Putting your children first during a divorce
These days, the divorce rate in America is at an all-time high. Commonly, it is said that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce yet this is not true. The 50% number is only based on projections that account for the growing trend in divorce rates and is not the actual percentage. Though it is still under half, one cannot deny the fact that divorce rates are rising and will continue to do so in the future. Currently, between 25% and 35% of all marriages that occur in a person’s 20s will end in divorce and that number is continuing to rise.
There are many hardships that come along with divorce. Divorce can take a significant emotional toll on both parties as well as create financial difficulties and most of all, problems with that couple’s children. Emotional and financial difficulties can be overcome; however conflicts with children can create a long-lasting effect on their developing minds. For this reason, and putting your children first during a divorce is the most significant and important issue to deal with during this time.
When you are in this situation, in order to create the best possible alignment for children, the first thing you should do is maintain constant communication with your ex spouse so that you can work together in helping your children through this difficult process.
It is important that both parties do not attempt to get their children to side with one another as this will create more issues with the adults and create confusion and possibly anger with the children. You should make it clear that they are not responsible in any way for the divorce so that they do not fault themselves for this.
Sometimes the parents will place their children in the role of informants asking them for information about the other as it pertains to them. Never ask your child what your ex-spouse said or thinks about yourself as this will likely snowball into greater issues as each party tries to one up the other. If at any time you have a desire to find out information about the other, the only way this should be done is through direct communication with that person.
Keeping with this theme, another common thing that the parents will do is explain to their children that they would like to get back together yet the other does not. This should be avoided as well as it creates a good guy bad guy scenario in the child’s mind which will negatively impact both the child’s relationship with that parent and the parent’s relationship with the other.
To sum up the last few points, the most important thing when dealing with your children through a divorce is to keep them informed but as neutral as possible as they are children of both parents equally. Continuing your previous parenting tactics as closely as possible is often the best way to ensure that your child is affected as little as possible through a divorce.
Even though the parents split up, the children of course have to live somewhere. Therefore, it is important to establish a custody agreement between the two parents and stick to that as closely as possible. Normally the children will continue living with the mother while the father maintains weekly and near equally custody over the children.
The divorce couples will agree that the children will stay in the mother’s home during the week while the father will take them during the weekends. This will allow the children to maintain some sense of stability as this schedule works well with the American school systems set up. It is important to note that telling a parent that they are only allowed to see their children on certain days of the week is a very delicate subject. Therefore, both parties should continue to respect the agreement that was established initially to avoid further aggravating the situation.
Every year, thousands of families break up via divorce which is directly linked to emotional issues that children can develop. Many of these issues are tough to fix later on in life so it is imperative that the ex-couples do as much as possible in order to minimize any affect that the divorce can create. When faced with this difficult situation, you should never lose track of the fact that your first priority should be putting your children first during a divorce.divorce rates > financial difficulties