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Divorce. Why Do Middle-Aged Men End Their Marriages and Leave Their Wives and Children?

Marriage breakdown and divorce are all too common and nothing suggests the trend is likely to reverse any time soon. While the majority of partners filing for divorce are wives, it’s usually following discovery of an affair and/or the husband’s departure from the family home. Statistics are inevitably difficult to interpret when it comes to divorce but it’s safe to say that it’s more common for a man to have an affair, then up and leave, than for a woman. Often, the ex-husband loses no time in marrying his mistress.

Here one man explains why he left, one explains why he left and returned and one why he’s thinking of leaving.

Ben and Claire had been married for 11 years when he left. They have three children. The youngest was a baby when Claire discovered Ben was having an affair with a younger, married colleague.

“Our marriage was pretty good. Claire was very into having babies. She loved little kids. After our son and daughter were born I didn’t want more children. I wanted to get out of that whole dealing with toddlers phase. For a while she seemed to accept that. But when our daughter was seven and our son was three she started grieving that he wasn’t a baby any more. He was starting to grow up and she really wanted a third child. I was dead against it. We were just finally emerging from years of nappies, no sleep and no time for ourselves. Our life was dominated for months by this discussion. In the end I gave in and she got pregnant. But I was hugely resentful. The first two children had been our project. The third, I’m sorry to say, felt like it was hers. I was seething really that she’d got her way. We were heading back into nappy territory. There’d be financial strain and I’d be relegated yet again to husband in the corner while Claire focused on the kids.

I met Tessa when Claire was pregnant. She saw me, not ‘a father’. She had an open marriage and seemed to offer me a life much wider than the ‘nursery’ I had at home. At the start of the affair she gave me a book of poetry. It meant so much. She wanted to talk about it with me. Claire mostly spoke to me about the children. I wasn’t planning to leave home but when Claire found out about Tessa she said ‘Get out’ on impulse – understandable – it was terrible for her – Amy was only a few weeks old – and I went. I was glad to escape at that point. For two years I saw my kids at weekends, on Christmas Eve and during the holidays. Claire hated me. My daughter did too. My son missed me. The baby needed a dad. Tessa was with her husband and sleeping with me too. The strain of it all was nightmarish. I began to realize I’d made really insane choices. Tessa was pretty worthless – she was so selfish, she thought nothing of breaking up a family. And I’d been just as selfish. I was confused and miserable. I’d say I was going through a pretty severe midlife crisis. Eventually I asked Claire if I could come home. She agreed, mostly for the children at that point. We saved our marriage – all that was 19 years ago. But it hasn’t been straightforward. She still sometimes has a go at me. I still deserve it.”

Tom and Carole were married for 40 years. They were renovating a large house in Italy when Tom announced he was leaving.

“The thing about my ex-wife is that she was always right. She just had to be right all the time. She’d argue and argue till I agreed with her. It wore me out. When we first met I thought she was really spirited and I liked it. But it’s that thing Woody Allen once said isn’t it? You end up hating the things you first loved about your partner. She became more and more controlling. We had two kids and family life kind of rolled along even if I became fed up with it. I love my kids and I never would have wanted to lose them. Also, I never really met anyone else I wanted to have a relationship with either. Just one married woman who wasn’t going to leave her family. So I stayed in the marriage. When the kids were grown up we went to live in Italy. I’m an academic, in art history. I continued to work; my ex stopped. We had this huge project to renovate the house and, as usual, she was taking all the decisions. I’d long ago stopped trying to negotiate with her; there was no point.

Then a new secretary joined our department at the university. She was eighteen years younger than me, attractive, and divorced. It was just inevitable we would get together. My ex didn’t even notice I was having an affair. She probably thought I’d never dare. But Aurelia is completely the opposite of her – gentle, accommodating – she listens to me and respects what I say. She was a classic mistress I suppose. I realized quite quickly that I didn’t want to live in the finished house with Carole. I wanted to leave her. When I told her, she couldn’t believe it. She never dreamed she’d face competition from an “other woman”. She couldn’t believe I would do something without her permission! But I did. I told her I had a mistress and I wanted a divorce, I walked out, I went to Aurelia’s place and I’m still there. Not a single regret.”

