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Facing Fears After Divorce

It is common for women to experience fear after divorce. Note, however, that fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. The evidence in your mind is truly and utterly false because it does not exist at this moment. Just like last night’s dream was not real, your visions of future doom are not real either.

As a divorced woman, your life has shifted in a major way along with your plans for it. You now must recreate your life, reset your goals and major decisions are yours alone to make. As terrifying as this all can seem, fear should be used to serve as an awesome motivator and an invaluable strength-building mechanism. Facing fears head on must be seen as a challenge that you are anxious to embrace.

Even While You Fear – Take Action!

Consider your fears as a unique set of tests especially designed for your growth and strengthening, and then take action! Don’t worry too much about eliminating your fears, which can take a lifetime to do, simply take action even as still afraid. Like jumping from a cliff into an inviting body of water, it is likely that you will always be afraid to do so as long as you are thinking about it. In fact, the longer you entertain your fears, the more likely you are to talk yourself out of the plunge and walk away from the cliff’s edge instead. But at some point, in order to enjoy the water’s refreshing coolness, you have to take your fears with you and jump anyway. Afterward, you will find your strength and your confidence enhanced by the knowledge that you are stronger than your fears and you are capable of action even while afraid.

What is it that you are afraid of now? Perhaps it is a return to school for an advanced degree. Perhaps you are afraid of taking a new position, changing careers, moving to a new location or just of being the sole caretaker of your children. Whatever your fears are, use them as a challenge. Make overcoming them your mission as you forge ahead.

The following action steps are designed to help you face your fears after a divorce:

1. Plan to succeed. Do not allow yourself to be burdened with what ifs. Instead, target your goals and clearly define the steps that you will need to take to achieve them.

2. Do what you can today to place yourself in a better position tomorrow. Each day, take action toward your goals in order to inch yourself closer to them. Even baby steps are fine as long as you are taking them in the right direction.

3. Take time to encourage yourself daily. Talk to yourself as you would a dear friend or your children. Remind yourself that you are strong, that you are capable and remind yourself of all that you have already overcome.

Millions of women have been where you are now. They have faced insurmountable odds, they have been terrified out of their wits and they have refused to let either stop them. You can and you must do the same. You are powerful, competent, able-bodied and free to pursue every one of your dreams. You may make mistakes along the way, but they will be counted as worthwhile lessons, which will sharpen your skills. Know this and, even as you are afraid, proceed anyway.

Vanaja Ghose ( is a Professional Life Coach helping women who chose to leave their marriage or long term relationship and now want to powerfully recreate their lives. Download your FREE mp3 audio on “Nine Steps to Building a New Life After Divorce” and contact Vanaja for a free 30-minute strategy session at

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