This is a topic I am oh so familiar with. As a country we all seem to be growing way too tolerant of broken, dysfunctional families. Is it only me or does it seems like more and more American’s are giving up on traditional family values? Do we even know what they are anymore?
My parents divorced when I was young so by the shear nature of being a product of my environment the chances of me staying happily married were slim to none. Staying true to that environment I am needless to say divorced as well. I wish I could have followed the path of my Grandparents who were married for many decades and seemed as though they were content and in love. Well enough about me let me get to the topic at hand.
When I say a disaster for everyone I truly mean that (as I am sure most of you would agree). The emotional emptiness it leaves you compares to nothing else. You are left in a financial state of ruin, your self esteem is shot, and you tend to do and say things you may have never done and said before.
Divorce does not just affect the husband and wife, it affects the whole family. There may have been no other option but to separate. Many people try counseling as a way to fix a broken relationship. Sometimes there is just no way to repair it. There may have been things done and said that can never be fixed. We all do damage with our selfish acts and the cruel words we chose to say to another person. Sometimes the other person may be willing to forgive and move on and sometimes they simply can not.
There (in an uncivil case) is always someone who has the upper hand, gets everything they want and walks away as if they are unhurt. While the other party wonders what went wrong and how they could have done things differently to make the relationship work.
Well how do you fix the many other relationships this affects? It is not a simple task. This conflict between these two individuals can cause a huge rift between other family members.
I feel there is an element in divorce that does not seem to play a BIG enough factor: The Children! The children are left in the care of one parent for the majority of the time while the other is in effect a part-time (or fun) parent. For some this is what they may have wanted for what ever reason, but the children are the ones who really suffer. There are some couples who can look past their differences and focus on one common goal and that is to raise children who understand they have a Mother and Father who love them very much, but really just can not make things work between themselves. They understand that they are equally important (one no more important than the other) in their children’s lives and chose to share their time with them equally.
Either way this is done you will still have problems because the family as a whole is broken. But it is not impossible to make this difficult relationship work. Just a side note but to me the only real important relationship fix is with the children, they are all our future.
But none the less off to the “others” involved. There are the parents of the two individuals who can no longer cohabitate with one another. Where do they fit in to this? Well to me (like I said the children are most important) they should do what ever is in their power to love, nurture, and support their grandchildren as well as help their own child deal with this devastating occurrence in their lives. Depending on the situation they should continue to communicate with the other individual as well as with one another for the sake of the children.
Then there is the other extended family members- siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. ( oh and family friends and church members as well). These good folks should also do what ever is in their power to show their love and support for the children as well.
The hope of this is that the children will not end up products of their environment. This is a very hard topic for me to write about. I am always striving to make sure my children understand it was not their fault in any way. There was nothing they could have done to cause their Father and me to divorce nor could anyone have done in the end to fix the broken relationship he and I had but us.
No matter what your home life was or is like, how you were raised or if you may have raised yourself, you MUST communicate your feelings. Do not be afraid to tell someone how you feel and what you like and do not like. Maybe one day we will be able to make our children understand that divorce is not part of our environment.children understand > family members > relationship work