Craig and Diane have been married for 26 years:

“Our sex drives were always completely incompatible. When Diane was young it wasn’t so noticeable but after we had the kids she more or less switched off. She’s through the pre-menopause now, actually in menopause, and it’s worse – she’s totally disinterested. It’s like I have to beg her for sex and then when she agrees it seems like a chore for her. I know it’s not her fault; we’re just too different on that level. I love her and I like our life together most of the time. She’s a good friend as well as my wife. But I want sex every day and I want to have passionate, adventurous sex at least sometimes. It’s difficult for her, too, because she doesn’t want to be bothered with me pestering her. I really really tried to avoid having an affair but it was impossible. I had a fling with a woman I met through the internet and it was incredible. The physical side of things was amazing. We stopped after three months because we’re both married but having a lover really showed me what I’m missing. I’m going to be 50 this year and I’m pretty sure I’ll want sex for years and years. So what do I do? Suppress my sex drive for another ten or twenty years? I can’t. Have affairs? Potentially disastrous. I don’t like the idea of infidelity; I hate the idea of cheating on Diane. But we’ve discussed this libido question over and over again. She won’t take HRT because she’s scared of side-effects – breast cancer and so on – and we’ve tried alternative medicine. Nothing helped. She doesn’t want a sex life and I do. In the end I think we’ll have to divorce but it’s not the first solution I’d choose.”

READ CATH’S BLOG on daily life in Provence, south of France, at: http://provencesouthoffrance.blogspot.com Cath lives in Provence. In the past she lived in Washington DC., England, Scotland and Italy. Sh…  View profile

Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity? What Are The Possibilities?

We define infidelity as a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant breach of faith or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one’s husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature. We describe it as a serious threat to marriages.

In a very much secularized world, can a very old tradition like marriage still survive…especially that infidelity is in fashion? This might get you into serious thinking as you sit and think about your future with a partner. What’s in fashion doesn’t always mean it’s has to be followed. This goes without saying that YES a marriage can survive infidelity . Sadly though, this is not true for every couple.

I personally believe that marriage is should be and ought to be for life and that no problem should ever get in the way of a couple’s union – yes, even infidelity. After all, when you get married, you also marry yourself with the vows you made in front of the altar and in front of your significant other.

What determines the success of a marriage after an affair is the ability to accept reconciliation and understand not only your partner’s actions but also your own emotions, actions and your marriage up until this point. Even if it never was your fault, knowing the reasons behind it will make a difference and is important in making a decision of either saving it or calling it quits.

The chances of overcoming infidelity in marriage are relatively high. If mutual love becomes the driving force in fixing broken relationships, it is without a doubt that chances will increase further.

Failed attempts to patch things up could also be because of pride, lack of understanding and the ability to compromise.

Marriage is a relationship between two individuals, bound by the personal moral beliefs of a couple. It’s the foundation of building a family and assuming responsibilities. It is a covenant by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life. Individuals who wish to marry should always consider the thought that is a serious thing and that it’s not something you just can get rid of once things get sour.

So if you are in a troubled marriage and somehow got encouraged after reading this, GO FOR IT. After all, marriage is a high institution that is supposed and ought to last in the name of love.

Surviving the Affair

***Resolutions For Life After Divorce

Often people going through divorce focus on the endings it represents – the ending of a relationship, a dream, a way of life. To thrive after divorce requires you to look at divorce as a beginning – the beginning of a new life, of new possibilities for loving relationship, of a sense of self-empowerment and awareness you may have never have experienced before. Here are some powerful “life after divorce” resolutions you may want to add to your New Year’s list this year.

1. I ask myself “What can I learn from this?” instead of “Why me?”

Asking yourself questions unlocks powerful learning, but it’s important you ask great questions. When I initially start working with clients, they typically spend their time and energy on questions which do not move them forward. “Why is this happening to me?” or “How could he/she do this to me?” are questions that can perhaps never be answered. Things happen, issues come up and people make choices. Where you can reclaim your power is by consciously choosing what you will do with those issues or actions. Instead of these “Why me?” questions, train yourself to view your divorce challenges as opportunities for lifelong wisdom and growth. “What can I learn from this?” or “What could I do differently?” are questions that put you in the driver’s seat of your life.

2. I commit to asking for help when I need it.

Do yourself and your loved ones a favor this year by being willing to ask for help. Einstein once said that problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them in the first place. Divorce causes an unraveling of so many parts of your life. It takes time and support to put the pieces back together. Know that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and it can be very healthy and healing to learn how to ask for help if you need it. If you’re struggling or stressed out, take responsibility for reaching out for help. Connect with encouraging family and friends. Find yourself a divorce buddy or divorce coach who can help you process and digest your emotions.

