For those men and women who find themselves in a position of knowing “my spouse wants a divorce”, it’s a life changing experience. Use these strategies to learn how to stop a divorce from being filed and save your marriage.
Let’s understand what normally happens in these situations so you know how to do things differently:
My Spouse Wants a Divorce
Husband or wife figures out or hears directly that their spouse wants a divorce.
They react with shock, fear, or anxiety. There are often tears, attempts to apologize, and promises that things can be better. They become clingy.
Husband or wife who wants a divorce escalates the divorce to get away from the emotional spouse and the guilt they feel at causing such pain.
Spouse becomes bitter and discussions become angry fights as neither sees an alternative and both are feeling miserable.
It’s difficult not to go through this cycle. When you originally got married, it was an agreement. One party asked the other, someone said yes, and a marriage took place. With the possibility of divorce, it is usually very one sided.
Break the cycle, and you have a much better chance of saving your marriage.
How to Stop a Divorce from Being Filed
While you may want to cry (or even throw things) try to control your emotions around your spouse. Understand that it is very difficult to talk to someone who is being emotional. Instead, you want to shoot for having calm discussions about the situation.
Find outside support in which to vent your feelings. A counselor, a friend, or a family member. You don’t want to bottle them up, you just don’t want those feelings to interfere with your ability to communicate with your spouse.
Agree with your spouse that there are problems with the marriage. You almost have to do this, right? It’s hard to say there aren’t problems if one spouse wants a divorce.
Use reason to buy time and keep your spouse from actually filing. Discuss the impact to children, finances, and family. Suggest that the two of you approach things with maturity to make it easier on everyone and less expensive in the long run. If your spouse believes you are willing to talk rationally, they may agree not to file right away thinking they can prevent themselves a lot of headaches with attorneys and courtroom trials.
Getting Your Spouse to Love You Again
Probably the most challenging step in how to stop a divorce is to get the love back into your relationship. You need to let your spouse see you the way they saw you when you first fell in love. I don’t’ mean physically see you the way you were – we all age with time – I mean see the person you are inside that originally attracted them to you.
Spend some time thinking about why your spouse wants a divorce and what skills were lacking in the relationship that led to those problems.
Evaluate your relationship with the use of a relationship guide that will walk you through identifying and fixing relationship problems.
Do not let your spouse egg you into a fight. Keep all discussions calm, open and honest. If your spouse sees you are not getting as upset as they expected, it may cause them to question your love for them. You would be amazed at how many times this causes the spouse to start fighting for signs of your love rather than fighting for a divorce.
What you say, how you say it and every action you take during this time is critical. If you have any doubts that you will be able to keep your emotions in check if you are thinking “my spouse wants a divorce”, then get your hands on a relationship guide that will help you understand exactly what to say and do in regards to how to stop a divorce and save your marriage.
Sara writes advice and relationship tips on how to get back together with an ex and how to fix broken marriages. Read more at Stop Your Divorce, Save Your Marriage and Get Your Ex Back Mastery. You can click this link to be taken to her blog: www.getyourexbackmastery.com.Social tagging: relationship guide