while not even thinking of the future. When one person is still immature no matter how understanding the other spouse is, this can still lead to separation. Immaturity is one thing that you cannot simply tell an individual to change or do. When someone remains immature then it will be difficult to make her or him appreciate things. Of course, we are only human we all have our limitations.

Completely different personalities and lifestyle ambitions is high on the list of reasons for divorce. There can be several reasons for this. Though opposites can attract, if a married partner are very different to each other, this can in the end turn out to be tricky. Different ideas of the approach to life they want to live, and how they see marriage can be a serious issue.

For additional information on Divorce Advice For Men, in addition to Reasons For Divorce, visit our blog.