3. I make self-care my highest priority and I do one kind act for myself every week.

Stress is a significant factor for people going through divorce which is one of life’s most stressful events. However, it also involves many other stress-inducing events such as change in income, major decisions about immediate future, change in living conditions, change in family get-togethers (to name but a few). High levels of emotional stress, if left unchecked, can lead to physical illness. Self-care is truly one of the most important actions you can take to manage your stress and assist your healing process. Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. Taking even 5 minutes a day to meditate or sit in nature can help. Noticing and interrupting self-critical thoughts is another form of self-care. This year, put You at the top of your priority list and treat yourself to at least one act of kindness each week.

4. Each romantic relationship I have will offer more love and opportunity for growth than the previous one.

So often people find themselves repeating disempowering choices and habits from one relationship to the next. They end one relationship only to begin a new relationship with the same unhealthy dynamics and patterns. How to break the cycle? First of all, resolve to love and accept yourself. Loving your strengths and your flaws will open up a whole new world of freedom and possibility for you in relationship. Second, make a resolution that each new relationship will be a marked improvement from your previous one. Relationship is the greatest teacher we can ever have to discover our full potential, so commit to using it to explore and express the most authentic, loving expression of yourself.

5. I resolve to go with the flow.

An important step to thriving after divorce is learning to surrender and go with the flow of life. In the breakdown of a marriage, issues can become clearly very heated and there can be many “battles” to fight. It’s our ego that wants to take on every battle full force, but this can become exhausting. Our need to control every little thing is simply a sign we are in fear. Tap into your heart’s wisdom to decide which battles are most important to you and which ones you can surrender and let go of. It’s often in those moments of surrender that issues start to melt away, resolving in ways we’d never even seen as possible before.

Author and spiritual divorce coach, Carolyn B. Ellis, founded Thrive After Divorce, Inc. to help separated and divorced individuals improve relationships, increase self-confidence and save time and heartache. She is the award-winning author of the best-selling The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive After Divorce. If you want simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit http://www.thriveafterdivorce.com now to receive a FREE report.

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Carolyn B. Ellis, the Official Guide To Divorce

What Cause Divorces?

Many people claim financial problems to be one of the most common reasons for marital failure. There is a saying that “Money is the root of all evil”, as in a marriage it can be the root of all problems. More than fifty percent of divorced couples in the United States cited money problems as the cause of their divorce. In many cases, one of the partners is not happy with the spending habits of the other individual or disagrees with the financial decisions the other is making. This can result in massive fights between them. For married couples, an over-spending of funds by one or both partners can occur. This situation can put the couple in debt, and the debt can become a burden over the marriage. Lack of money can cause conflicts, even sometimes intense arguments and resulting in divorce. Additionally, financial incompatibility in which one spouse earns much more money than the other spouse also makes them end up having dispute over money.

How can couples lead their marriage when they hardly have thorough mutual understanding? Poor or lack of communication of either or both couple is a reason for the marriage on the rock. How can be a relationship becomes effective if either or both parties won’t discuss their feelings, can’t talk about both mutual or personal issues, will keep all their resentments simmering under wraps, and expect each other to guess what the whole problem is about. When a man and his wife live together they should be able to recognize the different signals that they both sent. Both lack of self understanding and lack of understanding of the other person can cause a horrible gap of communication. Lack of good communication between couples then can lead to frustration which leads to relationship dissatisfaction which in turn leads to breakups.

Sexual problems are also among one of the leading causes of divorce. Improper and problematic attitudes towards sex also results in problems within the marriage. Between the couple exist a sexual disagreement and they cannot find each other attractive and seductive in the bedroom, which prompt them to desire a new one and end their marriage as a result. Infidelity in particular has been responsible for the breakdown of many relationships and marriages. Most spouses find extremely hard to forgive any adultery, because they feel cheated and betrayed. They then no longer believe in their love as well as marriage and they want to end this soon to be relieved. Marriages hardly work if spouses do not obey the principles of the faith.

Marriage is a shared life in which both partners have to try to adjust to the other. However, there are always certain challenges in road to happiness. Some people can not get over these obstacles, maybe in terms of finance, communication, sex or other fields and end up their marriage with a divorce. Then a divorce entails undesired mental, which remarkably makes changes in their lives. Couples should take their decisions into careful consideration before getting divorced.

Robert Tiger,

Robert is an advisor specially in marriage and family. He helps many coupes get happy from sad.

Visit: http://marriage-advices.com

Stop Divorces: http://marriage-advices.com/stopdivorce.htm

5 Easy Ways to Have a Better Relationship With Your Spouse

Many couples find it problematic to keep the fire going. Over the years they seem to drift apart and become complacent. Maybe it’s the long hours at the office or maybe it’s taking care of the children that has you in a rut. Here are 5 easy ways to a better relationship with your spouse. Who knows… these might be the 5 things could save your marriage.

1. Start date night: Go out like you are single again. It’s essential to a marriage to have one night where the most important thing is each other. Talk about your likes, dislikes, and your goals in life. Do not talk about children or the office.

2. Put your marriage before your children: It’s easy to always make your children the most important thing but remember it’s not about them. Children are an extension of your marriage. Put your marriage first and your relationship with your children will become better as a result.

3. Always say the positive: It can easily become a habit to say negative things about your spouse when you are angry but don’t do it. People tend to believe what they say, so if you only say positive things about your spouse then over time you will begin to only think of your spouse in a positive light.

4. Remember why you married them: Keep a list. Write down why you married your spouse on a piece of paper and keep that list somewhere you see everyday. Encourage your spouse to do the same.

5. Find a mentor: Find a same-sex friend that has a marriage that you admire and talk to them. Ask them questions. I’m sure that they would love to share how they worked through the tough times in their marriage.

Remember that a marriage is something that requires a lot of work and responsibility. Don’t give up too easily. The most rewarding things in life are things that you have to work for, and marriage is not the exception.

 

Hello, My name is Diana. I am a life coach living in Seoul. I have a Master’s in Marriage and Family Counseling. I have traveled all over the world. I’ve been to over 20 different countries. I also have a passion for electronics and teaching. …

Diana Pettit’s author pageAuthor’s Blog

Prevent a Divorce – How I Saved My Marriage From a Certain Divorce When Everything Seemed Hopeless

If you are reading this article, then it means your marriage is in trouble. Maybe, you think; the time for divorce is fast approaching. But you are determined to fight to prevent a divorce from happening at all costs. If that is the case, I would like to call you my friend – and that’s because I was in your situation once, and know how bad it feels.

Good news – I tried to prevent a divorce from happening, and I did just that. Not only I have saved my marriage, now it is better than it has ever been! And this process earned me a lot of experience about relationships and marriages. So that’s why I will be able to help you prevent a divorce.

First of all, when a divorce shows its ugly head; if you don’t want the divorce, it’s very hard to stay calm in this situation. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by emotions – that’s what you should stay away from; because to solve your marriage problems and for preventing a divorce you need to be able to avoid knee-jerk reactions, and you have to look at everything from a wide, considerate perspective. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until some time, and meanwhile in my desperation I did the only thing I could think of to save my marriage: I begged and cried to my husband and tried to pressure him out of a divorce. Of course, that made everything worse.

What changed the whole situation for me was that I was taught to stay relaxed, and stay calm. I never made a progress until I stopped being depressed, and desperate about the whole thing. But when I calmed down, I stopped applying pressure on my husband, and this gave both of us some alone time, which proved to be very valuable: This alone time made me look at everything from much higher, it made me realize the root problems in my marriage. And of course, this alone time meant a lot for my husband also: It made him reconsider everything.

The first, and most crucial, thing you have to do for preventing divorce is to learn to stay calm in this situation and not give into your emotions!

I know that this is easier said than done, but it is exactly how I stopped my divorce and saved my marriage from what looked like a totally desperate situation. Like you, I needed help doing this. I found help from an outside source – and now I am your “outside source”, and want to show you what I exactly did to save my marriage and how I did it.

For this reason I have made a web page telling about my experiences. Click here to see my page on how to stop a divorce and my experiences in doing so.

Please do not pass this as I have prepared this page for people like you! Click here to visit my blog now.

The Effect of Divorce on Children

Divorce is stressful enough on couples that are splitting. However, we have all seen or experienced what divorce can do to a child. The pain, stress and anxiety that they feel is multiple from both parents.

A child can have a rough time adjusting when they know the world is going to be forever changed. Having come from divorced parents, a child can get long-term damage. But it does not to be that way.

The world surely never be the same again for them but both parents must work together to create minimal effect of their divorce on children. One of the first things parents must learn is that their children are far more aware of divorce problems than they may realize.

Children have right to know that both their parents are going to be there for support, discipline, love and major decisions. Parents need to communicate with their children once they decide to divorce and let them ask questions.

This can be very harm to them emotionally. It is important to start early and maintained the anxiety and stress levels of the children. Respect each other; keep the routine and simple activities like taking a walk after dinner can be reassuring.

It is also essential to notice on how the children react to their day to day activities. Parents are advised to make extra time to talk to their children and try to keep the routine as consistent as possible.

Although no longer married, both parents must make an effort to make sure that their children are assured of unconditional love by both mom and dad. Many times children feel that they are the reason for the quickie divorce and blame their self.

Do not shame to use help if you think it is needed. If your child is really difficult to accept with the divorce then therapy or a support group might be a good idea. Do not wait for things to get severe.

You can find more info about divorce in quickie divorce [http://www.divorcescope.com]

How to Get Your Wife Back after a Breakup or Divorce

How to get your Ex back and save your marriage Have you just been dumped

How to get your Ex back and save your marriage?

Have you just been dumped? Do you wish that you could get back with your ex but your wife or ex wife isn’t interested in trying to save your marriage? Well you’re not alone even though you might think you are at this point.

This kind of thing happens to people every day and you need to know that there is still hope. It doesn’t have to end here – if you go about it the right way you can give yourself more than a fighting chance of getting her back.

Accept the situation now

Before I say anything else you must do this right away. It’s important if you’re serious about making up with your spouse – Accept the situation – Tell her that you’re cool with the split and that you think it’s the right thing to do for both of you. You’re going to find that this isn’t an easy thing to do but it will diffuse the tense situation and subconsciously change your ex’s attitude towards you. Accepting the separation will make it much easier for you to get back together later.

Breaking up is the first step towards making up?

This sounds wrong doesn’t it? How can breaking up help you to get your wife back? Well the statistics show that you actually have a better chance of making up if you take a break and start afresh. Not understanding this is likely to be one of the main reasons why most attempts at saving your marriage fail.

Most guys panic at this point and start declaring their undying love, making promises and pleading with their wife to change her mind. At best this will provide only a temporary reprieve if it works at all. Your wife will see you as weak and pathetic and sooner or later the inevitable will happen. You have to break this pattern.

Women like guys to be strong and confident

Have you ever looked at a couple together and thought why on earth is she with that guy? You know the guy who treats his women like dirt and will cheat on her at the drop of a hat. Why does she prefer him over the host of great guys lining up for her all of who would treat her like a princess?

Well if you understand this then you have a better understanding of women than most other guys. Could it be because she is instinctively attracted to the strongest and most confident man even though she knows that he’s bad news for her.

Now I’m not saying that you have to be Mr. Horrible to get your wife back but you absolutely must show her that you are strong, that you can live without her and that you can be her ultimate protector. This is why the first step towards making up is to break up with her calmly and confidently.

Build up your inner strength and confidence ready to start the makeup process

Give yourself 30 days apart from your ex and use that time to work on yourself. Improve your appearance, focus on a hobby and start dating or at least start talking to other women.

You will find that talking to or dating other women can be a great boost to your confidence. Difficult at first but it gets easier – trust me I know – It can also be a lot of fun. You have the time to devote to yourself now so use it to enjoy yourself.

When you feel that you no longer need to get back with your wife – this is the best time to approach her again. Be careful though, if you still want to get her back then you must do it the right way. You have to have a plan and understand what you are doing otherwise you may lose your opportunity. Find a good book that will teach you how to do this, read it and follow the advice. It can mean the difference between getting your lover back and being just good friends.

Learn the secrets of getting your Ex back: How Can I Make My Wife Love Me Again? (http://www.howdo-i.com/save-my-marriage/how-can-i-make-my-wife-love-me-again.php) and make sure that you do it the right way. Find out how to save your marriage http://howdo-i.com/save-my-marriage/ Don’t screw it up by doing what most other guys do.

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/How to Get Your Wife Back after a Breakup or Divorce-a01073910813

Guide To Introducing A New Love To Children And Family After A Divorce

After a divorce children and the family need time to recover and heal from the painful emotions. If a divorce has taken a long time to become final, the people around the divorced couple as well as the couple need to have a cooling off period.

You might after some time decide to date and see new people. It’s a good idea to take your time before getting into another serious relationship; many people need to grieve the loss of the old one before beginning a new one. Children especially need the time to get used to the idea that their parents are no longer together. Seeing a parent going out on dates might be painful at first, especially for young children.

Once you find a new love in your life, don’t introduce your children or family to them too soon. They will need to get used to the idea that you are moving on from your marriage and are ready to date again. Children will need the time to get used to you seeing other people and to understand that it’s ok. Most children want their parents back together and might try to make this happen.

Once the child accepts that the divorce is final and there is no chance for you to get back together, only introduce those you date whom you are serious about. Having the child meet a never ending list of dates can get confusing and some kids do get attached to some of them. It can be hard on them if the person they may have come to depend on or like having around is no longer there.

Once you have introduced the children, make sure you spend time alone with them. Children need to feel like they are special to you and they are the most important thing in your life. Outings to their favorite places or just spending time at home watching TV or reading together is a good way to show the kids you still care.

With family and friends it can be equally difficult to introduce someone new. Most couples have mutual friends and family members might still be close to the ex-spouse. Your friends might feel uncomfortable in seeing you with someone new, especially if they feel loyal to your ex.

Taking the introduction of a new love into your life slowly is the best way for everyone. Don’t expect your children to love your new interest as you do, at least not at first. They may grow to like or even love them eventually – but this will take some time. Family and friends will come around in time, but don’t expect them to accept someone new right away.

Marcy Burlock is an established writer on Clivir.com where she shares her knowledge about Free Do-It-Yourself Divorce with others. You can also find her other articles like How to Find Free Divorce Paperwork on Clivir.

The Effects of Divorce on Your Children

Divorce is hard on the entire family. It is just as tough, if not more so, for a child to go through a divorce than it is for you or your spouse. The separation of their parents can have a lasting result on not only their emotions, but on their personalities. If you are overly sensitive about what your spouse says or does with your child, then your child will learn to use your spouse to pit you against one another. “Mom told me I could do this” “Dad told me I couldn’t say that”. It not only teaches the child to be manipulative, but it also makes your relationship with your ex so much harder. There must be open communication between the two parents. As much as you may resent each other, you need to remain civil in front of your children and when it comes to their well being. There should be no fighting over who takes your son to his first day of kindergarten. There is no reason you can’t both be there. You’re adults and if you’re old enough to be married and get a divorce, you’re old enough to behave yourselves in front of your children. It is important for not only their well being, but for yours as well. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life having petty arguments with your ex.

Shielding your Kids from your Divorce

Shielding your children from divorce does not mean covering up your feelings and hiding the reasons for the separation. That will only make things worse for your kids. It means to shield them from the effects the divorce can have on them. Talking to your children about your divorce is monumentally important to their emotional well-being. No matter how careful you are, divorce will have a life-long effect on your babies. Talking to them about it, as uncomfortable as it may be, will allow them to grow up without being afraid to fall in love and get married themselves. Children with divorced parents are often afraid of marriage and divorce and even having kids of their own because they have already experienced the profound effect of family separation on their life and the lives of those they love. They will even blame themselves for you getting the divorce. That is another reason it is so completely important to talk to them. Make sure they know without a doubt that the divorce was between you and your spouse and that they had nothing to do with it. Ensure that they’re aware that you both love them very much and that will never change.

Keep Up Appearances for your Babies’ Sake

It is also important to never put your spouse down in front of the kids. No matter what s/he has done to you or said about you, their image means the world to your child. Just as your does. Talking bad about your spouse will only cause your children to have to pick sides. No child should ever have to choose between their mother and father. Even if your spouse cheated on you and you did nothing wrong, take equal blame. “Mommy and Daddy made some mistakes and we hurt each other’s feelings” is a much better way to tell your child why you’re getting a divorce. That way the child can understand that grownups make mistakes too and they won’t have to feel like they’re betraying one of you to still love the other. If they want to know the whole story once they’re adults, it’s fine to tell them then, but again, tell it as objectively as possible. You can still be a happy family even if you live in two places instead of one.

Divorce is not easy and it’s not fun, but If it’s the choice you and/or your spouse has made, you need to make sure you go about it the right way to save your children a lot of mental and emotional damage. Treat your spouse with respect in front of the children, no matter how you’re feeling inside and talk with your kids and let them know that you’re both at fault and you both still love them. Your children are the most important things in your life once your spouse is gone. Don’t cause resentment and hurt feelings, love them the way they deserve to be loved.

You can hire an experienced separation & family divorce lawyer in Brisbane or anywhere else for a smooth divorce process, so that it doesn’t affect your children. Click here to find out more.